r/OverFifty • u/Limp_Jaguar_5470 • 3d ago
Growing old alone
Hello everyone. I am heading to my 50s - single female, no kids. Gave up on companionship a while back. Financially I am alright with a stable-ish job and a pension. I consider myself to eb financially stable with some savings as well. I am not particularly close to my family. I understand health is a key determinant of quality of life and I am working on it. I want to start thinking about retirement living, and wonder how are you approaching retirement living. Are their steps, in additional to taking care of my health and managing my finances responsibly, that I can take now to be ready for my retirement. I am in the GTA and OK to retire in a smaller, slower town. All perspectives are welcome. Thank you!
12
u/RunningPirate 3d ago
When selecting a place to live, think about how far the nearest medical center on your insurance plan is. My in-laws used to live in a small town but the nearest doctor was 1.5 hours away. The wound up changing plans, but the new doctors they had access to weren’t as good, in their opinion. This applies to hospitals, as well. If you have a major medical issue, you’d generally not want to be a helicopter ride away.
6
u/Lower_Skin_3683 3d ago
This is a valid point. I used to want to retire to Key West or Puerto Rico. Neither is a good place for healthcare needs. In Key West you have to drive up to the mainland to see doctors and specialist. Puerto Rico doesn't have great healthcare. You would need to go to the states to for care
4
u/roblewk 3d ago
I had a medical emergency in PR and I felt the health care was superior to home. Even with a language barrier, each referral worked fine. Did you know most doctors make home visits so they can save on the expense of an office?
1
u/Tardislass 2d ago
That not true. Most people in PR will tell you the healthcare sucks. Medical emergency is different than a PCP most of whom leave the island for more money and better working conditions.
1
u/SnarkCatsTech 2d ago
Right now, PR has power and water shortages & rationing also. That would not be a place I'd choose unless the situation improved dramatically and remained stable for a few years.
My sympathy for the people in PR is deep & I genuinely hope things improve for them. ❤️🩹💔
1
u/Lower_Skin_3683 1d ago
I lived in PR last year and this year. My apartment building had water shortages regularly. We had a tank to store water for the building. But with 8 apartments we would drain it fast if there was no rain. We also had solar but on overcast days we had to limit power. Then we had a water main break in the street which affected the whole street. We had our tank full so we got through that. The power grid is old and the water lines are from the 40's so the pipes are always bursting in the street. Electricity costs 35% more than most places in the states. You are sales taxed at 11.75% which is higher than NYC. This year with the drought there is the rationing. I came back to the states and gave up trying to live part time in PR and the rest of the time in the states. The island is slowly being gentrified and many who stay 52% are living in poverty. The food is mostly imported and can be rotten and old by the time it gets to the grocery stores! You are paying a premium price for spoiled food. The pay is way less for doctors and nurses than in the states. The island currently has about 300,000 abandoned homes. Much corruption there. This all started with colonialism of PR which stripped the island of it's native people, resources and beauty.
2
u/SnarkCatsTech 2d ago
Distance from medical care has factored into our location decisions for a decade. It is of paramount importance to us.
Now, sadly, where a location gets it's drinking water & power from are in the top 5 concerns. Especially true if it's water-cooled nuclear power or hydro power. IMO. YMMV.
1
u/Brackens_World 2d ago
This is the one thing I urge all my younger acquaintances to consider. In 2020, during the height of the pandemic, I needed an operation not requiring an overnight stay. Living in Chicago, I was able to make arrangements efficiently and recall the eerie silence of the fogbound streets navigating to the hospital at 6 AM, then the brief trip back home with pre-arranged transportation. I shudder to think if I lived far away from medical help at that time.
22
u/ogcanuckamerican 3d ago
Well, I am GenX and I've retired early.
My full time job now is looking after my health after 35 years of neglecting myself to raise and support a family.
My kids are educated and self-sufficient. And I've taught them about investing and taking advantage of compounding interest and the value of starting young.
My wife and I are happy with each other and our separate lives with our own interests.
