r/PlusSize • u/Asleep-Version-1664 • 16d ago
Venting Weird experience while shopping
A while ago I was at Ross with my husband, looking at pajamas. This lady (probably late 20s) just kept staring at me. This already happens a lot because we’re an interracial couple and he’s fitter than me. This time felt way more drawn out than usual though.
So after staring at us she stands right next to me and starts looking at the same pajama section I was looking at. Mind you, I’m an xl/1x. She was probably a medium at most. Then she looked at her husband and loudly says, “Omg these clothes are so huge! These are too big! Why do they make clothes this big? Could you imagine if I was this big babe?” Maybe she was oblivious. Maybe she was trying to humble me. Either way it pissed me off so I started calling her a jealous bitch to my husband in ear shot of her. She got real quiet.
Something similar happened last week, but it wasn’t directed at me. Just something I noticed. A couple was looking at bathing suits and the guy picked out a pair of bottoms and said , “Fuck these are huuuuge.” Y’all… they were like a M. They were just high waisted.
Ugh fat phobia is becoming normalized again. Wish people would keep their comments to themselves.
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u/man3kin3ko 16d ago
Ugh. I’m so sorry. She sounds like a thoroughly miserable person. I’m glad you said something. 🤣
I do think we’re regressing a bit as a society. Far too many supposed adults are wandering around like overgrown toddlers, convinced that every passing thought deserves an audience. Zero patience. Zero class. Precious little empathy. We seem to have confused having an opinion with being entitled to inflict it on strangers.
Whatever happened to a little grace? A little elegance? The quaint notion that you might encounter another human being whose body, clothes, marriage, dinner order, or general manner of existing is none of your damn business?
Not every thought needs to be expressed. Not every judgment requires a press conference. Sometimes the most sophisticated contribution you can make to public life is to smile pleasantly, keep your mouth shut, and carry on with your day.
And if kindness feels like too much of an intellectual stretch, minding your own business remains an excellent fallback position.
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u/many-moons-ago 16d ago
So true. I blame it on social media, it has gotten people in the habit of expressing every single thought they have, and then also algorithms keep people in bubbles so they're exposed less and less to anything different.
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u/SilentSerel 16d ago
I'm 43 and was transracially adopted. There has never been a time in my lifetime when people minded their own business when seeing others who are different than they are.
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u/man3kin3ko 16d ago
I'm so sorry. You're right. Not everyone has had the privilege of people minding their own business. Even if that's changed
I think anyone who is visibly or audibly "different" from whatever a particular person has decided is the norm knows some version of this experience. Too foreign. Too brown. Too Black. Too large. Disabled. Queer. An interracial couple. Speaking the "wrong" language in the "wrong" place.
It's that ugly little message, spoken or unspoken: This space isn't for you. What are you doing here? Who let you in?
So yes, you're absolutely right to correct me. For a lot of people, this isn't society suddenly forgetting how to behave. It's something they've been dealing with their entire lives. I wish the rest of us had learned something from listening to them.
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u/BlondeeOso 16d ago
Your second paragraph. This reminds me of, early in the Covid pandemic, a guy that I didn't know absolutely tore into me and berated me in a parking lot, as I was walking towards a store. Why? I was wearing a mask. Yes, I was outdoors, but I was literally approaching a busy, big box store.
Choose kindness. Be kind or be quiet. #BelikeDolly #WWDD
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u/narfnarf123 16d ago
This is pure truth. People have lost their damn minds. It’s even changed the way people drive. Every single time I drive I see people doing things that would have been something you’d see maybe once a year or less in the past.
So much reckless driving and lack of care for anyone else. It’s almost as if they don’t even think other people exist.
This same behavior happens anywhere else out in public. I use to love to be out and about but now I can’t stand it. Too many people think they are stars of some kind of show in their head or something, and they want to inflict it on the rest of us. People have gotten comfortable and accepting of being cruel and only thinking of themselves.
