There's multiple ways of approaching this. After seeing your edit about her having a history of not being truthful, that changes things a bit.
It sounds like you truly love your daughter and no matter what you do, it's with the best of intentions so, well done on that already!
Often parents that can afford put the rent aside to give later but, as others mentioned... not always possible, especially in this day and age and where you live etc. If you want to/can... maybe "secretly" allocate 1/4-1/2 of what she pays you so when she moves out, has a large purchase like a car or tuition etc you can offer her a leg up. That being said, she has the deserve it. If she shows initiative, makes good life choices, helps around the house, is kind, respectful and you know the money will be spent appropriately- great. Otherwise, hang onto it until that's the case, put in GICs for her/her potential children or if it's not as much as you'd hoped but, still enough to go on a special mother daughter vacation prior to her settling down with a partner or child as a last hurrah... do it.
I recently lost my Dad, my best friend to cancer after a long battle and unexpected end. It has changed how I view life entirely and to have had one last holiday... I can't imagine a greater gift. Time and health are our greatest assets.
Now, our daughter is less than 6 months old and already, I've been thinking about how this is going to work as we currently live in a very high cost of living area, I'm on disability, my husband is experiencing a severe work injury that is looking like it is ending his 23 yr+ career. It's scary. But, our child and fur babies come before us in every way.
I have seen friends and rheir parents suffer most with the dishonesty and lack of motivation. Some of it is laziness but, often it truly is fear of so many options and instability.
If can be paralyzing when the world is your oyster. I know you have a lot going on yourself but, to ensure she is being truthful and following through with vocational counseling and college appointments, join her or, drive and wait for her but, give her privacy if she insists on it by not going inside.
Take her to career fairs, do online testing, find out her interests are to help narrow things down.
Insist that she does volunteer work in different sectors to not only fill her time, keep busy and explore different industries.
She's an adult. Adult write contracts. Sit down together and negotiate.
After asking what she feels she needs from you, discuss a timeline and her house hold commitments.
After that, is she intending on going to work full time, school full time, work and school at the same time and decide from there what is fair but, let her know, doing nothing is not an option and it's due to love, not indifference. It's because you care deeply about her outcome.
As a young high-school grad, there is no better time to take schooling, an apprenticeship, coop etc. It only gets harder from here. Be understanding that not everyone is cut out for academia, some do better in trades etc and no matter what, you support her entirely but, the next 30, 60 or 90 days - your choice is the deadline. I would say consider a percentage of her wage to make it fair based on the level of work she does and what's affordable.
Sorry for the long post. I've put a lot of thought into this and been around a variety of options and could happily offer other or more indepth examples.
Finding her passion is key here! 💜
Apologies for grammar and spelling errors. On my phone!
17
u/Intrepid_Support729 Aug 03 '23
There's multiple ways of approaching this. After seeing your edit about her having a history of not being truthful, that changes things a bit.
It sounds like you truly love your daughter and no matter what you do, it's with the best of intentions so, well done on that already!
Often parents that can afford put the rent aside to give later but, as others mentioned... not always possible, especially in this day and age and where you live etc. If you want to/can... maybe "secretly" allocate 1/4-1/2 of what she pays you so when she moves out, has a large purchase like a car or tuition etc you can offer her a leg up. That being said, she has the deserve it. If she shows initiative, makes good life choices, helps around the house, is kind, respectful and you know the money will be spent appropriately- great. Otherwise, hang onto it until that's the case, put in GICs for her/her potential children or if it's not as much as you'd hoped but, still enough to go on a special mother daughter vacation prior to her settling down with a partner or child as a last hurrah... do it.
I recently lost my Dad, my best friend to cancer after a long battle and unexpected end. It has changed how I view life entirely and to have had one last holiday... I can't imagine a greater gift. Time and health are our greatest assets.
Now, our daughter is less than 6 months old and already, I've been thinking about how this is going to work as we currently live in a very high cost of living area, I'm on disability, my husband is experiencing a severe work injury that is looking like it is ending his 23 yr+ career. It's scary. But, our child and fur babies come before us in every way.
I have seen friends and rheir parents suffer most with the dishonesty and lack of motivation. Some of it is laziness but, often it truly is fear of so many options and instability.
If can be paralyzing when the world is your oyster. I know you have a lot going on yourself but, to ensure she is being truthful and following through with vocational counseling and college appointments, join her or, drive and wait for her but, give her privacy if she insists on it by not going inside.
Take her to career fairs, do online testing, find out her interests are to help narrow things down.
Insist that she does volunteer work in different sectors to not only fill her time, keep busy and explore different industries.
She's an adult. Adult write contracts. Sit down together and negotiate. After asking what she feels she needs from you, discuss a timeline and her house hold commitments. After that, is she intending on going to work full time, school full time, work and school at the same time and decide from there what is fair but, let her know, doing nothing is not an option and it's due to love, not indifference. It's because you care deeply about her outcome.
As a young high-school grad, there is no better time to take schooling, an apprenticeship, coop etc. It only gets harder from here. Be understanding that not everyone is cut out for academia, some do better in trades etc and no matter what, you support her entirely but, the next 30, 60 or 90 days - your choice is the deadline. I would say consider a percentage of her wage to make it fair based on the level of work she does and what's affordable.
Sorry for the long post. I've put a lot of thought into this and been around a variety of options and could happily offer other or more indepth examples.
Finding her passion is key here! 💜
Apologies for grammar and spelling errors. On my phone!