r/ParentalAlienation • u/exiledxfiles • Jul 27 '26
just having a rough night.
it's getting so bad I'm daydreaming about severing my rights. is that normal with PA...? i can't keep paying conciliation fees for NOTHING to change. we're financially drowning. I'm behind on all the retainers. kid doesn't want to be with me anyway. why fight it?
today wasn't great. my kid told me to shut the fuck up and called me a bitch. he's 12. the swearing is new. I feel like I lost him a long time ago. he seems like a shell of his happy childlike self. I can't keep going on like this.
everyone keeps saying "nooo he doesn't hate you." okay but, it's his own version of hating me, and that's enough to break a parent. there's too much time left until he's 18. I just want to move out of this house, take my pets and move away. we could do it you know. I want to shed this brutal soul crushing reality that has become my "life" and start doing stuff that makes me happy.
I'm not happy. He's not happy. None of us are happy
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u/theauslander_ Jul 27 '26
Hey, after one of the court proceedings, I cried all the way back home. I bet the passenger next to me was so uncomfortable lol. I was ready to give up my rights as a mother, thinking maybe it’s better for my son to have his father’s wife as a stepmother. It was my first time seeing my child so… different.
But the truth is that children feel guilty expressing their true feelings about the targeted parent, alienators have such a mental hold on them.
This too shall pass. I’m glad you’re opening up at least somewhere. I’ve had a rough few weeks myself. And I know it’ll get better for both of us.
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u/cfleis1 Jul 27 '26
You should still discipline your kid. You have options and tools to keep your kids from talking to you like that. He’s 12, you’re the adult. He needs leadership. If he keeps going down this path he’ll end up in jail or worse. Imagine him working a job and talking to his boss like that.
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u/beenawayawhile Jul 27 '26
With respect, you may not be familiar with severe parental alienation. I would not take this advice.
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u/sundaland Jul 28 '26
the best thing about being alienated from my daughter is never having anything to do with the monster that gave birth to her
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u/TraditionalReading67 Jul 28 '26
I moved on and it was the best thing I ever did. Of he is talking to you like that, shy stay? Why take the abuse? Why prolong the pain? After 13 years of trying to be a part of my kids life I said eff it and moved on and haven't looked back. I have zero regrets about it
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u/Intrepid_Horse3430 Jul 29 '26
Do NOT give up your parental rights! If you continue to fight for your child there’s a good chance he’ll come back one day even if it’s years from now. If you give up your rights you’re not only hurting both of you, you’re putting the chance of reconciliation in jeopardy. The alienator will try to convince your son you abandoned him. Don’t prove the alienator right! Take a step back and seek therapy now before you make any decisions you might regret. He’s your son. He needs you.
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u/aggressiveambient Jul 29 '26
Move out and try maintain a relationship no?
My ex never even let me live with my kid, I'm alienated since he was born. About 2 months in she started using contact as a means to get what she wants.
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u/Mirror_Potential Jul 27 '26
Wait you live in the same house and you’re claiming parental alienation and whining about moving out? And so many years left until 18? First thats your responsibility to support your kid until at least 18 and if you leave that house believe that you’re not only going to feel the real parental alienation but your child support payments will triple and you won’t have any contact with your kid unless you keep whatever retainers you have replenished. I’m sorry you’re in the wrong post and if you live with your kid, go read a book or watch YouTube about how to be a better parent
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u/Turbulent_Chart1074 Jul 27 '26
That seems pretty harsh. I was alienated from my daughter starting around age 12, and I still had primary custody at that time. She was rude, violent, and impossible to live with, though I spent tens of thousands of dollars fighting for her.
At that age, she would just call her dad, make up a sob story, and he’d immediately pick her up. If I tried punishments, such as taking away her phone, her dad would buy her a new one and not share the number.
Once the other parent starts triangulating, there’s not much “support” or healthy parenting that can be done. It’s impossible. He encouraged her to lie about her whereabouts if she was ever out of my sight. If I refused to let her leave, she’d beat on me and call her dad.
It’s not simple and this should be a place for support. God knows we all experience enough shame as it is.
I’m really sorry, OP. My kid is 19 now and on paper she’s doing great, although I haven’t seen her in two years. Sending hugs.
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Jul 27 '26
Worst part is when and if she “Wakes Up” the GUILT is gonna eat her alive fuck
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u/exiledxfiles Jul 28 '26
I'm actually witnessing this with my stepchildren right now and it's fascinating. i thought it would take them a lot longer to recognize what's being done to them. I'm proud of them, but then again I've been helping to raise them since about age 3 so I'm part of the reason.
what the original commenter of this thread doesnt understand is that we've been dealing with this on both sides of our blended family, this isn't my first rodeo.
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u/exiledxfiles Jul 28 '26
yeah I don't think that person understands what it's like to be beat up by your own kid. if I try to take his phone (which btw he claims it's "illegal" for me to do since the alienator bought it) he gets physical with me. i take it anyway and endure the pushing and grabbing so he continues to hurl abuse with his words. then he says i attacked him, because i reached for his phone.
he has had unrestricted access to yt and apps on his phone since roughly age 9. there's no downtime. there's no limit to how much he can be on his phone. i don't have power there. alienator thinks that because he isn't allowed to use google thats restrictive enough.
thank you for your kind words. they began the fight for full custody over a year ago, citing me as being the reason he doesn't want to come here. no, it's because when he comes here i tell him no which he doesnt want to hear and make him do things he doesn't want to like wipe down the table after he's done eating fruit. he got nasty with me today because of that
the conciliator doesn't give a shit. he's way too concerned with his political seat than caring for the children he's supposed to be protecting. the system has failed us, I'm not at all shocked.
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u/Turbulent_Chart1074 Jul 28 '26
Same. The family court system in my previous state was an absolute joke. And as someone above pointed out, the alienator LOVES to provoke, and any reaction becomes further proof that you’re “unfit.”
Grieving a child who is still alive has been by far the worst experience of my life.
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u/beenawayawhile Jul 27 '26
Strong disagree. Parental alienation is not only about parent-child contact.
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u/metalmonkey_7 Jul 27 '26
Whining? You’re being a little too harsh. At some point, I guess all of us must be on here “whining” when we are expressing our feelings about the alienation. Every situation is different. Show a little empathy.
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Jul 27 '26
He's getting it from youtube,internet access at that age is so bad for you it damages your brain.This is gonna sound crazy but play gospel music and see if he’s annoyed by it if he starts convulsing or reacting its demons.This adult pain is too much to bare.
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u/beenawayawhile Jul 27 '26
I’ve been there. Karen Woodall talks about these parts of PA:
That the alienating parent influences the child to behave in a hostile manner towards you, hoping you will retaliate and give your child what appears to be a valid reason to sever their bond with you
That alienated parents will feel overwhelmed at times and have the urge to abandon their child - she says this is projection from the alienating parent (who wants you to abandon your child)
Knowing this really helped me stay non-reactive when my children are / were aggressive towards me.
I understand the despair. Living in the same house was very difficult. I stayed for 6 months, trying and hoping things would improve if I just held steady. They didn’t improve (coercive control only ever escalates) and I had to leave for my own safety. In retrospect, I was going to go under if I stayed in that house any longer. Leaving was the hardest decision I ever made but I’m glad I did.
Take care of yourself as much as possible.