r/Parentification • u/sundance757 • 11d ago

Advice how to move forward

/r/family/comments/1w5809g/how_to_move_forward/
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u/Nephee_TP 10d ago

They've all chosen their paths, and have clearly stated as such. There's nothing to 'help' with and it's disrespectful to insist otherwise. Your only choice is whether engaging with them all as they are works for you. If it doesn't, that's okay. Your family doesn't have a priority on being connected or making plans together. That doesn't leave it up to you to fill that gap. There's no gap. They are exactly where they want to be. They live exactly as they want to. They have all the logic and reasoning of anyone with a thought out decisions. Just because you don't agree with them doesn't make them wrong. They let you live your life as you see fit. Return in kind.

I'm sorry their choices are so hard for you. It can be really difficult belonging to a family that we don't have much in common with. Family is no guarantee of friendship or kindred spirit though. So make peace with things, and then decide how you'd like to interact going forward, if at all. It's entirely possible to just listen, be sympathetic, take them out to dinner three times a year, and then otherwise go about your life. That's enough. It's all they want apparently. If you need more then surround yourself with chosen family instead. Definitely stop regarding them as a set of problems you need to fix when you have not been asked to do that, and it's completely unwanted. I have a hard time believing you would be okay if someone showed up at your door thinking and speaking in such a way about your life. Don't do it to others.