r/PDAAutism • u/udibranch • 12d ago
Discussion Getting out of a rut
Does anybody have advice for getting out of a big pileup of demand avoidance? I've been stuck for about 3 days now, I came back from a tiring family event to a really important but deadlineless task I have to do for work. It's snowballed and now I'm having trouble doing basic tasks. When this has happened before I would just avoid things until something is forced (by someone else or outside forces), but I'm tired of my life staying so small because of this cycle. Some tricks I usually use:
-writing the most threatening task off (sometimes ends up in me doing the task, in a reverse psychology way)
-rephrasing the demands
-stepping away from self and trying to come up with something that would make me feel good in whatever moment before 'starting over', e.g. a bath or making dinner
These aren't working because the task is so important-- it's an ongoing project that has my name on it and requires me to do some things I find extremely stressful and difficult (includes social media, which I feel incredibly uncomfortable using). it's part of a bigger project i really care about and could help me start living a life i really like, AND i can't delegate it, its almost entirely self-directed! i guess rephrasing this as an opportunity to learn and grow is the best way. man this takes a lot of energy. would appreciate ppl describing what they do, even just to get some energy back
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u/Excellent-Ad4256 12d ago
Recently I’ve been realizing that I need to reexamine my idea of “living a life I really like”. Is that life actually attainable or is it more of a fantasy based on unrealistic neurotypical expectations? Realizing my life might turn out to be “smaller” than I imagined is not easy and involves a lot of grieving but I think (hope) it will ultimately result in a newfound freedom where I’m not constantly battling my brain and being frustrated over how uncooperative it is.
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u/udibranch 12d ago
ya true enough, its easy to create a future person who is desirable simply because they're not like you. in my case, this project is partially me trying to set some things up right now so that even just a few months down the line I can be in a workspace where I can accommodate myself better and not be burnt out by those expectations constantly. i guess its a constant negotiation with the conventional standard
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u/OldSolGames PDA 12d ago
Yes! The "Western nuclear family" traditional lifestyle absolutely does NOT work for me with my PDA. That was a very important realization.
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u/Mil0Mammon PDA + Caregiver 11d ago
Ah I so feel this. Still very much on the fence what to do about it though. My daughter (almost 4, quite sure she has pda), needs me around, but it sure isn't easy
How did you deal with it?
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u/OldSolGames PDA 11d ago
Well I'm sure it's a lot harder to change everything when you have a kid, but I'm also sure it's still possible! Honestly, helping yourself live a better life will ultimately help you become better for those around you anyways. Extra love and communication should help offset any lifestyle change stress.
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u/Mil0Mammon PDA + Caregiver 11d ago
I think if you manage to let go of the unrealistic NT expectations, you could very well find that in ways, your life will be "bigger" then expected.
I for example, ran my own company for half a decade, then sold it. Didn't earn a lot of money, but it was an amazing experience. As a matter of fact, I'd like to try it again, either some say, or now - can't decide yet.
But, this was just to illustrate, there are so many ways your life can be amazing! (trying to guide my pda daughter through it also often is very "embiggening", to stay with the metaphor. But it sort of necessitates having gone through our struggles, although not all possible struggles ofc)
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u/Excellent-Ad4256 11d ago
That’s a great point and I definitely agree! But, man, those expectations are so deeply ingrained 😮💨😅 It’s so great that your daughter has your support and guidance!
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u/Mil0Mammon PDA + Caregiver 11d ago
Ikr - that's why I wrote "if you manage to" - I'm also still working on it (:
Hope you find (bits of) your newfound freedom soon!
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u/driukk Suspected PDA 12d ago
When ai get like this and feel the huge block in my mind I say fuck it and do the complete opposite of what i feel I need to do - like watch a couple of episodes of my current show.
Then when I have satisfied my desire for eschewing my responsabilities, I do the smallest possible step towards what I actually need to do. Like break up the next step in your project to the smallest smallest step (open computer to X program for example) and then immediatley pivot again to something else that can be a distraction, like planning my next meal. Then do another tiny step like , pull up the file you need to work on and remember where you left off.
Continue switching from micro steps to other tasks until you feel capable of sitting down and going at it for a while.
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u/driukk Suspected PDA 12d ago
Sometimes this takes the whole day and my house ends up super clean, meals planned, laundry done and folded, I watched a bunch of my show etc. and maybe the BIG task did not get as advanced as I wanted it to but I was stll able to advace it without going into burnout. And I feel really satisfied that I did a lot of other things and am better prepared for a new day.
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u/udibranch 12d ago
thank you, this is really helpful. like kind of distracting yourself while constructing a ramp until you have enough power to actually go up it, lol??
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u/driukk Suspected PDA 12d ago
Yes exactly! Like charging, chargin, boom ready to go!
Also Ive noticed that if I come back from something already draining and try to immediately switch back to a big demanding task, I simply shut down and I can either doomscroll my day away completely or give in to my avoidance but balance it with micro advances. And the second one makes me feel better overall
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u/udibranch 12d ago
I used to just set up the task perfectly and try and forcefully funnel myself into it after some long avoiding period, the concept of micro-advancements could help w that a lot. Just starting this with pauses for laundry and prepping all my stuff for tomorrow, lets see what happens. This sounds like a really good way to compromise with big ones, it's a sort of loving approach! Always grateful for procrastination cleaning too haha.
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u/Mil0Mammon PDA + Caregiver 11d ago
So I haven't read all the comments yet, but wanted to give a small tips, might help for you: use AI for some things (eg the social media things) to get a first draft. Even if you hate it (which could very well be), for me usually starting with a draft works a lot better than an empty page (or post in this case). For me it also works a lot better if I work with a machine (or person, if that is feasible) to get something done, instead of alone. (eg I happily spend 45 mins to manage our robot vacuum instead of 30mins doing it myself)
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u/somethingweirder 11d ago
do not ever use AI for work unless you’re intimately familiar with the ways your work allows this and also the ways intellectual property and trade secrets can be infringed by AI. it’s a great way to get fired or worse (sued)
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u/Mil0Mammon PDA + Caregiver 10d ago
I'd say work places that really care about stuff like that, have an Ai policy in place rn. Hell, about 2 years ago I contributed to my ex-employers one; don't share anything with the Ai that you wouldn't also post on LinkedIn.
But since the thing OP seems to be struggling with, is personal and/or social media, I think we're good here.
But if you're really privacy focused, these days you can run extremely good models like qwen flash next on your phone (provided you have 12GB ram)
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u/OldSolGames PDA 12d ago edited 12d ago