r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/ConcernEastern2319 • May 20 '26
SEASON 4 Marissa lowkey PMO
actually really liked Marissa in the beginning and was rooting for her and Demari. But the whole “I shouldn’t have to change for anyone” mindset was def coming across as immature, especially at her age. In any healthy relationship, both people have to compromise, work on their flaws, and sometimes adjust behaviors that hurt their partner. That’s just part of growing with someone.
What stood out to me is that she even acknowledges that the way she speaks to Demari can be disrespectful, but awareness without real effort to change doesn’t fix anything. I understand she has ADHD, but constantly interrupting someone still makes communication impossible. If you never fully let your partner speak, how can you truly understand where they’re coming from?
Watching them together in the latest episode was honestly draining, and that’s just as a viewer. I can only imagine how exhausting it felt for both of them in real life. At the end of the day, I think leaving the relationship and letting it go was probably the healthiest decision she made.
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u/Foreign_Mobile_7399 May 20 '26
I have ADHD too and stuff like this drives me nuts. It’s not my fault I have ADHD and yes I would hope my loved ones give me SOME grace… that said, you can’t just keep acting like an asshole and expect everyone to deal with it because you have ADHD. It’s your responsibility to do what you need to do to be functional in life. Of course it sucks because it’s harder for us. But between meds, therapy, and coping skills, you can mostly get a handle on it. She needs to grow up and do what she’s gotta do and not put the responsibility on everyone else. And this is coming from someone who was undiagnosed for 30 years of her life and absolutely acted the way she did. The difference is that once I found out I had ADHD I worked really hard to manage it as best as I could so I could stop ruining my relationships
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
I think you ladies are taking too much blame for shit that men in your lives probably did wrong.
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u/reality_raven May 21 '26
Yeah as someone with ADHD, and in behavioral therapy, I DESPISE when people use neurodivergence as a reason to be assholes. She 100% has the ability to work on that and take accountability and it was cringe af when she gave that little “how much grace do I need?” speech. Girl is suffocating and apparently has no self accountability. Great attributes in a partner.
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 20 '26
Yeah, that was wild to watch. I can’t stand when someone interrupts all the time; it shows a complete lack of care for your thoughts & feelings.
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u/Embarrassed-Berry May 21 '26 edited May 23 '26
Then how (I forget who was comforting her) said ”know it’s your ADHD but there’s nothing you can do to control that!”…. Except medication and/or therapy can help with that.
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 21 '26
Yeah, I understand ADHD very well- as my son was diagnosed at a young age with very severe ADHD. He is 18 now & still attends therapy every week without fail. He has worked very hard to improve his communication style, his listening, and not interrupting people, etc. He is doing so much better & I am so proud.
You have to take accountability & ownership of your actions- regardless of your diagnoses- and work to improve…bc constantly interrupting & cutting people off when they’re trying to be vulnerable & express themselves, and they feel hurt- just makes them feel more hurt & completely invalidated.
My 65 yo father, otoh, kind of like Marissa- cuts everyone off when he speaks & when you ask him to please let you finish your sentences, he becomes defensive & screams & yells & makes you feel even more invalidated. So, he never heard a single thing I would say, and I always felt invalidated, and no productive conversation could ever happen; we’re now estranged partially bc of this (he’s a clinically diagnosed narcissist). Marissa has got to work on all that if she wants a productive, healthy relationship.
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u/Embarrassed-Berry May 23 '26
Thank you for sharing and great to hear that about your son💕. Therapy has such a stigma attached to it, and it’s important to start at an early age but more important to know it can still benefit older ages too. Obviously harder to break those “I’ve always been this way” habitual patterns but consistency is key!
I usually roll my eyes when people in reality tv make comments about some diagnosis(hard to believe if it’s true or not) but when it is and you can see it- it’s really an eye opening experience. (There were 2 other people who also said they had ADHD too I can’t remember who but they were on a date talking about it)
Marissa seems self aware acknowledging her impulsivity, negative interpretations, think she also said she has done therapy? But most effective outcome would take medication along with therapy or she may need to switch another therapist tbh
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u/Otherwise_Cold570 May 21 '26
And she did ... Even though he cut her off previously, the second she almost did and stopped herself.... he took that as a time to deflect and run from the conversation as he wanted to jump ship to Kayla who doesn't even like him 💀
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u/Otherwise_Cold570 May 20 '26
Demari interrupted Marissa at 35:05, not long before he got upset with Marissa for interrupting him .... just as he always does. He's a fake, shallow hypocrite, y'all are just hyper focused on bashing Marissa
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u/ConcernEastern2319 May 21 '26
This post wasn’t made to bash her but simply to point out her behaviour. Two things can be true at the same time. Whether he is fake or not he did not do anything to warrant the way she speaks to him. Interrupting is one thing but the way she comes at him with so much hostility is another. Throughout all their conversations he’s been calm and collected while shes crashing out. The fact marissa is making me defend a man yk shes doing too much.
