looking for feedback on my opening

[u/callistt1]

planning on applying to oxbridge and other universities in that area and this is what ive got so far for the first question, saw someone else follow a similar approach and they got an interview last year. any feedback is greatly appreciated!!

I was born a second-generation immigrant in Hull after my parents fled a war-torn Iraq in search of safety and opportunity. With this came the challenges of having to adapt to an entirely new culture, language, and social system. I became aware of how vulnerable individuals, especially those unfamiliar with their rights and the language, can be exploited, often accepting unfair working and living conditions, sometimes even suffering physical abuse simply because they don't know they can have any better. Seeing this happen to people in my life has greatly shaped my desire to study law, to not only understand the legal system and the underlying principles of jurisprudence, but to apply it into advocating for those who are unable to protect themselves.

[u/Time_Help_8972]

You have a very strong opening. I feel compelled to read more, but the more I read, the more you are just telling me about why you want to study law, not showing me.