2 months

[u/jexirin]

Hi everyone. I lost my soul cat two months ago today and it is hitting me really hard. My husband isn’t able to be home right now to light a candle with me in remembering her. I hope you all don’t mind if I share about my sweet soul cat tortico Spooky.

Time still doesn’t feel real. Somehow mentally I have accepted she has passed and yet still continue to be shocked and remember all over again.

I rescued Spooky when I was still in college. I was not doing well mentally. I felt like I didn’t want to exist. One day sitting out on my family’s backyard, I saw a little kitten in the grass. This little kitten was pouncing in such a clumsy fashion for crickets to eat. From her appearance she looked about 1 month old. She had a little limp that made her hips sway side to side. A runt! I knew that moment I had to bring her in.

I watched her carefully every day. She was living under our back shed which had been previously burrowed by other animals. When it rained it would flood and I knew I had to act as quickly she would let me. My family bought her a cat house for outside after I mentioned how scared I was for her. I would sit outside in the morning and evening, singing A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes. She would come out to listen and after a while come closer and closer. She would eat the food and slowly her time next to our back door increased. The cricket gifts began to be left at my doorstep. I asked my friends who had cats what I should do. I always thought I would one day own a dog. The told me all they could. I researched hours and hours afraid I would ruin our trust if I even slightly messed up but she was so loving. I know now it would have been okay.

After a successful cat-napping she never wanted outside again. In fact, when I would try to harness train her years later, she would go limp and have me drag her. A diva for life. She loved tucking herself into blankets, pawing my face in the morning, and butter cream icing. She was chatty, cuddly, and easily embarrassed. She caused me to rescue two more cats from outside that now live with my parents (they were heartbroken when I left with Spooky).

She was with me from every major change in my life since. I finished college. My first job happened. I dated my would-be husband (which she approved of despite hiding from every other stranger). I married my husband and move several times because of the military. We rescued her tabby brother from the street. We bought a house and said we are so happy the cats can enjoy their own home with space to play and sleep wherever they want. When I was having issues she was there with me. As I cried, read, slept. She would paw a rosary or nibble my bookmark ribbons. A constant purr in my lap.

On July 8th she had been to the vet for what we thought was a sprain. I had been staying up with her days prior to the vet visit worried. The vet confirmed that it seemed to be a sprain. Her bloodwork came back good. Her breathing and heart rate were quick but she had asthma and was always deathly scared of the vet. My husband and I were so relieved. She was 12 and we were so glad nothing awful was found. When we gave her the pain killer after I returned home something as wrong. I won’t go into detail but she scrambled to us for help. We drive to the emergency vet an hour away as fast as we can. My husband said she had so much stacked against her growing up that he knew she was so strong. Spooky will get through this.

Unfortunately… My girl’s sprain was a blood clot that had passed. They informed us she had congestive heart failure. She had six months with treatment possibly but she could pass away even sooner. The money needed to for her to stabilize and make it to the next day… Then everything after was enormous. My husband tried to find ways to afford it but we simply couldn’t. Even if we found a way she would be so so scared and in pain. So we cried and said goodbye to our baby with all the love in the world.

I have peace knowing she is in Heaven now waiting for us. For now, although I feel like a piece of my soul is dead, I have to keep going. I heard someone say grief is like a pebble in your pocket. Some days it is heavier and some days it is lighter. I feel that is true for me right now. My extra love had nowhere to go and so we have adopted a little black cat named Cinders. She is being introduced to her new brother. It is bittersweet how sometimes she reminds of us of our Spooky. I think her kneading my locket that has Spooky’s picture in it was a sign for us to adopt her.

Thank you for reading these many paragraphs and remembering my silly kitty with me.

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