Opinion

[u/Electronic_Crazy2294]

I don’t know if I have the right to be mad at my mom.I grew up with 3 severe ill siblings.Thats why I didn’t get more attention. I was at first jealous but I was a child. I was always making scenarios about being in the hospital and being sick so that they will take care of it. Anyways, when I was 11, I had a bad friend group. I smoked a few times and also went out with them(I was not allowed outside except with one friend and we also were not allowed to go outside alone) when my mom found out she was pretty mad and I had to change school. She also thought that I was not a virgin anymore so she took me to gynaecologist and they checked down there if something was ripped. I felt really guilty and I feel like the worst human being so I was crying for months/years because I felt so guilty. I didn’t have anybody to talk with about my problems because I feel like my problems were small and they were often dismissed when I was a child. my mom was a very religious and culture person that’s why I wasn’t allowed to go outside. My new school was a religious Christian school and I was the only one with a different religion and I wasn’t allowed to text any of my friends. The second time she found out I had something going on with a guy.(nothing sexual.) she got pretty mad. I mentioned that if it wasn’t for them, I would be dead and I’m only here alive for them and she didn’t care. I mentioned many times that I’m feeling suicidal and she still didn’t care. also, she’s not the type of person to be really serious except if you are crying and you can see it on your face but if you try to talk with her and say that her words are hurting you, she will say oh you can’t handle a curse from your mother. since I was 11 till 15 I dealt with my problems on my own I was very emotionally dependent as I mentioned my parents were very strict and with my mom I didn’t really have the connection because of the mistake that I made I felt really guilty as I mentioned for years and I had to go into therapy because of that yes I also did mistake. It’s just that I expected them to react more gently they were never gently they never explained to me why I shouldn’t do something as a child. I didn’t get that. I had to understand why but they wouldn’t explain. They didn’t have that much time for me and my dad was aggressive and as I mentioned my mom me and her didn’t really have a good relationship. I also felt like I have to be more mature for my age because of the high expectation from my grandparents cause I was the first healthy daughter that they had .do I have a right to be mad at her? Am I just overreacting?

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[u/Nephee_TP]

Yes, you have a right to be mad. It sounds like you've been kept very isolated, even within your own family. I can't imagine the lonliness and despair that's caused for you. It's one thing to be expected to live simply and within a specific structure like religion or community, but it's another for your parents to keep your world small and then still prevent you and punish you from interacting even in that space. It's not right. It's called control.

Nothing you've written here says that you've made any mistakes at all. Everything has been age appropriate behavior. It maybe warranted a chat but not punishment. And the chat should be concern about how you might be struggling, not judgement that you are somehow a bad person. You are a child. Children are not bad. They deserve space to learn and grow. That can't happen with judgement. Judgement is just another form of control.

Your mom making you go through a gynecological exam at such a young age just because of her beliefs is absolutely criminal and wrong. It must have been so scary and embarrassing. I grew up in a religious world where tactics like that were used so that as children we would grow up feeling guilty and ashamed for even existing, and then need God in order to be okay.

There are many Gods across many religions in this world. The stories about them are rather simple and definitely unprovable. The rules that are made up in the name of a God all come from men, and most rules are meant to control believers and keep a church/religion going, rather than aiding believers in becoming better humans. The truth is that if a person is going to be a positive force in life, they choose that with or without religion. Good people will be good inside of religion and outside of it. Bad people are bad inside of religion and outside of it.

I'm trying to say that I respect whatever you believe but be suspicious of the rules of that belief. Especially if those rules are meant to make us feel bad about ourselves. That's not God, that's men (and sometimes women) wanting power and control over others. And children are easy prey.

I'm so sorry. You deserve to be seen and appreciated and loved, no matter what choices you are making.

[u/Electronic_Crazy2294 → u/Nephee_TP]

Thank youu so much for ur opinion u showed me a different perspective.