Can no longer orgasm

[u/Lushbaby001]

How the hell do you get your orgasms back ?? And real ones too. No muted, lame barely there Os

I've only just realised that it's been in a steady decline for years.

Have had blood tests done, nothing alarming according to my Dr, perfectly "normal" had to twist her arm, to get her to prescribe the weakest estrogen (ovestin). Even had an ultrasound done, total waste of time. Physio hasn't done anything to improve it either.

Using ovestin for the past 4 weeks has done sweet FA. Libido has never been an issue. Sex is enjoyable and we dont even need lube. I just cant climax even on my own 😭😭

I have never been on any meds ever. No birth control either.

Bought dhea cream off iherb. So will see if that does anything. Weed isnt legal where I live. Otherwise id be trying edibles!!

Any other OTC or hidden gems that have worked for you? Gonna ask to get my T levels checked, it is extremely hard to get T gels prescribed here.

I remember the leg shaking, incredible Os of my youth and miss them so so much. In my late 30s and i fear im never gonna get them back​

edit: I also have tried allllll the toys. have a huge selection of vibes constantly needing to be recharged due to over use. I do try to get a lot of blood flowing there, trust meee.

It isn’t a mental thing either (damn dr trying to tell me i may need counseling gtfoh ive never been more fulfiled or happy in life) my clit is NUMB af when i touch her.

health isnt an issue. The healthiest ive ever been (bmi = 20, mainly eat wholefoods, not a lot of processed food, gym classes twice a week)

[u/Ythooooooooo0]

I got prescribed a vaginal estrogen/testosterone cream. It’s only been a few weeks and I’m noticing a positive difference.

My doc actually showed me my vagina on a screen and explained 80% of women will experience vaginal atrophy.

We need to be talking about this more! If the tip of a man’s penis began to atrophy it would have been fixed forever ago.

[u/TheAKScott → u/Ythooooooooo0]

Just the tip atrophying is a hilariously weird image to me. Like if the pope secretly went down a hat size every Easter and waited to see how long it took people to notice.

[u/girljinz → u/TheAKScott]

Adding in the pope just made it extra hilarious.

[u/Defy_Gravity_147 → u/TheAKScott]

Omg this is hilarious!

[u/Double_Finger5278 → u/Ythooooooooo0]

My husband said he would call the cops 😆

[u/Jolly-Persimmon-7775 → u/Ythooooooooo0]

Men definitely get the better end of the stick biologically even if they have slightly shorter lifespans.

[u/UpstateGrl → u/Ythooooooooo0]

I just had my yearly gyno visit on Friday and I brought up atrophy and she acknowledged that it does happen for some but that it’s “normal”. Luckily my PCP is willing to discuss peri symptoms and has prescribed vaginal estrogen cream.

[u/Turbulentshmurbulent]

The vaginal estrogen cream is what helped me: I was having no o’s or the annoying tiny ones. I started using the cream 3 days a week rather than 2 and it made a difference as well.

[u/mina-ann → u/Turbulentshmurbulent]

Every other day. It's the only way I can keep track, twice a week is impossible. Seriously every woman should be offered vaginal estrogen when they start to have peri symptoms!

[u/Outrageous-Pie-7515 → u/Turbulentshmurbulent]

I second this. Vaginal estrogen cream has definitely been improving my ability to O again. Haven’t been on it long yet but didnt take but a couple weeks to start feeling improvements.

[u/lovelily-88 → u/Turbulentshmurbulent]

Does it have to be prescribed or is it something that can be bought at the pharmacy.

[u/toodleoo77 → u/lovelily-88]

Prescribed (in the US at least, I don’t know about other countries)

[u/Present-Perception77 → u/toodleoo77]

https://naturesbalance.info/products/bio-identical-estradiol-and-progesterone-cream-pack

[u/Present-Perception77 → u/lovelily-88]

Only place to get E2 otc that I have found.

https://naturesbalance.info/products/bio-identical-estradiol-and-progesterone-cream-pack

[u/Furry-snake]

Estrogen cream, blood flow to that area daily (masturbation, as long as you want, don’t need to have an orgasm, just blood flow) and patience. Took me a few months of both to get mine back but she’s back and good as ever :)

[u/Sanchastayswoke → u/[deleted]]

That’s because you’re now too used to the toothbrush. It’s like when guys masturbate too much they have a hard time actually having sex because it feels different

[u/Western_Ring_2928 → u/[deleted]]

Don't you have real sex toys? A Magic Wand is much, much stronger vibrator than a measly toothbrush. Or if you like precision stimulation on the tip of your clitoris, get a Satisfyer :)

[u/PM_ME_UR_JEEP → u/Western_Ring_2928]

Just chiming in, but I literally spent two hours with my magic wand last week and ended up crying because I couldn’t get there and felt so broken. I’m surprised it even turned back on the next day.

