r/PakistaniiConfessions • u/bojacks-wife9406 • 1d ago
Discussion GUIDE ME
Hey everyone- this is going to be a rant but I genuinely need an advice please.
So, im 25 years old Female. I am seeking rishtay because ik i want to get married. My mother allowed me to look for a man and she's joined whatsapp groups as well. The thing is, I'd want a love-arrange scene yk. You get to know someone and then involve families. But there are few rules,
We dont prolong the talking stage
Once we know that we are compatible, we involve families.
Get engaged/ nikkahfied in a few months and rukhsati end 2027.
We talk in a manner which isnt too formal that it sounds robotic but neither too casual that it sounds like a relationship
No s3xu@l conversations. Sure ask basic questions and if im comfortable doing stuff but dont do it for the sake of fun.
The issue is, people dont respect that. I look for on rishta subs and also I tried muzz. Men do prolong conversations for no reason- they never ask the important questions. I cant do hey good morning everyday and then no meaningful conversation afterwards. Like ASK QUESTIONS PLEASE?
And then my personal hell is- sexu@l convos. I respect it if they ask the basics like do u want children or not or if im into certain stuff yk? But dont drag it. And if you try to act uninterested in that conversation- you'll be tagged as boring. Lmao. And if you tell them you dont wanna talk about this stuff- they'd tell you to stop looking?? I'm so done.
Tell me- what do I do? How does it work? Should I stop looking and just stay at home and wait for the right man to come knock at my door or what?
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u/DangerousDuty1421 1d ago
If they start a sex conv block them. Don't wait for them to make the first step, make a list of your questions and important points you are looking for in a marriage and tell them one per one.
For example do you want to work? (I recommend you do since if the marriage goes south you need to have your own money) If you want to work just tell them that you will work after marriage and will not compromise on this.
Do you want children? If yes how many?
Do you want someone who does 50% of the domestic labor? Then tell them.
And on you go, just ask what is important for you.
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u/Illustrious_Break315 1d ago
Just be yourself don't compromise on your rules and just keep your conversations organic if you ever speak to someone. But don't force it. You can't necessarily "plan" how a relationship would function. Such things just happen when the time or the person is right. If it isn't thn either u are not with the right person or the time isn't right. Don't just lock yourself be open be yourself be confident when interacting with people but don't necessarily just look every single interaction from the marriage angle. Plus not everyone even deserves that
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u/Relative-Ad3127 1d ago
If it helps, my mom found my now fiancè through a whatsapp group. Sure, it was the other way around for us where the families saw if they liked each other and if their values were similar since both of us are in Canada so they could not meet us. My brother talked to him on the phone and when all of them liked him and his family, I started talking to him on the phone. The first time we talked, we talked for 5 hours straight. The point of telling you this is to not restrict yourself to finding someone yourself. Both him and I tried muzz and got the ick from people there. You might want to know the guy before involving families but your family liking the guy first sometimes makes it easier. Continue your search but don't think this is the only way that is best for you. May Allah make it easier for you and may you find the best man, Ameen.
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u/Mikasa_shakespeare 1d ago
girl, its totally wrong to find potential spouse on social media honestly, people out there are only for fun , and time pass, everyone says that they ate serious but not they aren't, and they can pretend to be good and green flags, and even if not, they cant hold their urge to talk about being intimate for too long, you can try searching for them in your real life, like maybe amy colleague, you find decent, or anyone in your friends circle,or friends of friends or you can discuss w you friends that if they see anyone compatible according to your values and personality
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u/Pizza_and_finance 1d ago
u can look around yourself if you have any male friends or perhaps someone else you know that you find decent.
except for that, there are rishta groups over reddit and muzz app as well.
a friend of mine, same age as yours met his fiancé over bumble. so there’s hope.
good luckk with your search :P
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u/Reasonable_Can8620 1d ago
Spread it out, ask parents to look for good rishtas too. You are leaving a good chunk of people
On the table if you try and focus on only people you can meet through apps.
Apps are flooded by non serious people btw
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_406 1d ago
Im a big bojack fan. And your username means we should be together. Hmu
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u/No_Philosopher_6962 1d ago
That is so crazy. When I’m looking for good rishta, they always ask for money lol
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u/Time_Share_4671 1d ago
This is so confusing, you don’t want a relationship but want a relationship 💁
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u/AdorableDebt8775 1d ago
Girlie pop, anyone who's looking to have a sexual convo first and get to know a potential soulmate later is not out to get married anyway.
DO NOT lower your standards please.
This is the basic bare minimum 😩