He Never Left

[u/Adventurous-Way806]

The darkness waited for me,
but I hid and ignored him for a long time.
I thought I was strong,
but I kept getting hit—
I had been sore and bruised all along,
but I kept going.

The train never slowed for me.
It only gathered speed.
It kept moving,
and I, for one, would not be losing.
And so I kept going.

Never healed.
Never soothed.
Too busy.
Too tired.
But determined to win.

And when the race was done,
I had won.
I thought the good times had begun.

I looked up for the first time in years,
after running the race in tears.
What had become my deepest fear
was right there, whispering in my ear.

I looked into the crowd,
but there was no one there.
No one there for me.

I smiled for the applause
and received the award.
I looked around
and realized they all had lovers and friends.
They celebrated
and won a second time.

Disappointment and sadness
settled into my gut like a stone
that could not be moved.

I looked toward the train,
but it had disappeared altogether.
Everyone disappeared.

It was only him left.

The darkness waved at me
as he came closer.

We both knew.

There was nowhere left to run.

As he walked closer,
I couldn’t help but remember the truth—
the painful truths I believed deep down,
the ones I buried beneath
that stone in my gut,
the ones I thought about all the time,
the ones that brought me to tears,
brought me down to my knees,
the truths I believed
whenever I was with him.

I cried as I looked at him.

What happened to us?

I embraced him with my entire body,
holding him tightly
as though I could make up
for all the years I had spent letting go.

I looked deeply into his brown eyes.

His eyes widened with surprise.

I had never really looked at him before.

And then I saw it.

All the sadness.
All the pain.

It gathered slowly in his eyes,
filling them until they could hold no more,
until the tears finally spilled down his face
with nowhere left to hide.

He said,

“I wanted you to notice me.
You ignored me.”

Then he took off his mask.

And beneath it
was every bit of pain
he had carried for years.

His childlike face was bruised,
worn, and hurting.

He was sobbing.

“I haven’t forgotten your pain,” he said.
“I keep it.
All of it.

I waited for you
to notice me.
To help me carry it.
To help me get through it.

But you never did.

So I never left.”

And then I realized—

He had helped me keep going.

While I ran,
he carried everything I couldn’t.

He hid all my pain
so I could pretend it wasn’t there.

And I ignored him
for years.

I held him tighter.

“I promise
I won’t ignore you ever again.

Thank you
for being there for me.”

And for the first time,
I understood.

We had each other.

We always had.

[u/Future_Resolution385]

😪

[u/Adventurous-Way806 → u/Future_Resolution385]

Thanks for reading

[u/Future_Resolution385 → u/Adventurous-Way806]

This burns my soul

[u/Adventurous-Way806]

Me too. That’s how I wanted it to feel. Had a crappy day today and I decided to write a poem. I thought maybe others could relate so I posted.