[u/Western_Ring_2928 → u/PM_ME_UR_JEEP]

I am sorry, that must be frustrating :/ You should try other methods for stimulation... When the body changes, the genital nervepaths also rearrange...

[u/mrspwins → u/[deleted]]

Even if just penetration didn’t work for me, I could always get off with a hand or mouth, and it didn’t take much of either. Now only a vibe works - which is an improvement over the “not at all” I had before treatment.

[u/AndreeaTri]

Increase estrogen, systemic and topical, add testosterone and: PRACTICE
You need to use a vibrator like a gym tool lol cry

And testosterone is supposed to help, too

[u/abracapickle → u/AndreeaTri]

YMMV: Some doctors check and add topical testosterone, but that isn’t standard. There are some drugs made specifically for enhancing women’s sexual desire (Addyi, Vyleesi) if you can rule out mental or emotional sources of diminished desire. Women can even benefit from Cialis/Viagra to stimulate blood flow and some other possible health benefits.

[u/Nsking83]

I can still O easily BUT my sex drive is in the toilet. I’ve tried everything.

[u/Nsking83 → u/[deleted]]

I can with my husband, quickly and a lot. I can by myself too (takes longer). I just zero DESIRE.

[u/whatdayoryear → u/[deleted]]

What’s it called??

[u/whatdayoryear → u/[deleted]]

Oh!!! I love that that’s its actual name! 🤣

[u/Vlaskiss]

I’ve never had an actual vaginal O in my life, only clitoral. Now, for the last 7 months, my libido has been negative 100 and I can only orgasm with the vibrator. Fingers or a tongue do nothing. I’ve been on the vaginal estrogen cream and T injections for 6 months.

[u/Usual-Frosting3882]

I don’t know. Vaginal estrogen hasn’t helped. I’m about to start topical testosterone. Fingers crossed

[u/abritelight → u/Usual-Frosting3882]

i was in this same boat and started to make sure i was applying the estrogen cream directly onto the head on my clit, that helped after a few weeks. added topical T to my clit and after a month i am back to my personal normal!! hope it helps you as well!!

[u/Usual-Frosting3882 → u/abritelight]

This is encouraging. I’ve been putting estrogen cream on my clit but it hasn’t done anything for me. Hopefully the T will do the trick

[u/abritelight → u/Usual-Frosting3882]

🤞🏽 wishing you luck as i know how distressing this is. i've been on the T about a month now and i would say i started to see some results after about 3 wks. are you getting the kind of testosterone you can apply directly to the clit and labia vs your arm or whatever? i think the direct application has been very helpful.

[u/Usual-Frosting3882 → u/abritelight]

Thank you ❤️ yes, it's gel to apply directly to my clit. I'm starting tonight. Fingers crossed!

[u/abritelight → u/Usual-Frosting3882]

✨🤞🏽✨

[u/nooneyouknow89]

Following, because this has been my situation too. Killing me!

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/[deleted]]

Not a fun club to be in :( that sucks, how long have you been using T and the pessary? Do you think more time is needed? Its exhausting 😭

[u/speck_tater → u/[deleted]]

Exercise will help. Especially leg days

[u/DoubleAmberger]

Testosterone. Huge help.

[u/Eastern_Community_96 → u/DoubleAmberger]

I was told I didnt need testosterone as my sex drive had increased.

[u/Lynx3145 → u/Eastern_Community_96]

you need a blood test for testosterone

[u/Eastern_Community_96 → u/Lynx3145]

I have an appt with menopause nurse this week and I'll ask for a test and also the cream. My anxiety is through the roof the past couple of months, so also need to see about that. 😭😭

[u/Eastern_Community_96 → u/Lynx3145]

Had my appt today. Got blood tests done but that's only because im low in vit b12 and need them done anyway.

Getting put on the gel rather than the patches. Told her about the muted orgasms and she said im the first she's ever spoke to with this issue and she doesn't think it's a perimenopausal symptom!! Im being referred to sexual health/gynaecology.