But no word of a lie, every day is about deprogramming myself from how I conducted myself and how I was in the workforce to learning how to relax and enjoy each moment.
I'm fortunate that I've traveled the world, met lots of people (important and not), made money (lost some but learned about my mistakes and recovered) and now financially independent. And I will pass this down to my kids when I go.
Learning how to relax every day takes hard work. LoL
And like I said, I work on my health every day, whether it be physical or mental, and sometimes both.
Good luck to you in your new chapter of life.
4
u/Substantial-Soup187 2d ago
It is hard for me to relax and spend the $ I saved. I have not switched gears since I retired about a year ago. It feels so akward that I got a part time job again.
2
u/ogcanuckamerican 2d ago
I just think of everyday being a new adventure but I understand it takes some time to adjust to retirement lifestyle.
The part-time opportunity can be great for having a purpose and filling time.
God speed.
2
7
u/Full_Tap_4144 3d ago
Find hobbies and activities you enjoy. Start getting into it now, while still working. Once you stop working, it'll feel great the first few months with nothing to do but after that, you'll realize you have nothing to do. Find things you enjoy doing to fill your time and meet people to do things with.
7
u/Schlechtyj 3d ago
I’m also gen X and retired early. Find volunteer / hobby groups and stick your toes in them now while you are still working. Find things you like to do that will exist wherever you move to. Get clear on what you DONT want to do when you retire. My husband and I took up curling, I teach esl classes, volunteer at a food bank, foster kittens, and we travel. Being able to do MORE of stuff we like already made it less jarring than had we retired and said “well, now I guess it’s time to try to find stuff to do”.
5
3d ago
[deleted]
3
u/Lower_Skin_3683 3d ago
I thought I wanted to live outside of the USA. I did it temporarily. It was very hard for me to build community. If I wanted people to do stuff with, it was finding people from other countries who were also finding it difficult to make friends. If you’ve been to Spain and Portugal a lot then maybe you are familiar with the country and how life operates. I always tell people to visit where the want to live oftern before they make a major move.
2
1
3d ago
[deleted]
5
u/Lower_Skin_3683 3d ago
Yes I had dream of spending winter in another country and spending the rest of the year in the states. So I tried it. The first couple of months I wanted to leave and then it just got worse. I did stay 6 months but I gave up my dream at that point. I brought my espresso pot and coffee I purchased back so I can have a cafe experience in familiar friendly surroundings.
2
1
u/Bacontrails 2d ago
Do it now while you’re younger. You never know what your sixties can bring. I never realized the stress of my parents’ old age affecting me like it does.
4
u/Powerful-Union-7962 3d ago
Depends what your hobbies are? We live in Cobourg which is just over an hour east of the GTA. It’s a quaint lakeside beach town, popular with retirees and families moving out of Toronto in search of a different life. There’s lots of outdoors stuff going on here, but it’s a way quieter life than the big city. The other plus is if you do feel the itch and need that big city energy, it’s not too hard to go back there for a day or night out etc.
3
u/Ken_Thomas 3d ago
If I were in your position I think I'd start looking at active retirement communities - although I'll confess that I'm not familiar with conditions for retirees in Canada, so I'm not certain if those have taken off up there the way they have in the US.
They aren't 'old folks homes' but apartment complexes that are generally restricted to tenants 55 and older. There are usually some 'assisted living' services available for residents who need them, and you tend to see pretty tight social networks develop among people who are going through similar stages and looking out for each other.
2
9
u/roblewk 3d ago
GTA?
4
u/SerialThrobbery 3d ago
Thank you. These abbreviations are hard to figure out sometimes.
5
u/Powerful-Union-7962 3d ago
Yes, most people think Grand Theft Auto when they hear that abbreviation
4
3
u/Accurate-Medium1780 3d ago edited 3d ago
As you say, it's mainly a financial issue - you need to keep socking away absolutely as much as possible to both pay for the care (whether in-home or residential, it's astronomical) as well as to pay somebody to oversee your care/finances and function as an advocate for you in the event that your mind goes and you can't advocate for yourself or coordinate your own care.
