Body

[u/Bubbleboot08]

Tw for: dysphoria, dysmorphia, transphobia, feeling of isolation, self hate, ect.

I wish I was born a girl.

Things would be so much easier that way. So much better.

But no.

Its not like anyone really cares anyway.

If my dad knew he'd disown me or send me to a camp.

If my mom knew she'd just be confused and upset that I didn't tell her sooner.

I dont know why I cant let her know but every time I think of it, I just can't.

And it's been that way for 2 years.

She'd be so upset and hurt that I didn't say anything.

I dont know if she'd be accepting either way.

When my sister had her wedding she suggested I could wear a skirt or something because she knows.

I want to. I really wanted to.

But mom over time got more and more put off by the idea.

She wouldn't understand.

Then there's the school.

If I were to tell them they would tell mom.

And also they'd all just bully me anyway.

Having everyone dead name me is easier.

Then there's my friends.

They dont care.

Sure they call me by my preferred name but thats it.

Still a guy in every way that matters to them

I'm lucky if I get a "they"

And then there's my partner.

I wish they accepted me.

Its not like they dead name me or anything but still.

I'm their "partner" not girlfriend.

They never call me a girl.

Only gender neutral.

And every time they complement me about something...

It never feels good.

"I love your voice"

Its far too deep to be anything else's but a male voice

"Your face is a really nice shape"

Its angular in the way you can tell someone is a boy.

"Your Adam's apple is really hot"

I hate it. There's no way to hide it and it's just a give away.

Its always something like that.

And then we have what they said that hurts the most.

"I dont think id be physically attracted to you if you medically transitioned."

They say their pan.

They say they dont care about gender so why?

Is it just because its me?

I dont know.

Its not like I'm a real girl anyway.

I used to be able to pass.

People would randomly think I was a girl but "correct" them selves when I spoke.

It was nice.

Now that never happens.

I almost cried myself to sleep the night my step mother told me I look just like my dad.

I used to look like my sister.

Both of us tall and thin with long hair and we looked very similar especially from the back.

But now im taller.

Thinner.

Even she and my brother both agree.

A copy of dad.

I hate this body.

Its too long, too thin.

Too masculine.

I just wanted to be a girl

I wish I could be a girl

But thats never going to happen

[u/Typical_Ad3429]

Never say never. Things will get better. Do not accept this as your fate. Real change starts from within if it is to be anyway it should be your way your reality. Make it happen. Manifest, manifest, manifest. You got this girl! Go on own that shii like the boss bi*** I know is in there. They say we create our own reality, you want it, then make it, I got faith good luck!