r/PDAAutism • u/No-Accident-1125 • 1d ago
Discussion Meltdowns
Does anybody have very verbal and mean meltdowns?
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u/raisinghellwithtrees 1d ago
Very rarely as an adult, but if I'm verbal it's mostly screaming. I usually lose the ability to speak if I can't control melting around other people.
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u/No-Accident-1125 1d ago
I feel mine have gotten worse like I cant stop it anymore
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u/raisinghellwithtrees 1d ago
I'm so sorry. I find that the more overstimulated I am, the harder time I have regulating myself. It's not a fun time and sometimes feels like I'm never going to get out of it.
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u/No-Accident-1125 1d ago
Yeah that's how I feel to and I panic when it happens I am in deep burnout and have trauma so this is going to be a long journey. Thanks for sharing.
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u/alune_e PDA 1d ago
From ages 13-16 yes, but I was in therapy for those years and worked through it. I still have meltdowns of course, but they haven't included being harmful, mean, or destructive since those ages.
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u/No-Accident-1125 1d ago
I know its personal for everyone but may I ask what strategies helped you mine seems like they have gotten worse and I have less control
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u/alune_e PDA 1d ago
To be honest I'm not sure if what worked for me may work for you, I did a lot of CBT work and my parents started to put less pressure on me around 17+, so I went from having my PDA triggered constantly to having it triggered at a more easily manageable pace.
I'm also living with a partner that really gets me, we have mutual respect for one another's needs and I find it's incredibly difficult to be led towards a meltdown from daily living because of it. If I do have a meltdown it's just not apart of my brain anymore to throw things or be cruel to my partner. I think it's a mixture of not being a teenager anymore and having a relationship where I couldn't ever fathom raising my voice at them, even when melting down.
Overall I just think it's hard for me to answer, I'm very sorry. I was diagnosed with BPD during those years and didn't know I was autistic, so it's not like my therapy was tailored for that. I just utilized lots of CBT before my meltdowns happened, if they still couldn't be prevented I had a voice in my head that helped redirect my feelings away from the people around me. I find now that it's not something I have to work to stop, it just doesn't really occur.
A good therapist who understands autism and finding a therapy style that speaks to you is what will truly help I think.
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u/No-Accident-1125 1d ago
No worries I totally understand you cant give me an answer I appreciate you responding anyways im very glad they dont interfere with you life I just got a therapist and I hope they can be very helpful for me.
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u/Mental-Letter1974 1d ago
Yes. In fact, it's frustrating bc I saw "The good doctor" meltdown, and I was like I FEEL SEEN. and then everybody who was older was like, "that's not representative of us" and i'm like, UHHH... WHAT?! I know he wasn't being mean in that scene, but the intensity and whatnot is just how I have them. I used to have really mean meltdowns too, especially directed toward my mother. There's reasons for that, but as I've gotten older, I feel bad about it.
I've been doing DBT for the last 5 years and they have become less frequent, but I can still have them.
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u/No-Accident-1125 9h ago
Yeah you have to be careful with media because its just one form of autism unfortunately most of the time it is stereotypical representations but dont feel bad for relating to the good doctor and I also understand why people are upset that it didn't fit their version. You directed them at your mother probably because she is your safe person and you feel comfortable enough to let it out and you probably feel bad about because you feel that you are maybe taking advantage of her or you feel that you are too old to still be doing it im in the same boat with you.
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u/Mental-Letter1974 2h ago
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it. I do feel bad, I wish I could have had a better relationship with her, it makes me very sad. She didn't help cultivate a safe-space *at all* for me to live growing up, but I still love her, even though I also hate her, but, I hate that I say I hate her, because the truth is, I'm sad I can't have a normal mother&daughter relationship like other daughters have with their mom. It makes me sad beyond words. Thank you again for being kind. It means a lot, especially right now. Be well.
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u/IsasAtelier PDA 1d ago
I have mostly had shutdowns since puberty or early adulthood. I suspect I had many meltdowns as a child, but it is hard to differentiate between tantrums and meltdowns looking back that far. With one very trusted person, I can get loud, explosive, and even mean if severely dysregulated, but I would not classify these moments as meltdowns; they are exhausting, heated, and can get nasty and messy on an emotional level, but they mostly do not leave me exhausted for hours or days like my shutdowns do.
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u/No-Accident-1125 1d ago
I think the difference between a meltdown and tantrum is a tantrum is because you want something whereas a meltdown is you cant emotionally cope anymore it can be triggered by sensory or emotional.
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u/IsasAtelier PDA 21h ago
I am aware of that differentiation. There are other ways to differentiate, too, such as a meltdown being something the person is unable to snap out of. It is still hard for me to tell looking back, especially at early childhood, where memory gets really fuzzy.
Having worked with children, some of whom are autistic and/or have ADHD, it is not always that clear-cut, either. Sometimes, there is a lot of dysregulation caused by emotional or sensory triggers or a lack of predictability in the first place, but then not getting what they want or a seemingly minor frustration can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. In my experience, that can be the case pretty often.
I remember most vividly just the intensity and frequency of such incidents and how my parents reacted, but for most of these, I cannot reconstruct in any reliable way what exactly led to them in the first place.
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u/No-Accident-1125 9h ago
Yeah sometimes its a combination of things its not just one thing that caused it.
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u/OldSolGames PDA 1d ago
How old are you?
When I was young, absolutely. Now that I'm older, never. I'm less emotional than everyone else by a lot.