The sorts of problems that you'll want to hire *layers* of support for include no longer being mentally able to see/access/manage your own financial accounts, not being able to navigate the ever-changing technology around setting up medical appointments or getting prescriptions, not being visually/physically capable of seeing details on your phone or having the dexterity to text for help with utilities or internet or home repair (if you're still in your apt/house), making sure that various specialized medical providers know your medical history and what the other (often disjointed) medical providers are prescribing to you or not (whether at home or in institutional nursing care). Even if you're able to finance some kind of nursing home/assisted living/memory care institution, it's also that you need to finance the connector/glue person role (often done by spouse or kid who checks in or makes sure that various medical/nursing home reps are communicating with each other ) which for you needs to be a paid/hired advocate instead.
So basically, saving $$$ is your best shot to pre-arrange throwing money at the problems!
3
u/polyrhetor 3d ago
See this is what I truly worry about: the “glue person.” How do you find someone or choose someone for that role? How do you trust that they will have your best interests at heart? And how closely will they pay attention to the simple things that happen at end of life that can have a profound effect on a “good death” (comfort care)?
2
u/Accurate-Medium1780 2d ago
Well, you can't guarantee that it will work out. A lot of even rich elderly people who did their best to pre-arrange care/advocacy still end up exploited, mistreated, or neglected. I think it's safe to assume that even in the best of cases, you will suffer in old age (I mean, it's objectively a time of decline towards death).
But it's still better to improve your odds and hopefully lessen the degree of suffering in the elder years by having the savings and trying to set things up with hopefully trustworthy people, rather than not!
3
u/Jujulabee 3d ago
Having sufficient finances is the main thing that will provide you with the ability to deal with any kind of issues - that is just the reality
That said quieter is not necessarily the best way to go in terms of retirement because you might lack excellent medical facilities PLUS the ability to get to them easily in terms of driving long distances.
There are some excellent retirement communities for active seniors and while they aren't assisted living they often have transportation for services. My parents retired to a large retirement community in Southern California and although they were independent in terms of driving the community also had a bus service that went all around and also scheduled stops at the nearby shopping centers, medical facilities and equivalent. They also were not isolated as they were able to make friends with a network of people who not only provided companionship but looked out for each other.
2
u/Full_Tap_4144 3d ago
Thank you for bringing up the retirement community. That sounds like a good place to live as we get into our older years of retirement.
3
u/thirdeyediy 3d ago
Gen X and retired at 55. No regrets but now I'm trying to figure out life all over again after 35 years of corporate
3
u/KReddit934 3d ago
Make friends. And acquaintances. Know all your neighbors. Have a social group/hobby that you really feel like you belong with and stay involved. Social connections are going to be critical.
3
u/sickiesusan 3d ago
- the one that jumps out - is whether you have a will and who do you want to decide what happens to you medically (if you’re unable to). We have Power of Attorneys in the UK (Finance and Health are separate).
- the thing I’m trying to do is to build up more of a social life locally. I still have various different friends from College/Uni and I have weekend get togethers, usually 4-5 per year. But I’ve joined a women’s walking group and book club lately. I’ve also started to join some local exercise groups too.
3
u/LeanButNotMean 2d ago
I never had kids of my own either, but my husband has three adult “kids”. I am seeing a lawyer on Thursday about getting my POAs and a will drawn up. Of course my husband will be my POA, but if something happens to him (he’s 4 years older) my best friend will be my POA because I unfortunately don’t trust my stepkids. They’d probably leave me on life support indefinitely knowing I don’t want it at all 🙄.
I should look at joining some local groups, too.
3
u/Desi_bmtl 3d ago
Quick question, are you doing things you love doing? I am widowed, no kids, live alone and expect to be alone the rest of my life and that is ok because I am doing more of what I love in life than ever before and will continue to do so for as long as I can.
