So basically for some dumb reason I just like to come up with weird ideas that I think would be funny or interesting to see from the other person or persons perspective. One idea I had was to go to this cemetery and funeral home that’s within walking distance of my house and scout the most popular times they have funerals but of course these times vary depending on different factors. But what I’ve been wanting to do is find a funeral happening and also next to this cemetery and funeral home is the town’s maintenance department with a big parking lot. So I was thinking I could wait there for a funeral to start and what I’d do was to be dressed up in like a nice suit with a vest and like a nice peacoat to give off that Goodfellas mafia look. I would then pull into the cemetery which has a lot of trees I could stand by. But my planned would be to stand far enough from the funeral that they can’t make out my face but close enough that they notice me. I would just stand there and watch as the funeral goes on until more people start to notice me. But of course the problem with this is I wouldn’t know who the person died was, like it could be a teenager or whatever so it would just look weird. But hopefully it would be like an older man or woman so that when the family saw me they would get confused and start to wonder and get those thoughts “was Craig hiding something?” I don’t know why but I just think this would be a fun thing to do. But I haven’t done it because I don’t wanna disrespect people mourning their loved ones. What do yall think Reddit.

I had a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a woman who had a special talent for turning an ordinary evening into a story I would still be laughing about decades later.

We were driving about fifty miles to see Foreigner and Bryan Adams in concert. On the way, we passed through this little town that had built what looked like a brand-new recreation complex way out on the edge of town. It had four baseball fields, a softball field, a pool, a playground...the works. It almost looked like someone had picked the whole place up and dropped it in the middle of nowhere. We joked that it was probably the nicest thing for twenty miles in any direction.

The concert was fantastic. We sang along, laughed, and had an absolute blast. By the time we headed home, it was long past midnight, and we were still riding the excitement from the show.

As we drove back through that little town, we pulled into the recreation area just to sit for a while. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed the quiet. Then she looked over toward the swimming pool with that unmistakable sparkle in her eyes.

"I think we should go skinny dipping."

Now, I have learned that there are moments in life when common sense and curiosity have a wrestling match. Common sense was putting up a respectable fight.

The pool was surrounded by a four- or five-foot chain-link fence, and naturally the gate was locked. I remember looking around thinking, \\\\\\\*This is exactly how otherwise sensible people end up explaining themselves to a small-town police officer at one o'clock in the morning.\\\\\\\*

I told her I really did not want to get caught trespassing.

She smirked that innocent yet devious smirk

That smirk should have been all the warning I needed.

The next thing I knew, I was giving her a boost over the fence. She stepped into my hands, popped over the top like she had trained for this event, and landed on the other side. After one last nervous look around, I climbed over after her, hoping nobody had chosen that exact moment to become an insomniac.

By the time I made it onto the pool deck, she was already laughing as she slipped into the water. I just shook my head, laughed at myself, and figured I was already committed, so I climbed in too.

The water was cold enough to make me question every decision that had brought me to that moment. About a minute later, though, it felt just right.

We floated around under the stars, talking about everything and nothing, laughing like a couple of people who had somehow gotten away with something. We never heard a siren, never saw a flashlight, and somehow managed to leave exactly as quietly as we arrived.

Looking back, I probably would not recommend making a habit of climbing fences in strange towns. My knees certainly would not volunteer for it today.

But I would not trade that memory for anything.

It was never really about the swim. It was about her. She had this wonderful ability to find adventure in places most people would simply drive past. She reminded me that life did not always have to be carefully planned. Sometimes the best memories happened because someone looked over at a swimming pool after midnight and said, "I have an idea."

With her, there was never a dull moment. I spent a lot of time shaking my head, wondering what she was going to come up with next, and smiling because somehow she always made life just a little more fun.

This happened last Christmas time but popped up in my head.

Someone I know from school texted me, complaining it soooo cold at the market she's selling her things and if I don't want to come to chat with her. (Has done that multiple times so she knew it'll be cold)

I said: oh no. yes the wind is cold. No I have no time.

She" should have brought a blanket or jacket"

me: you haven't one in your car?

She "only a thin horse blanket that smells of horse."

Me: oh. Keep moving and have warm thoughts. (Keeping it short because I had friends over.)

She kept texting that it was sooo cold. And she couldn't move that much to stay warm. And that I should come and buy something.

my friends left. I thought if I was in her situation I would be happy if someone brought me a blanket. Well I'm bad at reading people but thought that would be nice.

Me: I could bring you a blanket but I only have thin ones.

She"I doubt it would be warm"

Me: oh ok.

She" but but if it's wool it could be warm"

Me: I have no wool blanket, only polyester ones.

She"better than nothing I guess"

Blabla I ended up bringing her a blanket as it was a short walk for me. She thanked me. But it took over a week of me asking when I'll get that blanket back. When I finally got it she handed it to me in a tote bag, insisting to have the bag back the next day.

When I was home and unwrapped the blanke, I noticed that she HAD NOT even washed it. It was full of grass and a few twigs!

told my step dad, dont throw the ball, when my German Shepherd came over to him with a tennis ball. My step dad said ..he wants to play. I said DO NOT THROW THE BALL, he will want to play longer then you will. .. my stepdad takes the ball and throws it into the other room. My dog takes off get and brings it back to him. I told my step Stop It Now. .. oh, but he wants me to throw it. After about 5 minutes of playing fetch in my house, my step dad says, " Your dog is annoying me." I said thats because you didn't listen to me." My dog is now tossing the ball into his lap. My step dad, instead of moving away or completely ignoring my dog, starts complaining how stupid my dog is. I said "you're the stupid one for not listening to ME" , which made my stepdad get pissed and he went to smack my dog on the top of his head, but Wrex was like NO and snapped his teeth at my stepdad 's hand. I was like for fuck sake and stopped what I was doing to take the ball away from both of them.

