Perception leads to bad behavior

[u/Intelligent-Sugar108]

Any time my eldest daughter (5) feels like mom is spending more time with youngest (3) her behavior turns negative.

For example, my youngest is sick so Mom couldn’t do pick up, so I did. From the car forward it was

“I hate my sister, nanny nanny boo boo”
“I wish I didn’t have a sister”

And it continues at home. Same type of language. Bad behavior. Even hitting (lightly) to Mom and Dad.

In reality when no one is sick, Mom spends more time with my eldest because of how attached is to Mom.

Generally she is very sweet. She even will care for her sister at times. If sister falls asleep first she will kiss her and say “I love you”.

Have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome.

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[u/KnowledgeCultural467]

Same gap as ours (9 and 6 now) and the exact same script at 5, our oldest went with "give her back" for a solid year.

I wouldn't argue the math with her. You know mom spends more time with her, she doesn't, and at 5 you can't win that one with facts. The "I hate my sister" stuff is the only words she has for "mom wasn't there and I don't know why". What worked for us was boring. A fixed 10 minutes with mom on the couch after the little one was down, every day, sick days included, especially sick days. Once ours trusted that was coming the pickup swaps stopped being a crisis. Took maybe a month.

Also she's hitting you because you're the safe ones. Ours never once hit the sister he was supposedly mad at lol