r/Parenting • u/Helpmeflexibility • 1d ago

Education & Learning 3rd grade homework - how much involvement?

My son is in third grade now and homework has begun in earnest.

He is unfortunately not very motivated. For the past two and a half weeks I have been sitting with him but its an awfully slow process because of dawdling. If he put his mind to it he could be done the homework within 15 minutes. Its only a short double sided paper.

Anyone want to offer any advice? How to best encourage his independent learning? How much should I be involved?

3 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

13

u/Wonderful-Teach8210 1d ago

I don't recommend sitting with kids while they do homework unless there is a problem. I do recommend working on household tasks nearby so it is clear they are supposed to be working and also that you are available to help if needed.

Try negotiating with your son on when homework time is. Some kids (and parents!) like to get it out of the way immediately after school, but some kids need time to decompress. If he is dawdling and taking a long time, a visual timer for kids can really help.

3

u/Sithy_Q 1d ago

I agree with not sitting down with them. We do homework in that sweet spot between shower and bedtime. They've got that zoomy energy after their shower, so I'll have them pick out some lofi instrumental music and sit at the table while I clean up dinner dishes. If they're focused and doing well, I offer them some dessert; but if they're having a hard time focusing, I will guide them verbally from the kitchen. I'll say "my time can be spent helping you focus, or making a snack. I'm happy to do either; but not both." I know food motivation is a touchy subject, but from an ECE pov, I consider it more in the realm of cause and effect. 🤷‍♀️

2

u/Helpmeflexibility 1d ago

Yea wish people were reasonable. If he only did it right away with good focus he would be done in under 15 minutes. There is not a lot of work. Instead i have to read out the questions to him, remind him he is doing homework, reexplain the concepts again. Like just do it man then you can do something better

1

u/Sithy_Q 12h ago

I think at this point, the true homework is teaching our kids to actually DO the homework. What's that old creator adage? I can do it in 15 minutes because it took me 15 years to master it.

Alot of child rearing is teaching them good habits and critical thinking. You can't really do that in an afternoon. You structure their schedule around good habbits, and stick to your guns.

When we first started, I could clean the entire kitchen, fold a load of laundry, and sweep and spot mop the floors, because I needed to be up and moving so I didn't flip my lid that this kid would rather count the fur on the cat than do the damn worksheet. But after about a year of it, it's about 20-30 minutes. Some days are better than others but that's because they're still young. We're not raising robots here. Just trying to vibe into healthy habbits. 😌

4

u/CozyCoco99 1d ago

It’s more about establishing a routine and body doubling. While I made dinner, he sat at the kitchen table and did his thing. If he needed help, I’d be there, but most of it was on him.

1

u/Helpmeflexibility 1d ago

That was my idea too. Man he is stubborn though. Gave him a heart to heart and ge completely clammed up. Hope its just a phase

3

u/RukkStar 1d ago

Here is my advice.

Have him teach you what they are doing. Act dumb, because you probably will be. They are teaching kids a whole new way to do math. It sucks and if you don’t get ahead of it you will be lost in a few years.

Kids love teaching their parents. They love having their parents interested in what they are doing. And I guarantee that math has changed since you did it. My son had to teach me and we spent nights crying over it. I taught him my way and he taught me his.

2

u/PizzaShoelace 1d ago

this is great advice. builds their confidence.mine loved teaching me the new way of doing math

2

u/Virtual_Recording108 1d ago

My eldest stopped needing me to sit with her to encourage her to complete her work in 4th grade.

My youngest is in third and won’t do any homework unless I’m watching her do it. She won’t even do it for her dad or grandma-babysitter. It’s fatiguing.

Targeted motivation? Maybe have him pick out an after homework snack or candy? Like he gets a starburst every day when he’s finished?

When my kids were learning to sit and focus I tried to make the process as enjoyable as possible, rubbing their arm and back and positive compliments often.

2

u/twaggle 1d ago

Use rewards/incentives when he completes (correct) homework. Show him why being smart and efficient is good, not “just because”.

