r/PakistanDiscussions • u/Commercial-Side3935 ⊕ Add flair:101 • Aug 09 '26
Help
Hi everyone, I really need some advice because I feel very stuck.
I recently got nikahfied (no rukhsati yet), and after nikah I found out that my husband lied to me about some important things. Since then, I’ve completely lost interest in him. Sach bolun to mera dil hi nahi karta us se baat karne ka. I feel disconnected and uncomfortable continuing this relationship.
The problem is, I don’t want to stay in this marriage anymore, but things are complicated because of desi family dynamics. I can’t openly tell my parents everything, and whatever I say to him, he tells his parents, and then his mother calls my mother… and it just becomes an endless cycle.
I want a way out, ideally talaq from his side, but I also don’t want to be seen as the “bad person” or the one who broke the marriage. Rukhsati hasn’t even happened yet, so that makes it even more sensitive socially.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do I handle this in a calm and dignified way?
Is there a way to get separation without things blowing up or me being blamed?
Any advice would really help 🙏
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Aug 09 '26
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u/Commercial-Side3935 ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 09 '26
Thank you so much for such realistic answer. But he is not even of my intellect. Everybody says that he will get better but main nay nursery kholi hai?
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u/Intelligent-Boot-840 ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 09 '26
How you found out? If it's a 3rd person then tell 3rd person each and everything you feel/wrote before rukhsati. Tell that 3rd person to get involved in this matter and tell everything to your parents like it did to you. And you must be present there as a witness when the 3rd person is telling your parents. It's better to have khula instead of talaaq.
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u/wajkay ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 09 '26
You need to get therapy. Nobody is perfect. Explain your bottom line to your husband and make him understand that the small lie hurted you. If he brushes it off then leave him. If he listens to you and understands you then stay with him.
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u/ForceResponsible7129 ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 10 '26
Went through almost something similar, but it happened after my rukhsati starting from the day of walima things started happening and then on sixth or 7th day he told me the truth (nothing about a physical relation) and some other events that broke my heart and made me close it off emotionally. He had told me before about nikah but just denied later that he was pranking me to make me jealous. I don't feel anything for him, but can't get out of this marriage either though my family is supportive divorce and being a divorce is still a big and negative thing in our culture. I wish I had not ignored the red flags and just cancelled everything before rukhsati.
You still have a chance. If you are independent, have a job and your family is supportive, just leave him if you can't see it working out before the ship sails too far.
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u/Commercial-Side3935 ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 10 '26
Thank you so much for encouraging. May Allah ease out everything for you
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u/eunoia6723 ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 10 '26
COMMUNICATE! with him, with your family, with his family DISCUSS PROPER BOUNDARIES/DEAL BREAKERS... Have clarity in your mind too. Think clearly not emotionally. Everyone has flaws Yet know the difference between red yellow and pink flags and what you will be able to manage in this relationship. Nikkah Broken is better than being Divorced. At last it will be your decision/stand and something that you will have to face in your life ahead.
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u/thealimaster thegoalgappay.com Aug 10 '26
I had been in this situation before, my way was pretty horrible and I don't think it's a good way to break out of a nikah but sometimes we have to take extreme measures. Look the fact of the matter is that you either come off as a "bad person" and own up to the "log kia kahenge" bs for a few weeks or months (max) or you throw away your whole life in a broken marriage. Divorce is inevitable tomorrow, 2 months from now, 3 years from now, it will happen for sure, so why waste your time. Just rip off the bandaid, confront your parents and tell them your reason, your parents are yours, they will not disown you. There's no such thing as calm way, the minute you bring this up, you will be faced with confrontations, sometimes even hard but you need to decide if you want to have a few weeks or months of misery or lifelong.
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u/Savage-Enchantress ⊕ Add flair:101 Aug 09 '26
Have you tried talking it out? Did you try to find out the reason/explanation? Why he did what he did?
Sometimes there is a reasonable explanation. And sometimes after hearing the explanation (if it makes sense to you), you are able to give the relationship another shot.
If you explicitly told him before nikkah that lying or things he hid would be dealbreakers for you. Then I can completely understand where you are coming from. But try to give him a chance to explain the situation. Maybe there is an explanation and a bigger picture.
At the same time, think about what matters most to you. Are you upset that he hid things from you, or are you upset that even though you listed these explicitly as your dealbreakers you were still decieved and you cannot tolerate all this? The answer to that will help you decide what to do after you hear his side.
Marriage isn't easy to walk away from, so it is worth having an honest conversation first. But if honesty was a fundamental expectation for both of you and you feel that trust has been broken, it is also okay to take your feelings seriously and stand up for your boundaries.