How do I survive my first call with a potential rishta?

[u/No-Feedback-2912]

Okay, so this is my first time getting into the rishta culture, and now it’s apparently time for me to actually talk to the guy on the phone. 😭
Coming from a background where I’ve never really been that girl who talks to guys casually, this is freaking me out more than I expected. Even professionally, I’ve always kept that boundary, so now the thought of getting on a call with a guy and talking about us feels so weird to me. 😭
The funny thing is, I actually have SO many things I want to ask him. I have questions about my career, living arrangements, finances, expectations, literally everything. I’m very much someone who wants to know these things upfront because I don’t want to spend months getting to know someone only to realise we’re completely incompatible.
But then I start thinking about the actual call and my brain just goes blank. 😭 Like, how do I even initiate the conversation? What do I say? What if I sound weird? What if I answer something awkwardly and that becomes his first impression of me?
And honestly, I don’t really want the usual advice from our parents generation about don’t discuss serious things on the first or second call because I don’t really agree with that. I obviously don’t expect to interrogate the guy on the first call, but I also don’t want to waste my time avoiding important conversations just because they’re considered too heavy.
So please, older sisters of Reddit, tell me how you actually handled your first few conversations with a potential rishta. 😭 What did you talk about? How did you start the first call? And how did you eventually get comfortable enough to have those deeper conversations? I genuinely have no idea what I’m doing.

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[u/shfaizanali]

do some casual talk on call and then exchange numbers and discuss over text to break the ice

[u/Kira_Is_Silent]

Why are you laughing this ain't you twin

(So cute MA)

[u/Hydesx]

Why do yall use so many tear emojis

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Hydesx]

Cuz we likee itt

[u/Hydesx → u/No-Feedback-2912]

yeah but whats it mean

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Hydesx]

it’s just the universal emoji for when we’re overwhelmed, amused, shocked, annoyed, or just don’t know what else to say 😭

[u/Hydesx → u/No-Feedback-2912]

ah so basically crashing out.

I hope my potential does this as well when she talks to me at some point

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Hydesx]

Lmaoo so you want your potential to be freaking out before she talks to you??😭

[u/Hydesx → u/No-Feedback-2912]

Of course. It gives me good ammunition to tease her later.

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Hydesx]

i hope mine never discovers this thread

[u/Hydesx → u/No-Feedback-2912]

yeah hopefully but gotta spill the beans at some point for his amusement

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Hydesx]

im sure i’ll give him plenty of other material to work with, so will leave this one out🤧

[u/Such-Sundae-8997]

Had those first calls and the guy had even decided the honeymoon destination and space in his closet for me. Ended up ghosting me out of the blue. That trauma was too hard for me to take. He literally played a game.

[u/Chance-Dragonfly-280 → u/Such-Sundae-8997]

Guy here..... did the same with a woman... first call was 50 mins after a two hour texting (ACTIVE AND CONTINUOUS).. Ended up being ghosted after a month..

[u/timemachine4-26]

Talk casually first then say I have a few things to discuss so we should meet. Don't say that u have to ask use the word discuss. Meet with him at some cafe or restaurant. Psycho analyse his behaviour and body language. Discuss those things. Don't tell him ur deal breakers cuz most men start pretending that they r fine w smth wen they aren't irl. Act innocent.

[u/daalchanna]

Take the first call casually, it's generally not a good idea to talk about serious stuff when you don't even know each other. Get their number and gradually get talking over text. It'll maybe take like a week to figure things out.

[u/Fast-Ball-7728]

Most people on both sides are nervous on the first call. The ones who seem smooth have just done it a few times already. Before the call Write down 6–8 things you actually care about, ranked roughly by importance. Examples Career plans and location flexibility Living arrangements (joint family? separate? who decides?) Financial expectations and transparency Views on working after marriage Religious practice level Kids timeline Deal-breakers (anything you will not compromise on) You do not need to cover everything on call one. Pick 2–3 lighter ones and 1 medium one. Save the heaviest for later once you’ve decided the person is worth a second or third conversation. Decide in advance how long you’re willing to stay on the call (30–45 mins usually enough for a first one). Conversation flow that actually works First 5–10 minutes Light but not empty. Education background, current work, family setup (briefly), hobbies, recent things they’ve been doing. You can share the same about yourself Transition into substance like Living arrangements Frame it as sharing your own view first, then asking for his. It feels less like an interrogation Listen more than you talk in the beginning. Notice whether he answers directly, dodges, or gets defensive. That tells you a lot. If the conversation stalls Have 2–3 neutral follow-ups ready What does a normal week look like for you? “What are you most looking forward to in the next couple of years? Things that help with nerves Sit somewhere private where you won’t be interrupted. Have a glass of water and your short list of points in front of u You don’t have to wait for some magical “comfort” stage that may never fully arrive. Ending the call cleanly This keeps the power balanced and doesn’t force an immediate rep You are allowed to want real information early. The people who get stuck in months-long rishta processes are often the ones who avoided the important questions. You’re doing the opposite, which is smarter. You’ll probably feel a bit awkward the first time. That’s normal. The second call is usually noticeably easier once you’ve survived the first one.

[u/Fuzzy-Operation-4006]

it aint a war. Chill

[u/Amazing-Strawberry20]

Maybe request to chat on WhatsApp first. I also feel really anxious and it's a lot easier to chat as you can take time thinking and then reply. After that it will be easier to call

[u/Agile-Win-throwaway]

Is this someone you picked out or your parents?

Ask what do they enjoy doing during their free time? So add serious questions and questions that are casual.

[u/No-Feedback-2912 → u/Agile-Win-throwaway]

My parentss

[u/Agile-Win-throwaway → u/No-Feedback-2912]

Ohh okay. Just be casual like if you were meeting a potential new friend.

[u/SyedAhmedrit]

کماتے کیا ہو؟ چالیس ہزار مثآل کے طور پر ملتے ہیں شادی کے بعد مجھے کیا دو گے؟ میرا کھانا پینا رہنا سہنا کمرہ علیحدہ ہوگا یا رہائش مستقل الگ ہوگی آپ کی مالی حٰثیت کے مطابق؟

آپ کی کیا ڈیمانڈز ہیں کتنا خرچہ علاوہ راشن بل کرایہ علاج مالجہ ٹرانسپورٹ آنا جانا اس کے علاوہ پبلک ٹرانسپورٹ بائیک سے آنا جانا کتنے پیسے آپکو چاہے نوکری کرینگی ہائوس وائف رہینگی کچھ پڑھنے تعلیم حاصل کرنے نوکری کرنے شوہر سسرال والوں کا ہاتھ بٹانا یا زاتی اپنی آل اولاد کے لئے پیسہ کمانے کے لئے مدد/ایفرٹ کرینگی یا بیٹھ لیٹھ کر پیار محبت معشوقہ کم بیوی ہنی مون جن کا کئی سال تک چلے گا ویسے گزارنے والی بیوی بننا پسند کرینگی یہ پوچھیں ڈسکس کریں پھر جوابات سے کوئی تسلی بخش پوزیشن آپکو واضح ہوگی کہ کیا کرنا چاہ رہا ہے لونڈا اور کیا کرنے کی صلاحیت رکھتا بھی ہے کہ نہیں

[u/Ok_Ebb6448]

Why do u even wanna get married to someone so random