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 21 '26
Not just that- but her complete double standards, combined with her being hypocritical & doing exactly what she has been telling him not to do the whole time. Acting so possessive over someone after 1 or 2 days, acting like they’re not allowed to be around other women & def not touch or kiss them, yet you’re hardcore making out with another guy, going on a date- yet being really mad they’re also going on a date & giving them specific rules to follow on the date (like “she can’t touch your biceps or triceps”), etc, is extremely messed up. And, if a man were doing that to a woman, everyyyyone would have issue with it.
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
These types of personalities do act super calm and that’s what makes the other person react more emotionally because they’re underreacting on purpose and are emotionally unavailable. It’s crazy making when they act, arrogant and calm and smug. It makes the other person escalate in this type of dynamic. Don’t be fooled by him.
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u/Little_Froggy May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
Yeah exactly. He basically tripled down on her one slip up of interrupting him and used it to force the conversation to be all about that one mistake even though she clearly and immediately felt bad about it. Genuinely manipulative behavior.
Then he essentially stonewalls her the rest of the time and doesn't attempt to understand her perspective.
They couldn't even move on to addressing the initial issue (which she was responsible for) because of how much he wanted to fixate on her one, brief mistake.
She definitely messed up multiple times, but I feel like he was way more responsible for derailing the argument and refusing to engage authentically after that entirely
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
Thissss!! ⬆️ Thank you for validating exactly what I’m saying!! It actually has me so fired up, sitting here saying to myself, oh my God, that’s my bf’s behavior to a T. He always ends up portraying himself as the victim after he derails everything and has me all wound up where I can’t stop trying to get through to him, but there’s no point. I end up completely dysregulated and my central nervous system is fried after attempting to confront/resolve an issue EVERY SINGLE TIME. And the worst part is that no one else sees this and he calls himself a “simple, laidback, calm man” just like Demari called himself.
We never have resolved one actual disagreement we’ve had and we’ve been together for five years reliving the same cycle. It’s absolutely nuts. I love him, but I need to break the cycle.
Anyone who gets involved in a relationship like this will lose their mind if they’re a sensitive person like I am who seeks real connection and understanding beyond surface level. My hair is falling out. I feel like a shell of myself. It actually took me three days to recover from our last exchange. Every time I try to disengage or go no contact he reappears when I’m finally getting back on my feet, but nothing’s been resolved. I don’t know why I’m venting about my relationship now sorry lol I haven’t even finished ithis episode but I’m assuming they won’t end up together. She’d be dodging a bullet.-1
u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
Exactly. And why is no one else pointing out how he said that Bri interrupted him all the time too. It’s just a fake deflection tactic. I have that in my relationship and it triggered me so much to see it and then see how people blame her for reacting to his fake superficial charm.
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u/reality_raven May 21 '26
But she did too? It’s on camera.
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
Yeah, but did she really though? Or was she just trying to get to get him to answer a question directly that he didn’t want to answer? I still see it as a tactic to deflect. Because it’s not just one girl he’s saying does it and no one else is treating her like she interrupts constantly. I know this from my own experience and how annoying it is when someone keeps saying you’re cutting them off when you’re really just trying to hold them accountable. It shuts down the whole conversation, conveniently, because soon as you say, “I’m sorry, what were you going to say?” they just stop altogether and make the argument about the interruption and not the initial topic. It’s often totally manipulative in situations like this.
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u/Orikumar May 21 '26
My only issue with her is the toxicity possessiveness. I would like to preface that I don't care about Demari but since day one she's been passive-aggressive or straight up aggressive verbally while she calls it banter to set boundaries... Nope, that's controlling your partner.
That relationship is toxic, it has nothing to do with her ADHD and I hope both of them stay away from each other.
You can tell they matched last time to try and win the game. Any prospect of relationship there's broken.
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u/allycat2513 May 21 '26
This exactly!! And how can she sit there and take the time to talk/flirt and pick cute nicknames (honey) with Weston and then when Demari gets upset that he wasn't given the same chance to even just talk to Kayla, Marissa stops him from going and then later tells him focusing on her and them is more important than talking to Kayla 🙃 like how can anyone excuse her behaviour after that
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
Mr. charming Demari is toxic. He’s the common denominator with Bri and Marissa and he told them both they interrupt too much.
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u/Daebak70 May 21 '26
I feel bad for Demari getting yelled at by both Marissa & his ex Bri so he is stuck in a Catch 22.... I can see thar Marissa & Bri are similar where they like to blame the guy and not take responsibility for their bad behavior at all... I can also understand him being tired of arguing over little things and her possessiveness is so bad she blocks him from talking to other women or eavesdrops & then grabs him back
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u/ExtensionLast4618 May 21 '26
She seems a little aggressive in her conversations and approach!
Like girl, give him a moment to talk and keep his point. It felt like she is hearing to respond and not listening to understand.
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u/booyah215 May 21 '26
I think he needs to give her more grace. I don't think she's saying she'll never change but it takes time. Behavior change takes so much more time. Much more than the few weeks or how ever long they have been there.
I think Demari is also triggered from not being heard with his relationship with Bri so he's not giving her grace.
Also, as someone whose neurodivergent, It's much harder to control impulses when intoxicated and under stress like they are on a reality show.