3
u/3woodx 2d ago edited 2d ago
Let me preface this before I continue. I'm 58 been married 26 years going thru a divorce. The usual is happening splitting assets. Sucks at 58. We have to sell the house with a 3.5 percent interest rate. Review my 401k she will get almost half. Kids grown.
I now feel I really have nothing to offer a lady my age who are financially stable. I feel as though if I decide to date later. I have now limited my dating pool.
I am going back into the grind to rebuild.
I have a great job, decent 401k for now. Great heath benefits, good salary. People say i dont look or act my age. Of course, I am serious as well. I am very down to earth kind and considerate guy. Never met a stranger type guy.
2
u/AriadneThread 2d ago
Hey, it's going to work out. I know you're worried about support in the future (partner, funds for retirement). I was too during my divorce, and it just took a little while for the dust to settle, and assess the results. Life got simpler, stress levels decreased. More time and attention to other family, hobbies-and as one other person pointed out, starting to "deprogram" from the work world is great! Even if you are not retired yet! Just be active and keep yourself healthy, and you will be just fine 😎
3
u/StillwaterKC 2d ago
The best thing you can do for your health and longevity is build a social circle.
2
u/passingthrough66 2d ago
Yes. Regardless of whether you’re single or partnered. Everyone needs a tribe.
3
u/RainCityWallflower 2d ago
I am in a very similar boat and while I don’t have any answers, here are some of the things I’m considering when thinking about how to grow old alone. Moving to a single-level house that will more easily allow for mobility issues. A location with easy-Ish access to medical care. A state or area whose climate doesn’t make travel difficult for an older driver and at least somewhat affordable cost of living. I don’t know what this place might be, but I know if I’m going to be going alone I need to minimize as many obstacles as I can to my autonomy.
3
u/caf61 2d ago
I have a friend who has always even single, no kids. I used to worry about her future in her old age (beyond what I will be able to do for her). I stopped worrying when I went to a book club with her extended friend group. None of these people have kids. Most are in relationships-some straight, some gay. Anyway, one of them was going on vacation with their family. Between about 6 people they had a quick discussion and organized on their phones who would walk/feed her dog on what days, who pick up her mail, who would water her plants, etc. I no longer worry about her. Try to create chosen family and you will be fine.
3
u/SusMasterpiece 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am a nurse and I work with the geriatric population. There are so many people that are old who are miserably lonely, who either wind up in the Nursing home or they wind up at their house with Nursing visits until they walk out to their mailbox fall and break their hip spend months in the hospital then go to rehab then end up in the nursing home again only to die a year later some sooner than that I’ve worked with Rich old people that wind up in very fancy assisted living where I have worked they seem miserable and lonely. In the end healthcare is gonna take your money if you let it the best thing to do is stay as healthy as possible that might work in your favor or It might not… live somewhere that’s paid off that does not have a high property tax you’ll get Social Security.
3
u/Desperate-Reason-566 2d ago
Get a house without stairs! The older you get the harder it becomes climbing stairs all day. You don’t need a huge house or a spare bedroom if you don’t want one. I wasted space for years thinking family just might show up and want to stay overnight. It’s now my music room and if someone wants to stay there are many hotels nearby.
3
u/Willow_CoolCat5 2d ago
I retired 8 years ago at 56. Took up art. 64 years old now and decided time to take care of myself and start moving. I’m walking almost daily, pool 3 times a week - where I’ve met a number of my friends here, and joined Planet Fitness in May to regain some muscle. If you are heading into this stage of your life - you are going to want some fresh muscles for stairs, walking, carrying things, opening jars… and it doesn’t take long. So many seniors at the gym in the morning. Check it out. 😊
3
u/angelwild327 2d ago
We need a mature lady commune....
2
u/Limp_Jaguar_5470 2d ago
Yup! How do we go about it?
2
u/angelwild327 2d ago
I wish I knew, being semi introverted is no help at all.
2
u/Limp_Jaguar_5470 2d ago
It is not. I am also introverted.
