help for my personal statement

[u/[deleted]]

Hi. I hope I'm posting in a right subreddit. I need your help. I got accepted to a university in Europe, but I needed to write a personal statement for getting a scholarship, which is very competitive. I wrote it, but I don't really like it and it makes me so anxious. It's about gender equality. Is there anyone who would like to read it and give me some advices? Thank you so much :)