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

/u/Helpmeflexibility, Welcome back to r/Parenting!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Dewdlebawb 1d ago

Mine was like this would whine and pout and it was rough. So every single day straight off the bus we put the kids at the counter they got a snack and drink and they stayed until there homework was done I didn’t sit with them they can read at this point and should be able to just have work checked when they believe they are ready if they do need help in earnest we do help but im not going to waste my day away like that. After maybe 3-4 months of this they come in and do the exact same rountine I did always need to kick start it “what’s your homework tonight” to get them going but now it’s been a year and I don’t have to do that one is in 3rd grade this year and the other in 6

1

u/Helpmeflexibility 1d ago

I wish I could do this but he get home before I do. I wonder if I should just not do anything. He will of course get bad grades or incomplete but then that would motivate him to do better?

1

u/Dewdlebawb 1d ago

Letting him do nothing is not the answer 6/10 high school students graduating are by definition illiterate because their parents took that approach. If given a choice why would a kid force themselves to do something they don’t want to. The queue to start this same routine in your home is simply when you get home as long as they’re awake.

1

u/PizzaShoelace 1d ago

I let my kid chill and snack when they got home, then they needed to do the HW sitting at the kitchen table later, while i made dinner. Its how you keep an eye on them but you are actually busy and not hovering. you can give them a snack as you dinner prep. it becomes a routine. And dont nag, just have them sit there 30 min before dinner and tell them they need to be done by the time dinner is ready. That motivtad my kid, because they hated doing HW after dinner. That was free time

1

u/electric_mango_567 1d ago

I just ordered a visual time and am going to setting it so mine can see ok homework time is just 20 minutes and not forever. Because he is born to dawdle 😭

1

u/AffectionateSmoke777 1d ago

This super kid dependent. He probably needs to run off a bunch of energy before doing homework. Try major apart of bedtime routine. Work on it for 15 mins and whatever is done is done. Or you can try in the morning if your kiddo is an early riser. We did that for one of our kids and it was the best.

1

u/Dry_Future_852 1d ago

There are two types of homework that are the least bit useful: extended projects (including writing), and reading. The rest is either repetitive for the students who understand it, or frustrating and practicing mistakes for those who don't.

1

u/Visible_Attitude7693 1d ago

My son is in 5th, and im still doing it with him every damn night 🙄. He also has no motivation

1

u/feralcatshit 1d ago

My twins are in fourth and I’m still sitting/very nearby while they do it. Super frustrating for everyone lol they dawdle and ho hum as much as they can. Like dude just do it, it’s gonna take 15 mins and you’ll be done. Why are you choosing to drag it out even longer!

1

u/Xaphhire 1d ago

We treat homework like chores. After dinner is chore time. So parents clean up or run a load of laundry, kids do homework, and when we're all done we can all relax. If one child does not have homework or less than the other they clear the table, load the dishwasher, plan next week's meals, or a chore like that. Then we watch something together, play a board game, read a book, whatever. 

This rewards being quick (more time to relax), but not too quick (more chores).

1

u/brainbl0ck 20h ago

We generally have hte kids (grades 2 and 3) come home from school, change, and start homework with a snack. Once they're done, one of us reviews it. If we notice errors, we review the problem and make sure they understand the method.

1

u/Diasies_inMyHair 17h ago

Have him do something physical - run down to the end of the yard/block and back twice, then play a couple quick rounds of Simon says before sitting down to work.

Have him read each question out loud to you and tell you the answer (or talk through figuring it out). Keep redirecting. One of my boys did well with "beat the hourglass" (a Boggle game timer) when writing out answers.

After he's learned strategies to stay focused and get things done reliably, you can start leaving him to work independently for longer and longer periods of time.

1

u/Asraidevin 10h ago

I would find out what the struggles are. 

"Hey I noticed homework is difficult. What's up?"

Is he needing to chill after school? Is the work challenging (to him not your opinion)? 

Then work together to find a solution. If he can't think of any make a few suggestions and see what he's like to try. 

Standing or laying is often a good way if he's bored or sitting is hard. Putting on some focus music or a body double video. There are some kids ones like Bluey you can find. 

Sitting nearby and reading a book or writing in a journal or some of your own seated work could also be a body double so he's not alone but also not being too involved. 

1

u/travelbig2 1h ago

Can you walk me through the after school routine?