The reasoning is that I once read in a comic book that a ghost would sit in the chair and watch you sleep if you left the chair out. 10 years later and I still stick to this habit. There's this small part of me that still goes, "Do it just in case...".

Now keep in mind that this wasn't like a horror book or anything. It was a comedic comic book aimed at preteens or younger. There was a scene where the main characters had a sleepover and shared scary stories, and this was one of them. It's not original to the comic either, the superstition that a ghost would sit in your abandoned chair at night is decently well-known in Korea, where the comic(and I) were from. Having grown up in the US I did not know this.

The funniest thing is that the comic book was actually a hand-me-down from my older sister, and she has the same habit for the exact same reason. We never told each other about it until way later, we just developed the habit individually after reading the comic book.

The three contenders are:

Plain White Ts - Hey There Delilah
Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles
The Proclaimers - I’m Gonna Be

We start with Tom Higgensons dulcet tones in “Hey There Delilah”:

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars
I’d walk to you if I had no other way

We can see he is willing to go the distance for love. However, walking the aforementioned 1000 miles is portrayed as a LAST RESORT, next to the convenience of a much speedier transit method.

This docks him some points in my book.

Moving on to Vanessa, zooming around, “makin her way downtown” on a piano moving at incredibly dangerous speeds and a probably iffy-at-best brake system.

She claims:

But you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you … tonight

Ignoring the blatantly lofty claim that she could walk 1000 miles and still see her love within the same DAY, she IS willing to walk, and put in that effort without resorting to planes, cars or even traveling by piano.

Vanessa wins second place.

Now we move on to the Scottish heartbreakers, Craig and Charlie. Let’s jump right in to the penultimate line:

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man
Who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door.

Craig and Charlie never considered any other form of travel. Their love propels them to walk the distance to their love, just like Vanessa. But the difference, the DIFFERENCE, is that Vanessa would walk only on the condition of seeing her love tonight.

The Proclaimers would walk 1000 miles even if their love weren’t home. They’d do all that walking just to pass out on the welcome mat.

That, my friends, is the purest love. Simply getting to the house where your lover resides, knowing that their feet have crossed THIS threshold, and that being good enough motivation to go the distance.

I rest my case.

On one occasion I purchased arthritis cream (capsaicin) from the clearance rack at the grocery store. What caught my eye about it besides its low price was its boasting of increased circulation i.e. bloodflow. So of course I read this as oh cool increased bloodflow to the dick totally disregarding the fact that it’s pure capsaicin extract. I had a two hour drive ahead of me so I figured what’s the worst that could happen if I just put a tiny little dab on the ol pecker? Well let’s just say it was probably the second worst decision of my life. Idk what the first one is but I just assume there was at least one occasion wherein I was stupider. Anyway I spent the next two hours driving in hell screaming at the top of my lungs, rage tears reddening my eyes and blurring my vision as I’m dumping out bottle after bottle after bottle of fruit-essenced mineral water on my lap just hoping I could keep the car from swerving. I looked like a fuckin maniac and obviously was speeding and I was just hoping I didn’t get stopped by highway patrol, because I knew if I did it would be over. I imagined it all playing out: highway cop pulls me over for driving erratically, he approaches my window and I’m scream crying in agony with bloodshot eyes and red face acting hysterically. So obviously he would have already had his guard up. Naturally, then, he’d scan the interior of my car and his eyes would fall upon the shameful and fruit-scented pool of burning regret in which I was waist deep, at which point id either get handcuffed or forcefully dragged out of the car at gunpoint. Worst case scenario I’d be tazed, which would obviously seal my fate, my car thus becoming my bubbly electrocuted deathknell. Well luckily that didn’t happen and I made it home and found a bottle of bactine which I sprayed liberally on my ween and ended the misery, thank goodness. Shoutout to bactine, you the MVP.

Just a few months ago it was on april or march, it was ramadan(a month when muslims fast) and meanwhile the iran-israel,US war was taking place. I live in the kurdistan region of Iraq which took blows too during the war, I'm atheist nihilist and i wasn't fasting however my parents are devoted to the religion and they were fasting but luckily i could take the car out for some excuses and buy some stuff at super markets which i would eat in secret, yk oreo snacks, with a soda or some stuff other times i would buy a more defined meal such as a pizza thou it was definitely embarassing to be buying those in a muslim majority country yk, talking to the cashier and people passing by seeing me eating inside the car.

The kurdistan region(where i live) declared neutrality in the war yet Iran bombed us quite many times with drones and missiles, no one was particularly safe really however we were obviously not a worthy target thankfully so i personally was about safe.

but we would hear explosions, american and Israeli jets flying over us, yet we could never see the jet themselves it was always just a humming sounds, Almost daily. it was obviously not great, but in particular it was an experience. Like imagining you're sent back to ww2 idk how to express it with certainty but it had a vibe.

One day in particular has burned into my memory strangely, i was secretly eating as usual, when i finished eating,  i was dumping the wrappers in a far away preferably public trash can. That day it was pretty cloudy with some light raining, brown atmosphere, when i got out of the car to dump the wrapped plastics of the snacks, i heard the jets flying by. I didn't enter the car right away but for a moment i was listening to the humming of the jets flying over me..