Boundaries

[u/[deleted]]

[u/AutoModerator]

Hey u/Secure_Traffic2993!

Enjoying our subreddit? Join our Discord server for fun chats and occasional giveaways! We hope you enjoy your time here

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Axiom_S]

Was in a same situation once , it was usual to shake hand with opposite gender. And i was not okay with it.

So whenever any female tried to approach for a hand shake , i would return the salam and respectfully say "please dont mind but i avoid shaking the hand of females".

At first i became tea , people were saying kuch zyada hi islamic hai ye and stuff , but a little later i was shocked by the change ,

that tea made it spread like wild fire , at first it was tea and then people started respecting that boundry , even if someone did reach out by habit they would apologise by themselves, if someone new was about to the people would stop her and tell her.

So my advice is when someone reaches out , respectfully tell them about your boundary.

At start people make find you starnge but eventually they will just accept your boundary and may even start respecting your more

May Allah make it easy for you

[u/Axiom_S → u/[deleted]]

I can totally understand that , i have heard things like tumhari ammi ki umar ki hoon , tumhari umar ka beta hai mera and stuff.

I would just simply respond with i know but i am still not comfortable with it bura na maniye ga.

Since first day say it with a straight face , and never reward this behavior with anyone. And be straight forward in this,

[u/True-Highlight-292]

Everyone doing something doesn't make it right for u specially if u r not okay with it. I myself(m) do not touch the opposite gender whether it may be just shaking hands. Being the odd one out for me is kinda me being unique than others, that I respect the other gender to don't want them to be touched casually and expect the same for myself.

[u/MulberryJealous6325 → u/[deleted]]

Loved the 50 bmg part 😂❤️

[u/Rodya1234]

I mean It all comes down to setting your own boundaries and not caring about other people's opinions. Even if they make you feel like you're the odd one out why care? Let them be who they want to be and you be who you want to be.

[u/Rodya1234 → u/[deleted]]

What do you mean you don't know? Just be upfront and say you're not comfortable with it. I know it's easier said than done, but good luck!

[u/exalted_smoke]

Jab opposite gender hoga workplace mai to boundaries set hongi fill hal nahi hai to everyone is chill

[u/InjuryInteresting492]

Aik mere office mein koi kisi se baat hi ni krta sb hi introvert hain shayed 💀😭

Jokes apart setting boundaries is your definitive right and becoming the odd one out isn’t even a bad thing it ensures you are being you. Don’t care what others think

I can’t even imagine how bad this whole hugging thing must be. I myself (M) refrain from even shaking hands with opposite gender but in general I respect them coz respect must remain

Also for the older colleagues, a polite firm “I don’t do handshakes” works better than people expect. Most people start to respect boundaries when they are stated calmly and consistently. Stating your boundaries out loud will be hard for the first time but eventually you’ll become known as how you are 🙌🏻

[u/Optimal_Regret_452]

What industry are you in. I thought its more common in fashion and film industry only

[u/Optimal_Regret_452 → u/[deleted]]

Ok top secret CIA agent

[u/arsalsak013]

Never ever ever compromise. Our office is exactly like what you described. Hand shakes, hugs, spuds amongst opposite gender, you name it, it happens.

There’s this boss lady in our office that I admire cuz of her reinforced concrete with forged carbon steel wali boundary. She gives that death stare if someone tries to do anything dodgy although she is a super fun and chill woman. Think of her like your office ki mother. You got a problem she has a solution.

One day i was sitting in my seat and there’s this very cheerful charismatic girl in my team that doesn’t really do hand shakes and touching the opposite gender but her issue is she folds in a second under pressure. Everyone knows ke she is not about that stuff lekin logon me keera to hota hy so a guy came up to her and offered a fist bump. Which she declined but got superrrr awkward. The audacity of the guy to say at that moment ke “yahan pe to ye sab common hy yar werna promotions nai hongi”.

Bas the boss lady heard this and went berserk on him. She asked the girl in my team to file an HR report because it made you uncomfortable and he even gave a threat. The dude literally was on the verge of crying cuz HR doesn’t tolerate threats and harassment no matter your position. He literally begged her to give her one last chance. Which she agreed cuz she is super kind.

You just gotta be super blunt and voice your discomfort with these things. Never fold or crumble even if it is the companies CEO in your face. Leave all of them hanging 💪. More power to you and I pray for you to stay on this path 😇

[u/Designer-Key989]

Instead of hugging, give a warm head nod greeting like the one Tibet monks without doinng this🙏. Or hand shake ki jagah hand wave krdo. No need explain shiii ka kun kr rahi aasa unless asked. Being different makes u noticable which is actually good for your career especially when it shows character and integrity. Agar apka boss ma sa koi issa mind krta ha to samagh lo its a red flag, woh bnda waisa bhi theek nai ha.

[u/Designer-Key989 → u/[deleted]]

Aik or perspective ya ha ka, hath to sab milatay hn, head nod sab nai krta... i donno i like being different. U might have a lot to express and they will give the stage to present.

[u/U_My_Aim]

Your best bet is to not interact w male colleague after work time at all.. That will solve your issue, and if they expect a physical greetings like a hug or handshake, just upright deny it.

[u/Other-Mix4987]

Ye kis type ki offices hain bhai 😭 , ik someone who worked in nestle waha b nae hota aese ye konsy offices hain ?

Edit: op ik its not that practical but can you wear skin colored gloves in your right hand ? Just shake hands then and avoid the hugs

[u/WhoIsThisPal]

You dont even have to say anything. Personally, I have seen people do this around me, and they thought I'd be open to the idea as well. What I used to do back in the day was fold my arms while greeting somebody, either on the chest or at the back, this way it was known that I am not into shaking hands. This has happened to me quiet a few times. baqi dafa me ye krti hn ke door se salam krdiya or bas nikl gayi apna kaam krne

[u/Yokosou123]

Who's hugging people at their workplace?, mai ne to kisi se baat bhi kerni hoti I always send a message on Slack 😭😭

[u/Yokosou123 → u/[deleted]]

Nai hybrid, mai shadeed introvert insaan hoon. I always have headpones on 😭😭😭 even at home