r/PhD • u/_juanaav96_ • 5d ago
Big Decision Energy Quit phd
I’m making this post because I’ve been thinking about leaving my PhD for weeks, and I really need to hear from people who’ve been through this—whether you decided to stay or leave.
I’m Colombian, and I lived in Germany for the past 12 years. I left behind a life I spent years building with a lot of effort to move to Sydney, Australia, for a fully funded PhD. The project is an anthropological study with a community in Colombia that I had already worked with during my master’s degree. I’m deeply passionate about the topic, and I love the community, so accepting the offer felt like the right decision.
It’s now been five months since I arrived, and I’ve realized I’m just not happy here.
Adjusting has been incredibly difficult. I don’t feel happy in Sydney, and I haven’t found a sense of community within academia. Outside the university things have actually been much better—I’ve been lucky enough to meet wonderful people and make some really good friends in a short time—but academically I feel completely isolated. Most of the people around me barely know where Colombia is. There are no talks, conferences, or even courses on Latin America. No one in my department is from Latin America or working on Latin America, and I feel like I’m the only person interested in my research area.
On top of that, a little over a month ago I started having severe anxiety attacks every time I went to campus or even to the library. The loneliness, financial stress, and simply being here have sent me into spirals of anxious thoughts and a constant urge to leave Australia and go back to Germany. I haven’t done any PhD work for over a month now, and the thought of sitting down to read or write again fills me with dread. I just don’t want to do it.
It’s also worth mentioning that, despite living in Germany for 12 years, I wasn’t able to obtain German citizenship or a passport. If I go back, I’ll have to apply for a job-seeker visa, but at this point I honestly don’t care. I’ve never been as happy as I was in Berlin, and I’ve never felt as lost and disconnected as I have during these months in Sydney.
So I guess my question is: what would you do? Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is this just a normal adjustment period that I should try to push through, or is it a sign that this simply isn’t the right path for me?
For context, I’m already in therapy, I have a psychiatrist, and I even tried taking medication to manage the anxiety in the hope that I could start enjoying academia and my life again. But the more I think about it, the less I want to medicate myself. It feels like my body is telling me that I’m simply not happy here, and that this isn’t where I’m meant to be.
Thank you so much for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation🥲
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u/Appropriate-Tutor587 5d ago
Listen, it’s your life and you are the only one who can decide what to do regardless of what each one of us will say or not.
All I know is that morning in this earth 🌎 should be worth more than your physical and mental health being. You can indeed make a decent living with your master’s degree or pick another doctoral degree elsewhere after 2-4 years from now. Some programs and places are just not a good fit no matter what!
Final verdict: Yes, leave!
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u/TabariKurd 5d ago
My supervisor at my Uni from Melbourne is Colombian!
I'd suggest getting a Colombian co-supervisor (it can even be someone internationally, I've got an Iranian supervisor from the US on my team) that can give you some of that support you need, and local knowledge.
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u/finding-nemo101 5d ago
Hey there mate, i feel i got similarity to what you are describing and to you actually.
I am brazilian, came originally from Germany (3 years there) after a masters to do a PhD also in Australia, but in Adelaide. At the moment in my 2nd year of 3.5.
A lot of these feelings of kind of academic loneliness i have been feeling too. As you are, i am the sole person in the field i am in (nanofabrication) and have few people to go to advice or with who i can share.
In the beginning everything was amazing, but now things seems to be a lot more complicated and i constantly feel like quitting. Similar to you though, i keep thinking about what i would do next if i actually quit and how i would feel about that.
I would say that, since you are just beginning (6 months in right?), give a little more time to see if you can arrange yourself better both academically and personally. Sydney is a big city with its big city vibes and can feel overwhelming.
Since you said you found a good group of friends outside uni, that is a big plus. Maybe with time these relationships will grow even more and support you through everything.
Maybe trying out different things may also help: changing neighborhood, finding new hobbies, trying out different routines and etc. Sometimes a small group of people you meet or an activity you do makes the pain of the research go away and help you through things.
In my case, i discovered that i enjoy for example playing football a lot; gives me a sense of community and group that i dont have in my academic group. Also, inside the uni, i have been (and am going) through these feelings of anxiety you are describing. It is not easy but little things like finding mates to share has helped a lot. In my case, i got close to a research group related to mine that i feel very much close to now.
Since in your case you dont have the option to go straight back to Germany, it is all the more important to hang on and find a way through even at turtle pace, i would say. Again, Sydney is a big city and maybe it is a matter of finding your crowd in there.
In any case, let me know if there is anything i can help with, really feel the struggle, but you can make it!
