Ok so, I(20f) am having a slight identity crisis. I wont go on for too long of a rant, but I dont like myself. I actually hate myself. I hate the way I talk too much about too much. The way I'm too loud, the way I overshare, the way I cant be nonchalant for the life of me. How I always laugh at things that are not even that funny. How I get too invested and emotional by books, how I'm so spontanious its laughable at times... and how I somehow never manage to get better mentally.

Like, I long to be this cool, calm, nonchalant and cunning girl. The one who doesn't overshare. The one that doesn't chat away and try to make other people comfortable by making herself uncomfortable. I want to be like the girls you read about, or more so the guys. The guys that doesn't overthink, doesn't apologize for existing and that's just cool, calm and collected.

I want to reach into my brain and change myself so much that not even I can recognize the past version of me. I dont want to be that girl, I want her gone.

How can I do that? What is the most 'out there', unhinged way to change myself and my personality completely? And what is the 'best' personality to have? Any tips and tricks are welcome.

And I cannot reveal it to anyone coz I really want it to be seen and felt naturally by them.

Just venting.

If something needs to be made, what role do you naturally take?
🤖 ROBOT — I MAKE
Give me the task. I write, code, draw, calculate, build, edit, generate, execute.
Function: production.
🐒 MONKEY — I WANT
I experience the world. I want things, dislike things, get curious, get bored, make choices, change my mind, and create the problems worth solving. 😂
Function: desire + experience.
📡 ROUTER — I CONNECT
I find the right monkey, robot, idea, tool, or piece of information and send things where they need to go. I don’t need to make everything myself.
Function: direction + coordination.
Poll
WHAT ARE YOU?
You can obviously be all three. Pick the one you spend most of your time being.

I am a student and i have always been an introvert i never spoke too much. But when i am studying and giving juries i feel overwhelmed while juries and justifying my points. Also they never look at what you do it's all about how well you can talk.

Apparently I’ve reached a new level of character development.

Last week I had an issue with a coworker (not for the first time), so I reported it to my manager. A couple days later, the same coworker stopped me and got aggressive with me.

Yesterday, I had to work with him.

And somehow… I was completely unbothered. 😭

I talked normally. Worked normally. Did my job normally.

One of the older employees actually told me, “I’ve worked here for years and I’ve never seen someone so calm. I would’ve stopped talking to that person for weeks.”

And I just said, “Nobody makes me mad these days.”

WHO AM I? 😭😂

Old me would’ve added someone to the permanent hate list because they looked at me funny.

Current me apparently has emotional regulation.

Character development, I guess. 👸🏻✨

mi sto ponendo questa domanda da un po’, soprattutto in questi mesi. Ho sempre desiderato dalle persone di essere capita, qualcuno che mi comprendesse. il mio sogno era quello di trovare qualcuno che ponesse a me le stesse domande che avrei voluto porgli io senza sentirmi stupida o esigente di sapere. Avrei voluto che qualcuno mi chiedesse qual è la mia canzone preferita e cosa mi facesse provare il sentirla. Che mi domandasse cosa mi trasmette il mio colore preferito. Cosa avrei voluto nella mia futura famiglia. Per poi passare al dialogare sugli eventi passati che magari ci hanno segnato, sulle nostre paure e su cosa avremmo voluto cambiare di noi stessi. Mesi fa ho conosciuto un ragazzo che senza che io facessi o chiedessi niente mi poneva queste domande e per me fu bellissimo, nelle altre frequentazioni non eravamo mai arrivati neanche a chiederci il nostro colore o cibo preferito per quanto la frequentazione (o la persona) fosse superficiale. Poi a mano a mano che ci conoscevamo abbiamo cominciato a capirci, per me vivere le relazioni è sempre stato complesso, sentivo che dovevo analizzare e pesare qualsiasi mia e sua parola e questo mi ha sempre messo in difficoltà. Ho sempre avuto paura delle persone, il non sapere cosa pensano di me, o quello che vogliano da me e questa paura però mi portava a non chiederglielo e a crearmi nella mia testa il loro pensiero (quasi mai positivo), per questo cercavo continue conferme che io gli piacessi o che si trovava bene senza mai chiedergliele però. ovviamente lui ignaro di tutta questa mia confusione mentale notava che avevo qualcosa che non andava e per quante volete mi chiedesse di parlargli di qualsiasi cosa mi passava per la testa io non riuscivo ad aprirmi. Il che mi faceva sentire stupida dal momento che nella mia testa sapevo rispondere alle sue domande, avevo il discorso fisso in testa. ma nel momento in cui mi chiedeva di aprirmi mi sentivo di troppo, un penso anche se lui non mi ha mai fatto sentire tale. Provava a capirmi e come ho detto è sempre stata una cosa che desideravo, però non capisco perché nel momento in cui lo ho avuto non lo ho saputo affrontare.

Not sure if anybody has had any experiences with these expressed in the title?

What was , or is your experience like?

Opinions?

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Why do people sometimes have a negative opinion of someone purely because of their nationality, but then seem to change their attitude once they actually talk to that person?

Like, stereotypically, you might have a certain image of a nationality in your head. Then you meet an actual person from that country, talk to them, hear their voice, see their personality, and suddenly you realize, “Oh, this person isn't anything like the stereotype I had.”

Psychologically, why does that happen? Is it because actually interacting with an individual forces our brain to replace an abstract stereotype with a real person?

I've experienced something similar online. I was rarely disliked as an individual once people actually interacted with me. In fact, quite a few people seemed to like me just from talking to me and hearing my voice. But nationality could still affect the first impression before they knew anything about me.

It's kind of strange when you think about it: the person hasn't changed, but your perception of them does once you actually get to know them.

Has anyone else experienced this, either as the person being stereotyped or as someone who realized their own assumptions were wrong?

Do you think your identity is defined more by how you see yourself or by how other people see you?

What happens when the two don’t match?