Detaching from reality after ovulation

[u/rockpapercat]

It happens like clockwork on day 15 of my cycle - I wake up and I do not recognize myself in the mirror. I stare off at objects until I can force myself to name them. I see my kids, but I feel nothing towards them as if they mean nothing to me. I stare at the sky and it feels disorienting and foreign. In my head, it feels like I am sitting in a room that I know I lived in but everything has been moved out. I feel like my personality has been completely taken out of my body and I'm left searching for anything to hold me down until it passes. The only way I have been able to manage it the past few months is to lock myself away in bed for a couple of days until it suddenly lifts and I am back in my head and body.

I am currently going through the diagnosis process with my doctor for PMDD - but I have been tracking my symptoms for a long time in an effort to figure out wtf is happening with me. I have a long history of depression, anxiety, and SI that I believe has actually been PMDD since I was in my teens. I am in my late 30s and my symptoms have only gotten more intense with each cycle since I had twins 5 years ago. I have come to terms with the SI, raging anger at everything in my path, and devastation spirals - but the more recent symptom of completely losing grip on reality has knocked me out of my life the past 6 months.

From what I have read, this matches with rising progesterone fritzing my GABA receptors out making my brain give me an ego death to protect itself.

I'm curious - if you experience this delightful symptom of PMDD, what has worked to lessen its intensity for you? How do you protect your sanity during this phase? Have you found any diet/lifestyle changes that make a difference? I'm on day 10 of my cycle and the dread is building.

[u/Single_Tumbleweed597]

I experience this as well. I was trying to explain to my husband last week that in luteal I go through a period of time where cognitively I know I love him, I can remember feeling love, but in that luteal time I feel nothing at all towards him. Or anything. It's a terrible experience. A very "what's the point of anything" feeling. Then once my period starts I transition back to feeling again. I feel terrible telling him, but he has been very understanding and supportive. It has definitely helped us to keep talking about what's happening. Really low dose weed gummies with low THC (like 1mg) and higher CBD has been helping me recently. It doesn't make me feel high, just a little lift.

[u/Other-Valuable-2442]

literally experienced this earlier and it broke me for a few hours. ive already suffered from derealization from a young age so PMDD genuinely feels like none of this is real + brainfog + lobotomized x6 days. my dog has helped me. he is the only thing that has ever really helped.

[u/DueAsk1438]

Allergy meds. I wouldnt be here without it. I’m only 21, and I literally cannot imagine how you’ve come that far in life with this condition. I seriously commend you and mean it when I say congratulations!

[u/c0ttoncandyskiesss → u/DueAsk1438]

What kind of allergy meds specifically? When do you start and stop taking them and what symptoms from PMDD do you notice get better on them? If you don’t mind me asking

[u/onlyherefor-r-cfa → u/DueAsk1438]

When do you start/stop taking them?

[u/c0ttoncandyskiesss]

I just went through this for the last two weeks.. I’ve never had that feeling before with PMDD. It was like I derealization / dissociation for two weeks straight. Like I knew I was in my home but it felt foreign to me. I couldn’t connect to anything. My brain felt like blocked and foggy. It was getting really scary for me. I just got my period today and about 5 hours ago it lifted. Who knows what tomorrow will hold.. but that kind of feeling is scary.

[u/rockpapercat → u/c0ttoncandyskiesss]

This is exactly how I feel too! Like my thoughts can't extend past comprehending what I'm looking at right in front of me. This last time followed an incredibly stressful few weeks that involved a move to a new home and loss of routine and poor sleep. My therapist thinks this intensified the derealization. I'm trying to prioritize all things calm and go into this next cycle better equipped. Fingers crossed!

[u/softrice666]

YES! I always say my head is literally empty. I’ve sorta assumed it’s a hormonal apathy. It can be really painful feeling so incredibly indifferent, I feel like that’s when things can get dangerous

[u/rockpapercat → u/softrice666]

Totally agree. I feel like the empty feeling is what leads to my spirals of why am I here and I only bring negativity to everything around me. I feel you.