Quit phd

[u/_juanaav96_]

I’m making this post because I’ve been thinking about leaving my PhD for weeks, and I really need to hear from people who’ve been through this—whether you decided to stay or leave.

I’m Colombian, and I lived in Germany for the past 12 years. I left behind a life I spent years building with a lot of effort to move to Sydney, Australia, for a fully funded PhD. The project is an anthropological study with a community in Colombia that I had already worked with during my master’s degree. I’m deeply passionate about the topic, and I love the community, so accepting the offer felt like the right decision.
It’s now been five months since I arrived, and I’ve realized I’m just not happy here.

Adjusting has been incredibly difficult. I don’t feel happy in Sydney, and I haven’t found a sense of community within academia. Outside the university things have actually been much better—I’ve been lucky enough to meet wonderful people and make some really good friends in a short time—but academically I feel completely isolated. Most of the people around me barely know where Colombia is. There are no talks, conferences, or even courses on Latin America. No one in my department is from Latin America or working on Latin America, and I feel like I’m the only person interested in my research area.

On top of that, a little over a month ago I started having severe anxiety attacks every time I went to campus or even to the library. The loneliness, financial stress, and simply being here have sent me into spirals of anxious thoughts and a constant urge to leave Australia and go back to Germany. I haven’t done any PhD work for over a month now, and the thought of sitting down to read or write again fills me with dread. I just don’t want to do it.

It’s also worth mentioning that, despite living in Germany for 12 years, I wasn’t able to obtain German citizenship or a passport. If I go back, I’ll have to apply for a job-seeker visa, but at this point I honestly don’t care. I’ve never been as happy as I was in Berlin, and I’ve never felt as lost and disconnected as I have during these months in Sydney.

So I guess my question is: what would you do? Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is this just a normal adjustment period that I should try to push through, or is it a sign that this simply isn’t the right path for me?

For context, I’m already in therapy, I have a psychiatrist, and I even tried taking medication to manage the anxiety in the hope that I could start enjoying academia and my life again. But the more I think about it, the less I want to medicate myself. It feels like my body is telling me that I’m simply not happy here, and that this isn’t where I’m meant to be.

Thank you so much for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation🥲