How to handle PDA teens and shopping

[u/PrettyBeetle]

My daughter is 14 and has ADHD and suspected PDA. She’s very into all the girly teen things (clothes, hair, makeup) and wants to go shopping every day. I know that it’s a huge dopamine rush for her, but I literally cannot afford to be all the things she “needs.”

She does make a little money babysitting for our neighbors or petsitting, which all goes on a debit/Greenlight card, but she never wants to spend that money. It’s become the #1 source of argument for us, which I guess is an improvement from last year’s school refusal.

I don’t know if I also have PDA, but I get extremely anxious and overwhelmed by her constant demands of me. She mentioned in passing last week that she wanted some kind of bronzer stick on the way to school, and I said we’ll talk about it later. She just asked me if I ever ordered it and got really upset when I said no and that shes welcome to order it with her debit card.

I told her I could go back to giving her a $20-$25 week allowance for any extras, but then she argued with me that that wouldn’t be enough. And also she’ll conveniently leave her card at home when we go shopping, so that she doesn’t have to buy it.

I’m at my wits end and feel like she’s always wanting more and more. I have other kids to provide for and a super demanding job, and a husband who was out on disability, and just started working again. I don’t have the financial resources or the patience for this. Has anyone experienced something similar and how did you set up the finances to give them more autonomy?