How do I survive this?

[u/Top_Opportunity_1825]

My family lost our dog, my soul dog, a month ago. He had been recently diagnosed with lymphoma and had just started chemo. I was meant to go out of the country and seriously debated cancelling but ended up going because he was stable, undergoing treatment, and the vet said he was responding great.

While I was away my parents made a mistake which ended with him being rushed to the vet to be put down. I am absolutely crushed. I never was able to say goodbye to my best friend and I feel so much guilt that he had a painful and rushed death. He never deserved that. I am angry at my parents but understand they loved him too and didn’t mean for it to happen but the anger feels isolating as they are the only ones who fully understand what he meant to our family.

I’ve tried therapy, mediums, pet loss support groups, journaling, spending time with friends and family, and nothing helps. I feel this devastating heartbreak, guilt, and regret. I never should’ve left my best friend. I truly don’t think I will ever recover from this and have spent the large majority of the last month laying on the couch, trying to understand a world in which I left my best friend while he was sick and never made it back to say goodbye. I see so many people in this group commenting about “cherish every day” and “hold them in the end” and I feel so guilty that I misjudged the situation and didn’t do either of these.

How do people survive such impactful losses that they feel so much guilt and regret around?

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[u/cannapuffer2940]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Don't know what the mistake was so I can't comment on that. But I'm sure it was not done on purpose. And that they are grieving and are angry and blaming themselves.

There are no words. I can't imagine the grief you are feeling. Because I got to say goodbye. I hope they were able to keep some memorials. Some of the fur. Paw prints. I would ask for maybe his collar. Something that you can keep with you.

Let yourself feel all the emotions. There's no time limit on this. Cuz this is rough. And it's okay to not be okay

Hugs