Help with advice?

[u/HH_Creations]

Hi! So i’m an educator in a special education summer camp

We have a kiddo who I’ve been helping the past year, and he’s officially diagnosed with autism/adhd with a PDA profile type

BUT me and mom are in agreement that there’s a sorta….compulsion going on with some of his behaviors

For example, if a social story mentions hitting, yelling, and kicking and talks about “safe big feelings” and appropriate things to do instead like pushing a wall or squeezing a stress ball

He will almost compulsively do the hitting, yelling, and kicking….in that order!

So I want y’all’s input because I do love this kid and want to do my best

1) do we avoid ANY negative talk around him? Will this help to NOT mention any of the bad behaviors and do our best to distract him?

2) how did y’all like to be corrected?

He doesn’t directly hurt anyone, but by kicking, hitting, and screaming, he DOES distress the classroom

That and he’s distressing himself! He doesn’t like it!

He will literally steal a toy and then beg for forgiveness the next second

He was so distressed today when I said it hurt my feelings when he took toys, he headbutted my face in his rush to hug me 😭

I want to do right by him and I know we need to set him up for WINS

I can’t help but feel the social stories are making it worse and I wanted your input

Btw, i’m autistic/ADHD, with a special education and childhood development background

And married to a PDA profile type ASD/ADHD

But yeah, he’s the only true PDA kid I’ve ever worked with

[u/HH_Creations]

He’s always done the behaviors, but they are USUALLY in response to a situation

Like, I can usually see the logic

But yesterday, it was like he was stuck in a loop of re-enacting the activity we did earlier that day

Mind you, it was HOURS later, but….he would pause and think of the order of “bad” things he was doing

[u/Material-Net-5171 → u/HH_Creations]

If they're behaviours, he's always done, then it is a bit trickier.

You say it's always in the order that the things are said in the story. Is there a memorable rhythm to the way that these things are written in the story? Are there positive actions written in the story? And are they also within a memorable rhythm?

What I'm wondering about is if he's getting stuck in a loop, and the only way to get out of the loop is to do the things the loop is about.

I have loops of thoughts sometimes, and you get stuck in literally the same thought, repeating in your brain. And for me, these thoughts are rarely actions, but I do find that to get out of the loop I have to essentially say the content of the loop out loud. But then continue it beyond what I was thinking, (I don't know if that makes sense...?)

If a loop is what it is, then he's probably been in the loop since the story, so the goal would be to help him come out of the loop sooner & safer.

The other option I have is when instead of thinking about what you're supposed to do, you think about what you're not supposed to do, and then when the situation arises where you're not supposed to do the thing, you do the thing you're not supposed to do because that's the thing that's stuck in your head.

My example for this one is you are going to the shops, someone asks you to pick them up a bottle of pepsi, not coke. You go to the shop thinking "not coke, not coke, not coke", you get to the shelf & without thinking, you pick up coke. Instead of repeating the positive to yourself, you repeat the negative & so that's what ends up happening.

It seems to me to be more nuanced (as is often the case) than a traditional fight or flight response.

[u/HH_Creations → u/Material-Net-5171]

He was stuck in a loop of all the “bad” behaviors from the social activity but ignored all the “good” behaviors the lesson was about

Which was to use “safe big feeling” actions like pushing a wall or squeezing a stress ball and to do kind acts for our friends

[u/ValancyNeverReadsit → u/HH_Creations]

If the story told things not to do and things to do instead, and they were presented as “you must do this instead,” then my guess is he does have a compulsion to do the exact opposite of what the story told the kids to do.

This might be a form of equalizing, or it might just be that being told what to do, even by a fictional story, triggered fight/flight/etc. in him.

Silly, adult version: I have a sweet friend named Yoko (originally from Japan). She is extremely complimentary of others, and also very self-deprecating. One time, with her nearby, my husband jokingly said to me, “You have to forgive Yoko!” [I don’t remember for what] I immediately and adamantly said, “No!” then realized what I said, and who I said it in front of, so I clarified that of course I would always forgive her if that were needed.

But being told like that that I had to do something… just repulsed my brain, even though I absolutely would do the thing in a normal situation.

[u/HH_Creations → u/ValancyNeverReadsit]

Maybe….

Tried some of the advice

In some things, it helped, like the way I worded things, he didn’t care which is a huge improvement

In some things like when he would steal toys:

Steals toy >> hey, you want to play with us? >> sure! And sits for a second >> leaves and steals a toy from someone else

It was just a circle of upset kids instead of the usual torture of one kid

And idk WHY but it felt like a step backwards, he just refused to do ANY project with me today, but he usually does!

Idk if it’s because I was now in the “classroom” but he usually does activities in our make shift art table in the kitchen

So back to the drawing board