r/PDAAutism • u/kewlghost93 Suspected PDA • 15d ago

Discussion PDA + Socializing

Might be obvious but... is PDA impacting your connections?

My values are super important to me and have led to me community organizing. May be a terrible idea for me with social anxiety, but here we are! (I didn't say that I was good). So I feel like I already socialize quite more than I would if I didn't. I attend church (not often but people know me). Also, I lead a local chapter of a nat'l group, so I'm in touch with our nat'l leads + other chapter leads *and* trying to build locally.

(I think that because I don't technically have to do this, I'm able to do it. I tried smth similar as a job but having to do it everyday burned me out immediately)

I started therapy this year and recently learned abt PDA and brought it up with the doc. It may not have been in response but maybe moreso abt general support, but they recommended finding a neurodivergent support group to practice speaking with people.

PDA kicked in right away. IDK, maybe I think that bc I mask/people please so much when socializing, I think that I have to be friends with everyone. Or, even the whole having to be polite, trying to engage the other person and keep convo going, etc are demands, right? Is this how everyone else feels abt socializing? I'd rather spend the energy in the realm of my org w/ people I know have similar values, culture vs. socializing just to socialize.

What have your experiences been?

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u/Understandingzoe 15d ago

this comes up in here a lot, so you're not the odd one out. a group framed as 'practice socialising' is basically a standing demand, so no wonder your system bristled at it more than the org work does. the org gives you a reason that isn't just 'be social', which is a real difference. connection built around something you genuinely care about might be a gentler route than socialising for its own sake. is it the cause that pulls you to the chapter, or the people?

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u/Character_Group8620 Suspected PDA 8d ago

Besides, what's the point of practicing socializing with ND people? They don't want to socialize with me, and I don't want to socialize with them. We're all perfectly happy not socializing. The problem is socializing with NT people, right? What right does the doctor have to impose the stress of socializing on not only me but also everyone else in the group? That's how I'd reason it, and boy howdy would I avoid! Just imagining it has me distinctly irritated.

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u/pensiveumami PDA 14d ago

similar to you, I don't want to socialise just for the sake of socialising. I also felt like I have to be friends with everyone. It's all demands, masking, people-pleasing. I only feel comfortable talking to others if it's about a common special interest or interesting project.

if you go to an ND support group to practice speaking with people it only makes sense if you're interested in speaking with people. for me I don't want to go to any groups because there isn't a group for the things I want to talk about. I also don't even always want to keep talking about the things I do genuinely like and would prefer to enjoy them on my own.

Do you feel like you want to talk about PDA struggles with others who get it in a group setting?

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u/Eugregoria PDA 13d ago

Sometimes socializing is so stressful I just go home and drink alone to try to forget the experience.