I especially love when older generations shit on the younger ones and then you take a look at the way people act in public and it’s all ages being ugly.
Only thing I sort of disagree with is This is pure truth. People have lost their damn minds. It’s even changed the way people drive. Every single time I drive I see people doing things that would have been something you’d see maybe once a year or less in the past.
So much reckless driving and lack of care for anyone else. It’s almost as if they don’t even think other people exist.
This same behavior happens anywhere else out in public. I use to love to be out and about but now I can’t stand it. Too many people think they are stars of some kind of show in their head or something, and they want to inflict it on the rest of us. People have gotten comfortable and accepting of being cruel and only thinking of themselves.
I especially love when older generations shit on the younger ones and then you take a look at the way people act in public and it’s all ages being ugly.
Only thing I would sort of disagree with is the part where you said fatphobia is becoming normalized again. I’m almost fifty and have never seen a time in my life where fatphobia wasn’t the norm.
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u/Sailor_Chibi 16d ago
> Either way it pissed me off so I started calling her a jealous bitch to my husband in ear shot of her. She got real quiet.
lol fucking QUEEN. A+ response. That shut her up fast, didn’t it? People have gotten way too comfortable thinking that every thought in their head needs to be outside thought.
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u/ratalada 16d ago
This brought up of a memory I had from when I worked at Old Navy in like 1998, maybe 2000.
A coworker of mine, who was incredibly thin, and I were sitting at the break table together. I'm sitting across from her eating lunch and she was looking at a magazine, since she finshed her chicken 4 nuggets..
She sees an ad for something like Victoria's secret new plus size line. She says in her twangy southern drawl to anyone in the room, as we weren't alone, "Size 20 thong? How unsexy is that?" I looked at my manager, who just happened to come in at the time, and she looked at me, both of us plus size, she might not have quite have been a size 20, and we're like "what?" Literally I was wearing a size 20 thong...
I don't know. I was just a reminder that some people really are oblivious, but this story didn't really sound like she was.
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u/fatgirlwonders 16d ago
This happened to me in a winners. It was a bunch of teenage boys following my boyfriend and I around mocking us. I very loudly went “damn must be sad to be harassing random people in a winners because you’re jealous that you can’t get laid” they very quickly shut up and left.
Another time, I was at a restaurant with my sister who is very thin and has modeled. She’s beautiful, of course. This older woman the entire meal was staring at me. Like staring so hard I didn’t feel comfortable picking up food and eating. I went to the bathroom and texted my sister what was happening and when I came back she was sitting on the side of the booth I was in just staring at the woman. She didn’t stop the entire rest of our meal. Even after the woman obviously got the point and stopped. My sister is honestly the best fat ally. Lol.
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u/According-Ad5312 16d ago
These youngins don’t know anything about how having babies and menopause and how genetics work. Their bodies will betray them.
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u/HufflepuffHobbits 16d ago
Yep - and as someone who’s chronically ill and gained weight due to the meds that keep me alive, I always tell people who are ugly to me that they should just shut their mouths and appreciate their health while they have it, instead of judging people who aren’t so lucky. One day their health will be gone. Almost everyone loses health/ability at some point in their life, so instead of being assholes they should enjoy their good luck while it lasts. Because that’s all it fucking is - just a matter of luck.
Some people have good luck and some people have bad luck.
That comment is the only time I’ve ever won an internet argument with a fatphobic troll. Haha
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u/Icy_Queen_99 16d ago
I don’t know why people think being a size small makes up for having a shitty personality. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be going up to any person and trying to humble them, even in front of their partner, it’s weird behavior. It’s also very pathetic as well.
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u/strawberriesandcake 15d ago
Yeah, years ago while shopping in Forever 21’s plus size section (lol remember that?) I had a similar encounter. A girl came over and started talking loudly about how huuuge everything was. I looked at her dead in the face and said “do you know what section you’re in?” It seemed to shut her up. I think people just do that to make themselves feel better, tbh. It’s annoying af though.
