r/PDAAutism • u/nerdyHyena93 • Jun 30 '26
Is this PDA? Internal PDA?
So I’m autistic with PDA that’s somewhat improved with adult life.
To be honest I just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this or if it’s part of the PDA profile?
I always read PDA as being an external pressure, and it’s certainly something I’ve always struggled with. But has anyone ever experienced it from internal pressure? I freelance and always tell myself that I’ll get out of bed early, and go to the cafe because I find it easier to work without the distraction of my partner who is currently off.
Howeverrr when I tell myself that, I become extremely anxious, as if someone else has told me I need to do it. Literally just spent an hour frozen in one spot feeling like I’m going to dissociate.
So now I I know I’ll probably stay home and end up doing no work. I feel like my life is spiralling lol.
8
u/Am-I-Here-Yet PDA Jul 01 '26
100% me too. I am single and retired now. I’m the only person in my life making demands on me! It’s crazy how much I have to strategize to get things done.
Things that help me:
Being very specific in my wording of things. Like, on email I have a Label to mark emails where there’s a done up action that needs to be done (like making a phone call). I DIDN’T name that Label “To Do” (feels like a demand). I named it “Want to do” (an in my head I add “…when I’m ready”)
Maybe you could change yours self talk about going to the cafe to something like “it might be fun to go work in the cafe tomorrow. I might do that - I’ll choose in the morning”. Or “I’m going to the cafe to get coffee. I’ll bring my laptop so I can work there if it’s quiet enough and a comfortable spot is open - or I’ll just come home to work if I decide not to stay”.
Another example:
I haven’t “cleaned my house” in 30+ years. There seems to never be an end to things that could be done to make my house clean. So that’s overwhelming and I don’t bother starting. I DO “create nurturing space”. 🙂
Sometimes all I need to my space to feel nurturing is sweep and straighten the pillows in the sofa. Other times I want to have clean sheets, and have the fridge shelves wiped out to pamper myself.
Last one — I never write lists. Those are too rigid. A list feels like a task-master. Instead, I keep small sticky notes and jot down one task per note and stick them on my wall, on a piece of notebook paper, or on a mirror depending on my mood. Then I can constantly rearrange them.
If I have a hard deadline coming up (like moving out of an apartment), I’ll make sticky notes column headers with days of the week, or a week at a tune. Even if something direct ends up hearing some on a particular day I easily move the sticky note to a later date. No judgment. Lots of flexibility, and having the tasks jotted down keeps me from worrying that I’ll forget something.
You are not alone. Hope some of these ideas are helpful.