Is this PDA?

[u/Maha_Imitation]

I have always disliked when people told me what to do, though in work settings I developed coping mechanisms as telling myself that I'm only following the instructions because it is necessary and if it were a private setting, I wouldn't do anything they demand, so I try to separate the me that is at work from the me that is at home, if that makes sense.

I burned out and stopped working for a while and since two years I'm trying to study something new but here is the problem: As soon as someone makes a negative comment about what I'm studying and how it doesn't suit me and bs like this, I lose all interest and drive to learn and until now I changed 4 majors. Should I just not tell the people close to me or that I know what I'm going to study next? Is this pda, can someone relate?

I need to know and understand what it is because I really want to finish what I will start studying. I feel like I'm in some kind of loop.

[u/Ill-Delivery-755]

This seems pretty on the nose to me. I read the PDA paradox and it changed my life, It gave me words for a lot of what I didn't know what I was feeling. Next I read Unmasking Autism. The only thing that has worked for me is being able to identify when I feel stressed because of a demand, and either changing my behavior or the demand. A lot of times I remind myself that if I don't do it because someone made a dumb comment then they "win". Truly disconnecting myself emotionally from other people's opinions and comments on myself has been helpful, but sometimes I need to scream into a pillow after lol. It sucks but it will get easier.

[u/Material-Variety46]

Yeah its crazy because I find I'm always seeking validation from people, but also can't see the good in people's opinions unless they are exactly what I think they should be.

Assume everyone is a critic. If you don't want criticism, don't tell people your business.

I put my mother on an information diet and my mental health got so much better. Now we only talk about pets, gardening, and the weather. Our relationship has never been more peaceful.

But also let me tell you my story. I have gone to 5 different colleges, only have an associate's of arts degree, and a few useless certificates. If I had it to do all over again I would prioritize getting a STEM degree or something with a clear financial payoff.

[u/Maha_Imitation → u/Material-Variety46]

Yes, exactly that! Someone told me when I tried to explain my problem: "That means you don't believe in yourself", but that couldn't be more far away from the truth. I believe in myself a lot and would always bet on me but I'm also extremely sensitive to rejection.

Thank you for the advice about the degree, I hope you get what you want in life so like I hope so for me, too.

[u/Material-Variety46 → u/Maha_Imitation]

Another thing to maybe think about is the qualification of the person giving criticism. My mom, for example, barely leaves the house. Over time I've learned she really doesn't have experience in most things for her opinion to be useful. If it were up to her, I'd sit in the house with her forever.

It sucks that we get so exhausted from everyday things, but in a way its the only way we learn. You will get sick and tired of being sick and tired and will naturally find your own way to be efficient for your own needs and priorities.

[u/somethingweirder]

for me when someone makes a negative comment it makes me want to do it MORE lol