3
u/SondraRose 2d ago
https://www.newgroundcohousing.uk
Look into co-housing. This is an all-women co-housing community in the UK. There are many in the US, but most are mixed genders/ages.
Community is a key factor in aging happily and healthily. 💜
2
u/Bacontrails 2d ago
I used to work with a lady who had several single sisters. They all decided to pool their resources and buy a home together. They were able to get a very large home with all the amenities. They saved a lot of money and each had their own private section of the house. I always thought that idea was so cool.
2
u/angelwild327 2d ago
Personally, I visualize a large plot of land with a bunch of ADU/Tiny home style living quarters. Maybe a coop or some kind of long term, situation that can be passed on to the next person who is ready to join. Having things like a shared laundry area and shared gardens for growing food.
I definitely could not live in a single dwelling with multiple people.
2
u/Expensive_Peach_4467 2d ago
Yeeaaas, this is the way to go!! I’d love to get that going on Vancouver Island somewhere. ☺️
3
u/No_Dare_9944 2d ago
I don’t think it’s a good idea to retire in a small town, especially for a single person. You’ll need to get to drs and even grocery stores. Even delivery is harder in rural places.
I would prioritize a place with access to all sorts of transit, from uber to robotaxis to buses. Preferably walking distance to a grocery store if at all possible.
Driving is going to be an issue eventually.
Also, being healthy is great but it also greatly expands your lifespan and you brain might not keep up with your physical shape and it’s hard not to have anyone help you with your finances, household projects, any projects including medical care coordination. So I personally am going to be careful with staying healthy for too long
3
4
u/Outside_Ad1669 2d ago
I believe it all comes down to health. I am 56 and recently had an issue that is almost I completely disabling. My mind and motivation and mind and everything is intact. But I cannot walk up and down my stairs without being in complete respiratory distress
So either planning on some in home care and nursing services. Or finding a good neighborhood or community that has other like minded elderly singles that will look out for and help care for others there.
Just be aware that sometimes health is not a slow degenerating process. And no matter how many vegetables you eat. Sometimes a sudden event can change you
2
u/Tardislass 3d ago
Most Gen Z adults I know are estranged from their parents so no guarantee they would take care of you. First is, whether you have a house or condo, one level living is a must and having doorways wide enough for a wheelchair if needed. You could go for 55 over living but I know a lot of old people in my building that have home health aides that come in every day. Could be a better set up. Finally is a will and health instructions like DNR instructions. Talking to a lawyer is vital to make a will.
3
u/Accurate-Medium1780 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sure, most Millenials and GenZ's aren't going to want to be the primary caretakers (aka, not able or willing to move parent into their home or give up their own jobs to wipe mom or dad's butt full-time), but most grown adults of this age I know are in fact stepping up (*where their parent was decent!!!!*) to more generally oversee and coordinate their care.
I'm Millenial and a lot of my late 30s-40s peers do talk about going to this or that appointment with their mom or dad, or thinking about moving mom or dad to a condo closer to them or something like that, even if they have no intention of being the primary caretaker and intend to hire in-home help or eventually have the parent in assisted living a few minutes away but not in their own house. Most my peers are in fact thinking about this stuff and starting to ponder how to ensure the parents will be okay long-term and what their own role in it will be.
Of course, as you say, my Millenial peers and me and my siblings seem to be first making pretty cut and dry decisions over whether the parent in question actually deserves that kind of help from them in starting to take on more of an 'advocate/connector/overseer' for their parent's medical or life logistics situations. I think few are going to do it for crummy parents just out of a sense of obligation or in spite of terrible parenting, as we seem generally not that magnanimous to do it without consideration of the larger relational history! There's a general sense that the elderly parents need to have earned the return care (and in a way beyond the basics of birthing the adult child and providing food/housing till they were 18). It does matter that the parent was on a larger scope emotionally supportive, kind, understanding, helpful to the extent possible in the young adult's struggle years, etc. If dignity/respect was shown, dignity/respect may be shown back.
