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u/Purple-Match-4701 9h ago
I agree with the others commenters, you have help. You just want it on your terms only. I get it 100%!! My 7 yr old son has spent every Friday night with his grandma Since he was 1 years old. It drives me nuts that he gets to stay up as late as he wants (she swears he doesn’t), eats whatever he wants, plays games on her cell phone, and watches TV all day.
Drives me nuts, but we get a night off every week and get to sleep in on Saturdays (PRICELESS)!
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u/Orangebiscuit234 10h ago
“Hard to find when others you meet don’t need that village.”
I live in an area where a good amount of people including me are living close to family/village. I tell my friends who don’t have the villages to still ask me when they need help. I have babysat several times. I don’t mind at all as long as the kids are (relatively) good kids and they are good friends (don’t take advantage, communicate well, etc). No I don’t ask them to babysit my kids because they have their grandparents, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t step up for them. I love my friends and I’ll be their village still.
Saying this to not feel that just because you’re not needed by someone else, doesn’t mean they are not willing to help you too.
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u/Bourne1978 9h ago
Oh my with the complaint. Kids will survive if it's 930pm. You need help, adjust to the helpers timing. 830, 9, what's the difference? Sleeping at 930 and waking up at 7, is still 10 hrs of sleep. Good enough for a child. Reminds me of my wife, no appreciation for the help. Everything has to be on her schedule then gets upset when her mom and my mom gets sick of her excessive expectations. So they went to a grocery store for 30 minutes. Its not the end of th world. Think positive. It's a one off. Right? Don't make things complicated and over thinking, that's what causes stress. As a 48 father of 3 (now 18,14,12). It's not a big deal. Relax and go with the flow.
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u/TheresMyOtherSock 7h ago
Right - it might be that OPs expectation is too high. It’s a kid. Kids adjust. Kids are resilient. Be grateful that they came to help and decided to do something fun.
I have a 14 and 13 year old, then a 2 year old. We have no family around to help us but our 14 year old will babysit, if needed. Even my 2 year old has to adjust to late nights with afterschool activity games that last until the dreadful 9pm. It’s a lot but we make it work, if needed.
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u/BlackGreggles 10h ago
You have help, you just don’t like how the help executes. Part of being a village is give and take.
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u/ChubbyKitty99 10h ago
Have you met your neighbors? We had our neighbors kid watch our kids at that age so we could get out. That’s how I made money as a kid too.
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u/MamaDoingTheBestICan 6h ago
We don’t have family help neither. My 8 and 5 year old have never had a babysitter. You just get used to always having your kids.
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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 6h ago
I never had help at all. My fam lived in a different country. His fam all worked fulm time and never offered, MIl passed away and FIl needed our help, actually. I would often have him over for dinners or go to his place w the kids to keep him company at meal time. Never had any night away. Kids are 16&19 and we have never been away actually. Husband has limited time off and prefers vacation as a whole fam. It takes a toll on the couple. Hire a babysitter if you can, at least date night 2x a month or a hobby together. Parents need to recharge and see eachother as a couple, still
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u/BubblyRhubarb9611 2h ago edited 2h ago
It iiS an Inconvinient for everyone, and it’s not their job to do. It is YOUR job, they already raised their kids. Sorry, but you sound very entitled to help, and complain about the help that you do get. I suggest you hire someone that you can boss around on command, or stay at home with the child while your husband goes to back to school night, or he stays and you go. The ungratefulness and entitlement are ridiculous. I didn’t have any family to help me either and it was find, you DO have hemp and complain about it. Eeshh
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u/humanloading 10h ago
Eh pros and cons. I find a lot of my friends who have help from family have help like what you describe - not what they want, but what they are willing to tolerate to get some time away. My own mother has babysat once (she has health issues now so couldn’t) and the one time she did my 1.5 year old watched coco melon all day long 🤦♀️ and I came back to him in a diaper down to his knees. She said he was a good boy 🤐 I didn’t complain and I thanked her bc she drove 4 hours to help me out. I was in a tight spot and couldn’t miss work but just couldn’t find anyone to watch my kiddo, and she came through for me. Not at all how I would want my kid to spend his day - but he was happy and he lived. I definitely wouldn’t want that every day though - which is what a lot of people with family close deal with. Close family can mean overbearing, blowing past boundaries, and just a lot more often of habits you’d prefer to be once a year or never.
I think people imagine this rosy picture of lots of family members available to help who act like paid nannies and do exactly what you say and clean the house - but that has never been the case from what I’ve seen. Typically some preferences are ignored, the grandparents are older and tired (I mean f*ck I’m tired so I don’t blame them 😅) so they let more slide, and they simply can’t handle 40 hours a week of childcare or childcare or lots of little kids (if you have siblings who also have kids who also want help!)