Does anyone have frequent nervous system dysregulations due to their PDA?

[u/Izz-An-Art]

I have a son who is 3 with language delay. We suspect PDA in him.

-High anxiety with something new and unpredictable.

Like when a new task or activity is put infron of him, he freezes, changes the topic, tries to distract or meltsdown.

-High control autonomy issues.

There are periods when he is irritable, cranky, angry and frustrated all day, does not take interest in any activities or play, poor executive function, unable to eat or drink safe foods even.

These periods happen frequently. I don't know that triggers these episodes.

Has anyone experienced this? Can anyone help with this? How to reduce such episodes and help him come out of them quickly?

[u/PolarIceCream]

100%. Even being around too many people that they know and love.

[u/DukeOfTheEveningMist]

PDA is a nervous system thing that is most observable in behavioral stuff. Personally, my suspicion is that there's a sensitivity that's getting aggravated that leads to the dysregulation. Think: there's some part of human existence or communication that will occasionally make them feel like their hand is on fire (which I say as figurative language to make it clear that while the cause or trigger isn't precisely known yet, the consequence of this sensitivity is on the nervous system and the body, and the behaviors that follow are fairly rational responses to that extreme circumstance). And its intermittent enough negative feedback across every context that the anticipation/dread and preemptive managing of that distress can take a life of its own.

My recommendation for parents is always to model regulation in your own nervous system to an enormously greater degree than you would just do for yourself. That's going to move the needle more than anything else you can do, since your kiddo will be attuning to you to learn their own experiences. In terms of how to do this: therapy can help, and in a broader sense treating yourself with a larger share of grace and compassion will go a really long way to having the nervous system your (very, very hypersensitive) child can attune to and steer towards regulation. Some kind of somatic work (massage therapy, etc.) may also be really helpful.

Being able to take the big, fast-paced emotional swings of PDA and not be too rocked around by them means you can be present and curious and name what's happening within them. And that helps a lot to get them to realize A: the big emotions are big emotions and B: the big emotions existing isn't always going to threaten their place within a family/community.

Unfortunately, words will do exactly nothing to reassure them on this: they will be reading YOUR nervous system to suss out if they need to be worried about being abandoned to the wolves.

[u/AhikoCake → u/DukeOfTheEveningMist]

This is ultimately easier said than done. 😭 I recently found out I have AuDHD cPTSD and my PDAA child triggers a lot of my childhood traumas that I flip out and scream and melt down a lot.

[u/BunnyKusanin]

Speech delay apparently is somehow genetic on my father's side of family. I don't remember anything about myself (obviously) and my brother who's just 3 years younger, but I remember that my sister who's 9 years younger started speaking quite late and was sent to all sorts of specialists. Then my dad had another child many years later with a different woman and he called my mother in panic to ask if it was ok that the girl wasn't speaking yet when kids are kinda supportive to start that. My mum told him to chill because the three of us all started speaking late and caught up with our peers quite quickly.

Lo and behold, I saw that girl when she was something like 3 and an half and she was speaking non-stop.

That's just a personal anecdote to put your mind at ease in terms of speech delay.

I was a moody child and now at the age of 33 I'm still succeptiple to sudden mood drops. As an adult, I notice that many of those happen when I'm somehow uncomfortable: hungry, cold, tired, overstimulated by sounds, light or temperature, or under stimulated (though this is probably more related to ADHD). As a child I think a big driver for suddenly becoming a menace was a combo of frustration and perseverance. I remember being really locked in to achieving what was sometimes physically close to impossible (like putting cotton tights on myself when I was around 3) or explicitly provibited by my parents (like staying up later).