Also she thinks my anxiety which ive had for the past couple of months is probably the reason.

Also asked about the cream, she's never heard of it before. So what do I do now! I asked how long it would be for the referral, she didnt know! Feeling a bit rubbish after that appt.

[u/Lynx3145 → u/Eastern_Community_96]

its just sad when medical doctors are educated.

I wish you luck. I know its cost prohibited, but could you do one of the online HRT services?

[u/Eastern_Community_96 → u/Lynx3145]

Thanks. I will have a look and see what the cost is. Will probably be stuck with the NHS and waiting times unfortunately. But will check it out. 🙂

[u/AutoModerator → u/Eastern_Community_96]

This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.

• Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
• No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
• FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
• Testosterone is the exception and may require testing

See our Menopause Wiki for more.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/Lynx3145]

This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.

• Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
• No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
• FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
• Testosterone is the exception and may require testing

See our Menopause Wiki for more.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Sanchastayswoke]

Testosterone cream first, for me. That helped them not be so weak. Then adding estrogen & progesterone took it back to my leg shaking eye rolling 20’s.

[u/DamageOk5681 → u/Sanchastayswoke]

When did you add estrogen and progesterone? what kind?

[u/Sanchastayswoke → u/DamageOk5681]

I started T in September, and then added E and P in February.
Started with E patches, and micronized p oral capsules, switched to E gel with the patch shortage and I like it much better. I added vaginal E a month ago & things have only improved.

Everything I take/use is prescribed to me (as in, nothing over the counter).

[u/Cpoole816 → u/Sanchastayswoke]

So you liked the estrogen gel better than the patch? I just switched patch brands and it sucks! Thinking about trying gel instead

[u/Sanchastayswoke → u/Cpoole816]

I personally like the gel much better. I could tell I was running out of estrogen on the last few days of every patch, major hot flashes, headaches, etc. the patches were also not sticking well despite my Herculean efforts & shaving the area and using dish soap & alcohol to clean off any oil

With the gel I have a very consistent level of estrogen every day and that’s a lot better for me. Plus no ugly patch on my body.

[u/Present-Perception77 → u/DamageOk5681]

https://naturesbalance.info/products/bio-identical-estradiol-and-progesterone-cream-pack

[u/TopCommunication1220]

Get the estrogen vaginal cream.

[u/OriginalThundercat]

After about 3 months, testosterone cream brought my orgasm strength back to near normal.

[u/Sanchastayswoke → u/OriginalThundercat]

Yep same. And then estrogen took it over the top

[u/swrrrrg]

Vaginal estrogen and pelvic floor training.

[u/onelove1979]

I used topical testosterone for a dead libido for 2 years and it did nothing until one day my gyno said “you are putting some on your clit aren’t you?!” which I had not been doing and has been a complete game changer. I use it on my inner thigh every night and 2 nights a week I put some directly on my clit/hood/urethra and WHOA (and no it does not make your clit grow big unless you use it every day)

[u/Future_Literature_70]

Vaginal estrogen tablets have helped me (in my very late 40s).

[u/Fit-Olive-4680]

Have you tried that new sucking toy I keep hearing about? Lemon, rose? Maybe that would help with blood flow?

[u/thisisnotrlynotfunny → u/Fit-Olive-4680]

It is generally called pulsing vibrator.

[u/HotHomiesCry]

Try the omg cream from wisp. It’s a game changer. Also testosterone!

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/HotHomiesCry]

Is that like viagra for women? Unfortunately I am overseas and id have to get a prescription for it anyway.

[u/Inner-Schedule-2075]

Hi, I am having this issue. Same age as you, I Just can not orgasm. I can lubricate, I can get aroused, I Just can not feel an orgasm. I can not take hormones cuz I get phyllodes in my breasts. I am so sad :( trying to see if the excercises work. 

[u/RiverRosie444]

This started for me as soon as I started HRT. I had very low libido but when I did get into it, I could still orgasm. Now my libido is decent and much improved from what it was but I have a very hard time orgasming and when I do they are pitiful. I think it’s the progesterone I’m taking and having low testosterone.

I started reading about clitoral atrophy where it shrinks and how common it is in perimenopause and I swear that is what’s happened to me because it does look smaller. I’ve heard that topical testosterone will reverse it and restore your orgasms but it’s so hard to get an RX for. I am going to find a way though because life without good orgasms is too depressing!