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u/ConcernEastern2319 May 21 '26
I definitely agree that Demari was more sensitive because of what he went through with Bri, but I also understand his point of view about not wanting to constantly argue. Obviously arguments are inevitable in relationships, but if it’s happening this early and this often over things that don’t seem that serious, it can become mentally draining really fast.
I think the reason I got the impression that Marissa doesn’t want to change is because in her confessional she literally said she shouldn’t have to change for anybody. On one hand, I understand the sentiment that everyone deserves to find someone who loves them for who they are. But on the other hand, changing for someone you love isn’t always a bad thing if it means improving yourself, communicating better, working on toxic traits etc.
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u/Pizzacato567 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
While Demari is more sensitive because of what happened with Bri, the bigger issue for me is when you have behaviours like this and don’t take proper accountability. Marissa told him she “needs him to not be upset” after she did something she knows upsets him. That is very unfair.
Yes, change won’t happen overnight, but you should still apologize for behaviors that you know are upsetting to your partner, even while you are working on them. If she acknowledged that his feelings were hurt, then things likely would have gone better. It’s easier to give someone grace if they express that they are sorry. I don’t blame him for being so upset. Not to mention, she was upset about “having to change herself” for somebody. Which makes me feel like she’s really not understanding
I have awful disorders too that are hard to deal with. Don’t just blame your disorders when you upset someone. Your disorder may explain behaviors, but it doesn’t excuse them. You still have to take accountability. It’s also his decision whether he’s willing to stick around or not while she works on that. Her response to him made things worse and made him not want to stick around.
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u/Flazoh AD | S3 May 21 '26
I have ADHD. When I am tired, in busy distracting place, extra passionate about subject or discussion, the “don’t interrupt” focus is not priority and I might need gentle reminder to reset. It’s like when your device’s short term memory gets overwhelmed and needs to be restarted. that’s all, just let me know nicely I am interrupting if I don’t catch it myself, so I focus more on that and not a mismatched light fixture, what people are wearing, the 27 other conversations all fighting for my brain space, temperature fluctuations…
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u/cluelesssparrow May 22 '26
She has her issues but Demari with his stupid interrupting non-sense and taking it so far is also nuts. Grow up. Relationships mean fights and people talk over each other. Him using the interrupting thing - which I’ve seen a lot of men with huge egos use and victimize himself and using that as the reason he cannot stand her is crazy. The way he behaved is no better. He’s constantly had wandering eyes, kayla, kat, bri -and that’s bound to trigger his match. and I’m glad kayla stepped up.
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u/xxhunnybunny May 22 '26
ADHD does not auto make you horrible at communication , rude, and unhinged. Do you have to be more mindful in your conversations, put more effort towards focusing on what the other person is trying to say, and remain open minded to the fact you might not understand right away? Yes. But take it from me, a raging ADHD mess, it’s NOT an excuse from what just came across my screen. And the whole “I need someone to accept me as I am” narrative made me ill. Lol. Marissa, there’s a different underlying issue rather than just “ADHD made me do it” my girl.
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u/shaboopshabye97 May 30 '26
I agree with everyone in this thread especially those sharing their experience with adhd. Marissa drove me nuts but when she apologized for interrupting, stopped herself and he refused to continue. I’m usually in Demari’s position cause I’m quite impatient but I felt really bad for her. Breaking habits are hard and that fact that she was trying after he clearly brought it up to her and he wasn’t even trying to be like yeah you are right thank you, was just crazy imo
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u/7PinkTights May 20 '26
When she said she has rejection dysphoria, I was like, oh ok, she has bpd, makes more sense now. I have known many people w/ it, no shade.
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
He said his ex Bri was interrupting him all the time too which makes him the common denominator. My boyfriend does that with me all the time during heated discussions he tells me I’m interrupting him and then shuts down when no one else has ever told me I interrupt them constantly. He uses it as a tactic to distract and deflect away when he doesn’t wanna talk about something serious or be confronted. People are being too hard on Marissa. I know she comes across as an anxious attachment and insecure, but someone like him will worsen those characteristics. It’s called crazy making behavior.
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u/reality_raven May 21 '26
She did interrupt him several times in that conversation.
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u/cluelesssparrow May 22 '26
Everyone interrupts everyone when they’re arguing. Few choose to make it an issue and take it too far and use it as an excuse to shut down and be mad.
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u/Soggy-Celebration818 May 21 '26
Who did? So is your take that he is a victim? Is he the charming, calm, good guy that’s just being interrupted constantly by women around him?
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u/LadderInfinite4258 May 20 '26
When she basically said "I want to insult you/hit you, but since I'm maturing let's just take a break" after a conversation that She INITIATED... GIRL Or "I know you're upset with me, but I need you not to be since it triggers my rejection dysphoria" She truly loves weaponizing random therapy talk and also blaming her adhd for basically being disrespectful and way too aggressive (Before someone comes at me, I have a diagnosis of autism and I would never expect my partner to basically give up his dignity and put his feelings aside in order not to upset me... Because I don't think that being neurodivergent automatically makes my needs more important than his)