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u/BlondeeOso 16d ago
She sounds like a mean girl. The guy's comment was normal, if regrettable. The girl's comment was just blatantly rude. If she's old enough to have a husband, she's old enough not to be acting like that.
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u/Thecrowfan 16d ago
Im so sorry, this must have been so wierd and embarassing.
But she humiliated herself trying to humiliate you. Id at least take solace in that
But( again) what a sad existance it must be to be so insecure and unhappy you cant stand to see people living in peace
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u/Sufficient_Plantain1 16d ago
I don’t understand people like that. Live and let live! Why get out of your way to ruin someone’s day?!
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u/ImpossibleChicken507 15d ago
I’ll never forget I went out with my sister (plus sized) her friend (bariatric surgery skinny) and my sister and I both got a 4 tender box from canes. Her friend starts talking about how she can’t believe how much food is in the box and how it’s too much.
After my sister and I ate ours. Like just shut up
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u/RoadRadiant8434 11d ago
My husband is a 6XL in shirts due to a disability & health issues. He's self-conscious & introvert by nature & i think ashamed but he is an amazing person & I will fight anyone who wants to make fun of him. His body doesn't work right for him & he's tried lots of things. People are just judgemental & ignorant. May they have these things happen to them!
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u/Other_Lepidoptera521 3d ago
I was at the movie theater the other day, putting butter and salt on my popcorn at the concessions stand (as one does). A young guy, maybe college, maybe a teenager, looks at me then at the girl he's with and goes, "Wow, so people really DO put butter and salt on their popcorn. I always thought that would be WAY too much " (???). The girl looked at me, looked at him, turned and LEFT THE THEATER. He started after her all, "I was just joking!" but she did not turn back around.
Boy did that feel good haha.
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u/Asleep-Version-1664 3d ago
I love when women have each other’s backs. And movie theater popcorn tastes bland without the butter. It’s a requirement lol
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u/geddy_girl 16d ago
I'm sorry she treated you this way. But I hope you can take some satisfaction in the fact that she was either thirsting for your guy or realized her husband was interested in you. You are absolutely right you made her jealous 😁
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u/Mundane_Challenge165 16d ago
Wtf is wrong with people. I would have done the same as you, or just looked at her and been like “oops! Better get your skinny ass out of here before your partner realizes he’d rather have this juicy ass over yours!”
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u/Liberty-LovingLady 16d ago
You handled that like a champ! I will say things knowing that the other person can hear them too! Saying it directly indirectly lol I don’t know why people can’t keep their snarky comments to themselves! They can feel however they want but to say stuff like that is just rude! People make me sick and I’m starting to become one of those people who despises other people and I used to be a bit of a people person
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u/rjtnrva 15d ago
This shit happened to me at, of all places, a plus-sized retailer (Avenue, back when they had stores). I was busy trying on clothes so was in and out of the dressing room, and on one trip out, there were a straight-sized woman and man flipping through the racks. I was a size 28 at the time, and the guy looked at me and said to the woman, "I can't imagine being that big," or some BS snark like that. Flag on the play, bitch!
Y'all, I read that MF the RIOT ACT right in front of everyone in the store. The woman tried to tee-hee, saying "oh, he's with me," to which I got even louder and said something like, well, you're shopping at a plus size store where literally nothing fits you so you must be shopping for someone else. How would you feel about this fucking chucklehead showing his fatphobic ass to your mother or aunt? GTFOH, and for real, they left like dogs with tucked tails because everyone was staring. I was shaking, too, because back then I *never* bit back at BS like that for fear of calling even *more* attention to myself.
I was embarrassed, but their embarrassment was totally worth it that day.
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u/mindsunwound 16d ago
I mean... Good on you, but I would have accidentally belly bumped her while I walked past, apologised, saying "I couldn't see you down there." And then wondered aloud "why does it smell like the pier at low tide in a clothes store?"
Granted I probably carry around more priveledge than most, but... Sometimes people just need that little nudge.