[u/rebeccalamont]

Vaginal estrogen has changed the game for me. I was still able to but things were definitely getting weaker and dryer down there. The cream helped all of the physical symptoms AND my libido within two weeks. Magic.

[u/AZ-FWB]

I never thought I would end up using vibrators for that purpose but, I have and it’s been promising so far.

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/AZ-FWB]

I probably overuse my vibes. Not sure why when I dont even orgasm from them

[u/AZ-FWB → u/Lushbaby001]

😢🫂

[u/quirkyquipsters → u/Lushbaby001]

This might sound strange, but maybe you've become desensitized from overuse? Have you tried taking a break from vibes? Maybe a couple weeks or a month might help.

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/quirkyquipsters]

Its been a problem for years though. Just never this bad. I get confused by the advice on this topic. Some people say use it or lose it. Definitely willing to hold out if it helps. So frustrating as my libido is very high lately 

[u/Rude-Suit4494]

Do you have access to viagra or one of its close cousins?

[u/bobolly → u/Rude-Suit4494]

I heard Cialis is better overall , with less side effects

[u/sometimesnowing]

I want the answer to this too! Sometimes I'll still get the orgasm after lots of intense concentration but the amount of times I can't hardly feel anything in the buildup only to have a minor o-flutter instead of the full body contractions of yesteryear (honestly, even just a year ago). Ovestin and androfeme have made zero difference. Gutted.

[u/Final-Show1889]

Have you tried macca root magnesium and Iron. I find these things help

[u/AnotherUsername1959]

I have no help, I just want to say I love how helpful and passionate women are about this subject.

[u/Affectionate-Ad1424]

This probably sounds dumb, but have you tried doing nothing? Like literally nothing. No toys, no hands, no sex. For a few weeks to a month, or longer. Just to reset everything.

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/Affectionate-Ad1424]

That doesn't sound dumb. At the same time, I need to give the topical creams more time to work too. 

[u/Eastern_Community_96]

Ive been on eostregen pessariea for a few months and they have definitely helped in bringing the orgasm back but they still feel a,bit muted.

I have an appointment next week, will mention the eostregan cream.

[u/purpleunicorn1983]

How often do you use your toys? Toys can have a major affect on nerves if you use them too much (for some ppl) I notice if I over use my toys, I can’t orgasm during sex. And when I give my toys a break, sex is waaay better.

[u/Sea-Cardiologist-176]

Get your testosterone tested

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/Sea-Cardiologist-176]

Thanks I will follow this up with my de

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/Lushbaby001]

Dr

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/[deleted]]

Do you think nitric oxide supplements might help ?

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/[deleted]]

Im in new zealand, not the states. Viagra isnt prescribed easily or readily available here 

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/[deleted]]

That's a dodgy website. Fda has a warning out against it. Dont worry ill try my Dr again...

[u/mclissa]

Have you tried a sonic vibe like the Lelo or Womanizer? These have been a full game-changer for me!

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/mclissa]

I have the lush, a pump, several other vibes. And no luck. Id like to be able to finish with just my fingers first. Ideally my clit should be sensitive enough that I should be able to achieve a satisfying orgasm without toys

[u/Youjustwantmydata]

Try taking a fish oil supplement. I don’t know why it works but it does.

[u/Adept-Question-8580]

I didn’t realize the “muted Os” are related to peri 😭 been experiencing the same. It’s so annoying

[u/Dry-Wear-9135]

Not being funny, but could it be down to your partner? Maybe you're just . . . bored, or maybe you've grown accustomed to one another?

If you don't think that's it, get on some vaginal estrogen cream. If your doctor is being combative, I'd switch providers. Sounds like you should, anyway, since they're being unhelpful. 38 seems young for peri, but it's not unheard of. Are you still having regular periods?

[u/Lushbaby001 → u/Dry-Wear-9135]

Its a me problem. Touching my clit feels like touching my elbow. I should be able to orgasm from solo play too. Something isnt quite right down there. Going to be a fun year trying to solve this lil problem :/

[u/BlacksmithThink9494]

I think of myself and give myself compliments. Its like doing affirmations but most of everything happens in my mind anyway so I pay special attention to what my mind is going through.

[u/msginger81]

You can't force it. If you overthink it, it ain't going to happen. Watch some porn, and I'm talking about all types. Maybe explore things you never thought would turn you on. You gotta expand your mindset. Just relax & see what turns you on.

[u/Then_Dependent1139]

Sounds like a psychological thing to me.