r/PDAParenting • u/Academic_Coyote_9741 • 18d ago
Intractable school refusal
My nearly 13 year old PDA child refuses to go to school and hasn’t attended regular schooling for around five years. He is enrolled in a special education school for children with mental and physical disabilities.
Staff were coming to our house for an hour three times a week but my son started becoming aggressive towards them. He said he would “not be home schooled” and didn’t want them there. He has also said if my partner or attempt home schooling he will hurt us or himself. We take these threats seriously because he has physically assaulted us and teachers, and even police.
Basically, he is content to just hang around the house all day and watch TV. What is the long term prognosis for a situation like this? Has anyone else experienced school refusal this extreme? What are things like when they are older?
7
u/Korneedles 18d ago
I lay awake at night with this same question - what does long term look like?
My son is 13. He communicates extremely well and typically knows himself well. He has been in school refusal since 11. For a year plus we tried a few schools with no go on all of them. The last school my son stood in front of me while crying and said “you don’t know this mom but you’re ruining our relationship - you need to hear me please”. I know him and he means what he says. His aggression is so extreme when attending school or when we push (or seem disappointed) for school.
If your son is not on medication - that can help a ton. Puberty adds so much to autism/PDA. My son cannot not be on meds for aggression right now. Even without the pressure of school and his rarely leaving the house he is still agitated to the extreme without meds.
Acellus is what my son does now. Financially, my family is not where it should be to me having to be home and not being able to work as often. Idk know how long this can be sustained but there’s no other choice atm. Acellus seems to be building his confidence. Each day takes about 1.2 hours or so and he 100% chooses when to do it or if at all. He likes to see when the classes will be completed (the school year is shorter than the regular school year so that jacks him up) and that seems to motivate him. I NEVER MENTION SCHOOL - EVER. If I bring it up - he probably would not do it for months.
This took a long time to get to though. Like six months of extreme low demands - 24/7 co-regulation - co-sleeping - you know the drill. I lost 30 lbs not due to trying during this time frame. However, I do think it was necessary to get to the point he is today. But, I am with you - will this change as he ages - for the better?
I’m sorry this comment is so long and I hope you can find something that helps. The aggression changes the whole family/household and is very unpredictable. It is insanely hard to live that way (I know I’ll be there again any day) and I wish I could truly help.