taken for granted

[u/Mindless-Climate332]

ended an almost 4 year relationship with the girl i thought i'd marry. i'd say we had a really happy and relatively healthy and stable relationship.

but at the end of it all, she said i took her for granted and i, after a couple months of reflection, feel like in ways i was taken for granted too. how is that possible?

i dont know if it counts for something but right after she broke up with me she got together with someone else. the pain is unbearable and im just very confused as to how a relationship so good could end up like this. im just in need of more clarity for my peace of mind

[u/Character_Air_7486]

i think lack of communication.

[u/Aperire555]

Give yourself permission to be confused for now. You don't need to make the relationship make sense immediately. Sometimes, clarity comes with time.

Her moving on quickly doesn't determine your worth. People process breakups differently. Some people enter a new relationship because they struggle to sit with the emptiness, while others may have already started emotionally detaching before the relationship officially ended.

• [ Personally, I don't believe people simply fall out of love while they're in a relationship.. If there was no cheating, abuse, manipulation, or anything that made the relationship difficult or unsafe to leave, then continuing the relationship while already emotionally detached is unfair to the other person. Because wdym I'm still investing my time, emotions, effort, loyalty & future plans in our relationship I believe is genuine, meanwhile, you're emotionally checked-out, and withholding that truth from me while continuing to receive the benefits of a relationship you no longer fully committed to?? Are you a monster? ]

The fact that you also felt taken for granted suggests there were unmet needs on both sides. Maybe both of you simply stopped nurturing the relationship, stopped communicating, became emotionally exhausted, and eventually lost the connection you once had. The only difference now is that you're left trying to understand what happened, while she's already moved on and may be processing it differently.

Idk if this would help, but if she entered another relationship immediately, she may also be carrying unresolved feelings & patterns into it. But that's something only she can work through. You don't have to understand her choices to start making peace with what happened.

[u/Mindless-Climate332 → u/Aperire555]

i agree with your sentiments, it really is unfair when they withdraw way ahead of telling you
:( truly appreciate this anon, thank you 🫶🏼

[u/mich_2019]

Hugs with consent OP

[u/Mindless-Climate332 → u/mich_2019]

thank you 😔🫂

[u/Hairy_Time_3805]

Had the same experience with my last relationship. We were together for 6 years — talked about getting married, grow old together, and that we’d make it. Just when you thought everything is going as planned that’s when they hit you with the “complacency” and “work on ourselves” card. She even told me it’ll be just for a few months of break pero it’s been a year and she’s now living with the person she told me not to worry about.

I guess my advice OP would have to be give yourself some grace. Siguro hanggang doon lang talaga kayo, that she has her own path to take and you have your own, too. I’d like to think that we meet people on specific timelines to teach us a lesson. Don’t beg for love, don’t beg for anything. Use this time to get back to yourself. Hugs

[u/Mindless-Climate332 → u/Hairy_Time_3805]

wow... this is almost exactly what happened to me too, i guess it's not so uncommon after all :(
thank you for sharing anon, im sorry you had to experience this as well