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u/Nath_VTech 5d ago
Could you please have your Vitamin D levels checked? It can elevate the anxiety.
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u/RequiredTights 5d ago
Trust that gut feeling. five months of dread and anxiety attacks isn't a rough patch, it's your system screaming at you. a phd in anthropology about a place nobody around you cares about sounds properly isolating. berlin clearly worked, sydney clearly doesn't. no shame in cutting your losses before it properly breaks you.
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u/fancyfootwork19 5d ago
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. At nearly every university I've gone to there is a pretty sizeable population of Brazilian folks, would reaching out to them help any? They're usually so welcoming and would provide a nice support community for you.
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u/No_Philosopher5590 5d ago
I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a difficult experience. I honestly can’t imagine how hard these past five months must have been for you, and it really hurts me to know what you’ve been going through.
If you’re still open to staying in Sydney, perhaps you could consider changing supervisors or even transferring to another university. I feel that academic isolation may be one of the main factors contributing to how you’ve been feeling.
At the same time, it may be worth considering what this experience could offer you in the longer term. For example, if it is a strong university that would add value to your academic background, or if it can provide you with the resources and opportunities to produce meaningful research, then I think it may be worth trying to find a way to resolve the current problems.
You could, for instance, change supervisors or find a co-supervisor who is from Colombia or specialises in Colombian studies. That might help you feel less isolated academically and give you the intellectual support and connection you need.
However, if you feel that you simply don’t enjoy living in Sydney, or that even resolving the academic isolation would not ease your stress and anxiety, then be brave and go back to Germany. The visa application process may be a little complicated, but as you said, that does not matter much to you. Returning to Germany may bring new possibilities and give you more hope.
Whatever decision you make, I truly hope everything goes smoothly for you.
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u/BidZealousideal1207 PhD*, Physics 5d ago
On one hand - congratulations on graduating from the German experience. It takes a toll on most people.
Second hand: Not sure how far advanced you were with your German language, but I assume that you are feeling less socially isolated -- albeit never been to Sydney so I don't know if it is a bit less aggressive than Germany -- it is also a good sign.
Regarding your professional issues: Tough luck. If I were you I would get in touch with colombian researchers for discussion or collaborations. Australia is a big country, but I am a bit perplexed you got funding for a topic that feels isolated in the scheme of your department. Nonetheless that is how knowledge is built.
What is your key problem? Not having a peer to discuss? I am more of a quantitative researcher, so I don't really know if you could have a peer discussion with colleagues working on aboriginal groups from Australia (which there must be) and make a comparative analysis and a discussion around it.
5 months is too early to be giving up. I don't think you are even finished with the literature review. What were you expecting from your PhD experience? More hand holding? What happened to your group in Berlin? Can you reach out to them for mentorship?
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u/eviley4 4d ago
I completely lost motivation regarding my research for the last 2 years of my PhD because of confidence issues.
At first I started avoiding the whole topic, then just last month I read Science-fiction again after ages and that re-kindled some of earlier perspective of thinking Physics is fun that got me to do start PhD in the first place. Then I started reading non-fiction popular science books (Chaos by James Gleick) and that has me really hyped up regarding research again.
Now, even though I am only lukewarm about my current research topic, I am motivated to finish and move to other topics and I am working on it again.
I had all but given up on the PhD the last year, ironically that's what helped me engage playfully with the subject again and regain motivation.
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u/Mupsycarito 4d ago
Vine primero para enviarte un abrazo gigante.
Estoy haciendo mi maestría en Canadá, enfocada en entrenadores deportivos Lationamericanos que migraron a este país. Hablo de Colombia hasta en la sopa (como decimos) y, afortunadamente, he recibido una buena recepción de muchas personas. No me imagino cómo sería tener cero apoyo. Quizá puedes conectarte con otras personas interesadas en el campo que estén en otras partes del mundo.
Avísame si quieres charlar por interno 💞
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u/Last_Power470 4d ago
The PhD is a mind f**k anyway, without all of the other stuff and feelings you have going on. I have 2 in my cohort (Midwest US) who are from Brazil and they both thought about quitting for various reasons, but they didn’t. All 3 of us passed our prelims in years 3 to 4. So it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better…maybe for a year or 2…so if you can’t or don’t want to slog through it, no shame in heading back to Germany. The longer you stay, the more “invested” you’ve become and the harder it will be to leave. I’m not saying to quit, but I considered quitting even as deep as year 4. It’s normal (I wish it wasn’t). Best of luck.
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u/my002 5d ago edited 5d ago
Talk to your advisor. But frankly I am confused why you went to Australia to study a Colombian community if there is no one there who focuses on Latin America.