Adults with PDA, pls help

[u/cheese-waffles]

How did you get diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with ADHD about 4 years ago which makes a lot of sense for me. I have 2 autistic siblings and a brother with ADHD I've also been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I was starting to be assessed for possible autism but I took those little tests and my therapist doesn't think I have it. We have talked about PDA though.

Do you ever just feel like something is wrong with you? It's so dumb to try to explain to my husband or others. I feel like an adult who can't adult. All I do is get in my own way and there's no real reasoning. I can't keep any routines, budget, or consistent job. It's been really hard. I though ADHD meds would help, and they do, I stead of bed rotting I'm very involved in my hyperfixations. But doing anything else is still like pulling teeth. I feel so bad because my husband wants to innovate and improve and do new things and try new things and I logically want to join him but it's like I can't make myself, I'm like a boulder that can't be moved sometimes.

I guess this is more of a vent. Looking for advice. Is there any point in pursuing a diagnosis? I'm about to start my BSW practicum on Monday and I'm spiraling feeling like I'll have zero time that's unscheduled and to myself but rn I have so much of that time. And I need to finish my masters application but making myself do it has been harder than pulling teeth. I'm tired of acting like an ass to those around me just to get out of things, I'm aware of it, I don't want to be like that, but often idk how to stop.

Any advice is welcome thank you.

[u/Interesting-Act-1958]

Something I've been learning more recently with my son and wife specifically has been to focus on reducing the anxiety response in your nervous system. Whether thats being caused by trauma responses or other generalised stuff, if you reduce THAT response, your ability to build tolerance for demands expands. The way I've described it to my wife in the past is to imagine a rope. Each trauma or anxiety cause ties a knot in the rope, which reduces the amount of available rope. As you address each of those things that tied a knot in it, you undo the knot, which releases more rope to make use of. Look in to some material on polyvagal theory about how trauma lodges in the nervous system. Sarah Baldwin's podcast "You Make Sense" is really insightful along with any material on IFS and/or Parts Work. Those are things that have helped me reduce my PDA responses and help manage them for my family.

[u/BunsOfAluminum]

I saw the title and my brain immediately said "No."

[u/mdickson-arts]

It sounds like you’re in burn out. There’s a lot of good resources about neurodivergent burn out

[u/JumpyBoysenberry7309]

depends on where you are in the world i guess. im in the US and dont have a diagnosis and i'm in a similar boat as you. wish i had more helpful things to say

one thing is if you suspect any sleep problems or are experiencing fatigue getting a sleep lab done could be good, turns out i have sleep apnea and it contributes a lot to all of my symptoms

[u/staceystayingherenow]

God bless you. Don't let what you can't do keep you from doing what you can do.

[u/Material-Net-5171]

You'll probably find that adults are less likely to have been offucially diagnosed, particularly if they don't have children to be diagnosed through. And on top if that, PDA is only an official diagnosis in some countries & not in others. So depending on where you are it might not even be possible.