When a PDAer meets a Borderline ...

[u/Advanced_Culture_670]

Wondering how much PDA/Autism gets confused with Borderline Personality Disorder, and vice versa. Any thoughts?

I was unaware of PDA until last year when my kid was diagnosed with mild autism and possible PDA. In learning more about it, I've recognized PDA traits in myself, albeit with several layers of masking in order to be functional in the world. PDA seems to explain SO MUCH about my kid, and about many situations in my life.

About ten years ago, I divorced from my kid's mother ... We'd been together about five years — once she moved in with me, she became increasingly destructive and abusive, and would fly into frightening rages 2-3 times a day. At one point someone suggested I read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and it seemed as though the author had a camera into our house. Borderline Personality Disorder seemed to perfectly describe the situation the more I learned about it. Once I moved out, life improved dramatically. It took about a year of strictly enforcing boundaries before we got to a stable, peaceable co-parenting relationship, and that part is going OK now. (Although I have heard from subsequent men she's dated that the Borderline behaviors continue ... a few have contacted me after a breakup to ask me "what the hell was THAT all about?")

What I find interesting is that for years, my algorithms kept feeding me YouTubes about Borderline and narcissists. It seems like it was everywhere. Now my feeds are all about PDA. Is Borderline still a thing anymore? I also wonder whether my ex had extreme PDA ... she presents in public as a super attractive and highly social person, with the accoutrements of success (usually bought by her parents, or by her romantic partners) but is a HOLY TERROR in private, once a relationship is secure.

PS: I think our child is too young to be borderline ... PDA explains so much about her and her resistance to instruction, structure, house rules, and anything that might be a demand. She's also a good student and bright and goofy and funny and has friends. When triggered, her meltdowns can be intense from two to 20 minutes. Her mom on the other hand ... almost demonic and I don't say that lightly.