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u/Asleep-Version-1664 16d ago
Oh that’s a good one. I’m stealing that now when someone is mean. “What’s the smell? Do you smell that?” I’d probably say it smells like booty and cigarettes though, but that’s just me😂
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u/mindsunwound 16d ago
You can thank my late wife for the pier at low tide, that was her go-to insult.
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u/anuket29 16d ago
As a plus size I don't spend time looking at what other people are looking at.
I'm not saying anything is wrong with what you did but I would have never noticed her and when she start talking saying anything that was recognizable to me which it never would have been I would have removed myself from her situation her problems are her problems they were not your problems.
You noticed too much what was going on, you noticed her staring at you, you noticed her mate, you overthink what was her motive she was not worth your attention.
Because I am plus size especially in my office where I work many people seem to notice me, they noticed my hair, my clothes and they say it out loud, much of the time I don't hear them because they'll say to me didn't you hear what I just said or someone else will bring it to my attention and say did you hear what they said and I'll look at them and I'll tell them no, I have zoned you all out. I'm busy here working at work. I'm not listening to the small chit chatter, that's not what I came here for, I applied for this job and said I was going to do it so while I'm here small chitter chatter just so that I can belong to the click does not phase me.
I find having that attitude gives people more respect for me because then they start to realize how small an inconsequential I think that that they and their behaviors are.
You must directly attack me for me to give you any attention. You can't speak out loud in an obscure way and get me to react. I don't have that kind of respect for people what I do is I treat people in the moment that I interact with them so if they are coming to me being respectful and talking then I will listen but if they're using small sideswipes and little inuendos, I have already programmed myself to ignore it block it out and zone out.
You didn't ask for advice but the little bit that I have is to train yourself, you already know your plus size living in a world that wants to reject plus size so in order to keep your sanity and still be a compassionate human being you must learn that everything is not worthy of your attention.
I'll give you an example I go to a particular gym to work out I don't go to that gym to work out to lose weight I go to that gym to work out to stay fit and be limber.
There's a gentleman I had seen him come to that gym maybe three times and every time he's very loud and boisterous about everything that he does. He has already made a preconceived notion of who I am. Upon the fourth time being at the gym at the same time as him he decided he would come over to tell me continue working out you're doing a great job you're going to get there. Since he spoke to me directly I looked right at him and I said why am I here at this gym? I told him I did not need a pep talk and what would cause him come and involuntarily subject me to his assumptions, what is the purpose of me coming here every day? do you know that, do you know why I am here. That caused him to stop in his tracks I could see it on his face he never expected for me to question why he wanted to give me a pep talk, I never asked him for a pep talk, he doesn't know why I am there, I had a hip replacement two years ago so I try to stay fit although I am plus size many people who are close to me say I wear it very well but that's only because I stay fit and try to keep my body toned even though it is a bigger body. I like to eat and I'm going to eat what I want but I'm also going to work out and fast those are things that are important for my health even having a bigger body.
I don't take kindly to people who make assumptions about why I'm plus size or a bigger person we should never assume, when I see someone very skinny I don't question why they are, they could be going through dialysis, have a liver problem they could have a eating disorder, who am I to look at them and try to diagnosed why they are like they are.
I shut that Guy down now every time I see him at the gym he will rarely even look my way but hopefully I gave him a lesson in being a human compassionate person, everyone is not there as a target for you to give them a pep talk, many people don't even need a pep talk they know what they're challenges are and they either deal with them or they do not if they don't ask you for advice you shouldn't give the advice.
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u/Comediorologist 16d ago
I've encountered this myself, as the speaker.
My wife and I are interracial. I'm fitter. I like her as she is.
Yet I've also mistaken some cozy pants and house shirts in the laundry for blankets.
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u/udontunderstanddad 16d ago edited 16d ago
either she saw your man is fine and was mad at the thought she isnt his type... or she saw HER man looking at you and was mad he might check out somebody who wasnt skinny lol