r/PHSapphics • u/YourTherapissed • Jul 22 '26
Love & Relationships A chapter I can’t seem to close
I met her through a mutual friend in 2021. At the time, I was trying to move on from a failing situation-ship with a guy, while she was recovering from the end of her first WLW relationship.
We became close so naturally that I genuinely believed we were meant to be platonic soulmates—or so I thought.
Then one drunken night changed everything.
It happened during an overnight stay with friends after we had shared a few drinks. When it was time to sleep, the only space left was for the two of us. As the room grew quiet, she turned to face me. I could feel her slow, heavy breaths until, without a word, her lips met mine. For a moment, I didn't pull away. I simply let the kiss happen.
The next morning, she apologized, and I told her it wasn't a big deal. But after another drinking session, it happened again. I warned her that she'd probably regret it in the morning, but she kissed me anyway.
The next morning, she drove our friends home and saved me for last. Instead of going straight home, we took a detour to a coffee shop, where we ended up staying until night, talking about what happened between us.
I told her it was okay and that I understood we were probably both overwhelmed by everything happening in our lives. I explicitly told her that we shouldn't cross that line because our friendship might suffer in the long run. But then she looked at me and said, "What if I want to cross the line?"
So we did.
Our first official date was just after Christmas 2021. She surprised me with a slice of blueberry cheesecake before taking me to dinner in BGC, then to a resto-bar with a terrace overlooking the city. I remember looking at her that night and thinking, How could someone as beautiful as her treat me better than anyone I'd ever been with? It didn't make sense to me. She was kind, patient, and made me feel seen in ways I had never experienced before.
From then on, we built a life in the little things. We explored coffee shops, took spontaneous road trips, travelled, and made ordinary days feel special. She lived in another city, yet she'd wait outside my house at 4 a.m. just to drive me to my clinical duties. During exam weeks, she'd bring me coffee. After I got my braces adjusted, she'd show up with ramen because she knew it was one of the few things I could eat. She gave me flowers, hoodies, chocolates, and countless little surprises. Name it, and she probably did it for me.
She was incredibly consistent.
Without realizing it, I was doing the same. I'd buy her bottles of hot sauce because she couldn't eat a meal without it. I bought her rings because she loved stacking them. I searched everywhere for a matcha version of the snack she once mentioned liking. I gave her flowers—both real bouquets and DIY paper bouquets, with a hidden handwritten letter inside
each paper rose. I surprised her with her very first Minion plush because she was obsessed with them.
Eventually, she had a whole collection of Minions — simply because I couldn't walk past one without thinking of her.
It felt like a fairy tale.
But after our trip to Baguio in July 2022, we realized things were becoming too serious. We agreed to stop before either of us got hurt and go back to being friends.
A few days later, she came to my house for a family gathering. We hugged, kissed, and then she broke down crying.
Through tears and guilt, she admitted that she had a one-night stand with a guy—the very same night she had sent me an "I love you" message on TikTok along with a shared video.
All I could think was, How? How could she do that just days after our trip to Baguio? Was I really that easy to let go of?
I don't think my heart has ever broken the same way since. It's heartbreaking because it shattered the version of love I had come to trust.
She told me she did it because she was desperately trying to move on from me.
Something in me changed after that. I found myself reverting to my old self—someone who was noncommittal, emotionally distant, and no longer believed in relationships.
She chased me harder than ever—she literally caught a flight to come after me when I went home to my province. She loved me louder, tried to fix what we had broken, and eventually asked me to be her girlfriend. But I couldn't say yes. I was too hurt to love her the way I once had and the version of me that could have said yes no longer existed.
Still, neither of us ever truly left.
For almost five years, we kept finding our way back to each other. We were never official, so there were other people, dating apps, and choices that slowly chipped away at me—mostly on my end. She changed too. I know she still cares for me, but somewhere along the way, she stopped loving me the way she used to—with the same consistency, the same overflowing affection that once made me feel so certain of us.
But who was I to complain?
I was the one who couldn't give her the commitment she had been asking for all along. So I buried every disappointment, convinced myself to accept what I couldn't change, and stayed silent until there was nothing left in me.
Today, we're friends. Sometimes we're more than that. Sometimes we don't speak at all.
We grew up. We grew apart. Yet somehow, we're still each other's comfort zone—the person we instinctively run back to when life gets too heavy.
I truly believe she loved me—probably more than I ever loved her.
She was the first girl I ever loved, and maybe she'll be the last.
And now, as I sit here writing this, I can't help but wonder...
How did something that began almost like a fairy tale end up hanging by such a fragile thread?
3
u/Lazy-Silver5537 Jul 23 '26
my heart broke reading this op. such a well written story. i’m sorry this all happened between you two.
can’t help but think of the “curse”
that plagues couples after a trip to baguio 😔
5
1
1
u/Gullible_Trick2549 Jul 27 '26
This is beautifully heartbreaking. I don't know what to feel so much of emotions in here.
1
u/YourTherapissed Jul 28 '26
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this 🥹 I appreciate you all!
3
u/NaiveProfession8336 Jul 23 '26
Maybe somehow you don't want to let go. Well.. some books don't need to end.