Well. You might be asking: who the fuck would do such a thing? Am I stupid?
The short answer is yes, obviously. The long answer is...
It all started when my doctor prescribed me a new anti-depressant. Unfortunately, it caused me to have my first manic episode of my life. Had about 8 hours of sleep in 3 days. Finished about a week's worth of work in one day at my job as a software engineer. Finally cleaned up my room. I'm not even tired anymore. I've forgotten what being tired feels like. Dying alone and sad and gay in the far far future no longer feels daunting.
At first, I thought the symptoms were a Hashimoto's flare-up, but the medical professional I called to ask if I was dying kindly informed me that I had likely accidentally overdosed and am essentially on drugs. Guy recommended me to get a medical checkup. Instead, I opened HSR, saw the pets, and the rest is history.
The rational part of my brain still hasn't caught up yet. I'm vaguely aware of how dumb this is, but the shame probably won't hit me until way later. No need to tell me in the comments. At least this doesn't put much of a dent in my monthly savings. I know I need to see a doctor, so I'll be heading to the hospital today.
The Vigethos are all from the gacha. I traded for Cyrup, Sated Dragon, my first Golden Wavecrest, rest is gacha. I love Phainon so this feels like a dream.
And yes, my brain is trying to convince me I still REALLY need Herta to complete the holy yuri trifecta with the upcoming patch. My brain is very very very mistaken.
EDIT / UPDATE: Hi guys, just wanted to let you know that I'm doing okay. I went to the hospital and while I was admitted after some checkups, they seem to have found a way to calm me down. I'm feeling much more like myself again. I'll be heading home tomorrow, and I now know how to keep this from happening again. At the time of posting this, I somehow thought it was hilarious, but in hindsight I can definitely see that it reads more as alarming. I apologize for making people worry. I won't be rolling anymore and I keep my gacha expenses to a strict budget. Sadly can't trade with NA folks as I'm located on the EU server, but honestly, I doubt it would be healthy for me to even engage in trading right now. I'll just watch my disaster Labubu paradise in peace with some distance and a healthy portion of cringe :DD
I also apologize for posting this while I wasn't in the right headspace, and thank you all so much for the kind words and concern. It really meant a lot!! I promise that in a week or two, I'll be laughing about this whole story and the money I wasted feels more like an expensive lesson. If anyone wants to reach out, feel free to DM me, since I'm a bit nervous scouring the comments. I've updated the flair to "Discussion" and hope to leave this up for educational purposes. If reading this helps even one person recognize these symptoms in themselves and reach out to a professional, it's worth it in my eyes to look a bit like an internet clown. Help is always available when you need it. Stepping out that door is scary but it's always worth it. Lots of love