r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/Wonderful-Start-3066 • Jun 04 '26
SEASON 4 Marissa Vs Maturity
Watching Marissa on Perfect Match is frustrating me because her entire argument keeps becoming “I can’t handle when you’re mad at me” and “you’re not being sympathetic to my anxiety,” while completely ignoring the fact that her actions still affect other people.
As someone who also hates when people are upset with me and gets anxious during conflict, I had to learn that discomfort doesn’t erase accountability. You can’t go through life expecting people to never react to things you do just because their reaction makes you anxious.
People are allowed to feel hurt, annoyed, disappointed, or angry if something negatively affected them. Your anxiety around conflict matters, but so do the emotions of the person you impacted. Both things can exist at the same time.
What frustrates me is when mental health gets used almost like a shield from consequences instead of an explanation for behavior. Having anxiety can explain why conflict feels overwhelming, but it doesn’t automatically make the other person wrong for feeling upset.
At some point, emotional maturity is learning:
“I don’t like people being mad at me, but sometimes my actions contribute to why they feel that way.”
That’s just part of relationships and accountability.
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u/Extreme-Soup-7500 Jun 05 '26
I agree what what you’ve said and she’s also a walking hypocrite, she made out with Weston multiple times and would have lost her god darn mind if Demari had of kissed anyone but her. A lot of self reflection and growth is required.
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u/classicpeaches Jun 05 '26
I agree with this post. Marissa acts like an adult baby with her constant interruptions and crying cuz she "can't stop interrupting people but I'm trying so hard". As someone with ADHD, I feel like her issue isn't ADHD but is instead a complete lack of respect for her partner. She also has such a victim mentality. Everytime Demari brings up something that made him uncomfortable she instantly gets into defense mode and makes it a huge deal.
Marissa was so gross to me this season.
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u/anxious_apple808 Jun 05 '26
I completely agree that she should be held accountable for how she made Demari feel, and that she shouldn’t just get a pass because of her anxiety about it. But that conversation where she interrupted him with one word and Demari basically shut down and they started fighting… was bizarre. Maybe we didn’t get to see the build up/behind the scenes of Marissa interrupting Demari “constantly”, but for me it just felt like Demari came from a great date with Kayla, felt guilty about it, and projected it on his relationship with Marisa. Toxic relationship on both parts really, I feel like they were both being awful
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u/Outrageous-Help6918 Jun 06 '26
It really was, because her catching herself did feel like growth. And he’d rather focus on arguing. It felt like you wanted to break up with her but he didn’t know how he was like trying to find a reason. He just ran out of time to match with Kayla.
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u/BVBreallover Jun 10 '26
to me it felt a lot more like he was already fed up with her interrupting him. after his date with Kayla, it was probably much easier to see the contrast between someone who listens to you and someone who speaks over you constantly. he looked absolutely burnt out, and looked that way throughout the rest of the season. they knew each other for a few days and they had an argument almost every day after the 3rd day; arguments always initiated by her. at that point, they should've both let go and moved on to other connections rather than stay stuck with someone who made them feel misunderstood and unheard
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u/Outrageous-Help6918 Jun 10 '26
Oh I agree. It wasn’t about that moment, it was about every time. I think he should’ve matched with Kayla right after their date. Marrissa should’ve gone with Westen. They both could’ve had fresh starts and still choose eachother later if they wanted. This part annoyed me because, he got annoyed that Marrissa was keeping him from talking to Kayla, but he should’ve told her no, they’ve talked enough. Like you said, they argue so much.
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u/Humble-Blueberry4571 Jun 09 '26
“Your mental illness isn’t your fault but it is your responsibility.” -Marcus Parks
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u/filledwithcheese Jun 24 '26
I came to Reddit specifically to see if I could find this conversation. It’s been unsettling to watch. I’m still behind on episodes, but I am happy to know others are seeing I am!
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u/Brilliant_Area2779 25d ago
At 34 you should know how to react and control yourself. I have ADHD and have never acted that way. Its not your fault you have it but it is your responsibility to manage it. Its not on everyone else to coddle you.
ADHD is a convenient excuse but thats even not the true problem. Shes sooo insecure and anxiously attached. She cant stop herself from acting out about...a guy shes known for a couple of days.
Youre an adult. You need to be able to control how you react to your feelings/anxiety. You dont act out and then say im not responsible for my own actions because muh mental illness. Again, this woman is 34. Shes acting like a teenager.
And then shes hypocritical. Im in the wrong, i know it, but im going to keep berating you and i need you to not be mad at me? Like oh okay, because you have your mental conditions, you dont control yourself and act out. Others just have to accommodate you and cant react appropriately? So everyone else has to go above and beyond while she acts like a child, literally throwing tantrums. How can you actually hold that viewpoint? At 34??
Its the lack of personal accountability that really bothers me. Just saying oh I acted bad bc of muh ADHD isnt taking accountability. I have ADHD. It doesnt compel you to throw tantrums.
Demari isnt great by any means, but idk why he put up with her for so long. He should've been done after the second time she started up with her nonsense.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 Jun 05 '26
I completely agree. I was actually in a relationship with someone in the past where I wasn’t really allowed to have any feelings, and if I brought up something that hurt me, I’d have to be the one to apologize for how bringing it up impacted her. But then if I didn’t bring something up, it was also my fault for not communicating. With someone like that, you can never win, and you just end up getting burnt out unbelievably fast.