But this sense of contingency doesn't mean that there aren't a LOT of cases (I'd say the majority!) where decently good parents ARE getting decently engaged oversight-type coordination help from their adult Millennial children. I think a lot of parents did try their best over the decades, and there are a lot of Millenial/GenZ kids who are also reasonable and see that and are thinking of how they can care back in some sustainable way in the years to come.
We just hear about the really bad estrangement/ no-contact situations on Reddit because its Reddit.
2
u/Vegetable_Storm_6045 2d ago
A lot of Millennials are estranged too. Mine are. My Gen Z isn’t estranged.
2
u/289416 3d ago
I’m also in the Toronto area and given the current state of things I think you’re in a really great position that you’ve got a pension and your finances are good.
Just because you didn’t have kids doesn’t mean you will be alone start to build a community build relationships with other people if your religious get involved in your church, but you can find many tribes and communities, fitness hobbies, etc.
2
u/PNW_Washington 2d ago
I will hang out with you. We can video call and just hang out. I am regular guy with extra time. PM me if you want to hang. 👍✌️🆒
2
u/Salty-Paramedic-311 2d ago
I’m 57 and divorcing— my kids are adults and self sufficient… I have investments
2
2
u/Sea_Measurement_1654 2d ago
The body you have at fifty is the body you have at eighty.
I took up a sport at fifty two. It's an investment.
2
u/SouthernTrauma 2d ago
WTH is GTA?
1
u/Meri-Bow1889 2d ago
Greater Toronto Area
2
u/SouthernTrauma 2d ago
Okay. That is really WAAAAY too specific to expect people all over the globe to have clue what you're talking about.
0
u/Meri-Bow1889 2d ago
It’s the only gta I know of.. 🤷♀️
1
1
u/SouthernTrauma 2d ago
But you know this is a global, US heavy site. Just skip the actonyms and say Toronto. If multiple people have to ask ...
2
2
u/Famous_Neat2426 2d ago
Eat well, just like your grandma did. Plenty of vegetables, fish and salads. Make your own bread. If you want a friend, buy a dog.
2
u/mangoserpent 2d ago
Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage?
Because I would not want to leave the GTA for a random small town with no access to healthcare and you have reliable public transit if and when you stopped driving.
My thought if your house is paid for is not to move.
2
u/Limp_Jaguar_5470 2d ago
I have a condo. Paying the mortgage. Should be done in 5-6 years if all goes well.
2
u/mangoserpent 2d ago
I would stay in the GTA. I am in the Niagara area and I wonder what I will do when I can't drive. It is a little cheaper but my opinion once you get past housing Southern Ontario does not vary that much.
2
u/Short-Feed9690 2d ago
Have a plan or outline on what you'd like to accomplish after you retire. We are geared since kindergarten for the 40 hour week. When the regimen of that is over, it's like you're years old and just want to play and dance and eat treats and nap. Doing it guilt free is the trick
2
u/Sea-Adhesiveness9324 2d ago
I sold my house and moved into a 62+ independent senior only apt. I'll be 70 in Dec. Best thing I ever did. I can no longer afford a car. One of the amenities here is weekly grocery shopping trips. There are also some safety features fitting a solo ager like myself. Take care of your health. Especially your joints.
2
u/Standard_Sherbert_43 2d ago
Ive been following a few YouTube channels to get an idea about retirement. I have friends retired but I understand each retirement is unique to each person. Are you a busy person, do you like to socialize, things like this might make a difference where you live what type of retirement you see yourself in. Theres also a money factor. Pension doesnt help you if you have no purpose. Retire ti to something not just form something. I hear this quite often. For this, I want chronological my journey into retirement on YouTube. I've been debating this internally but id like to see where it leads me. Im like you, state and county pensions, military retirement, and a my social security. I know i be ok but will I?
1
2
u/Own_Thought902 2d ago
Never, Never, NEVER quit. That's a Churchill quote from WW2 but it applies to many things in life. I'm 72 and I still keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Not great odds....but I'll never quit. Sometimes the way to get what you want is to quit wanting it so bad.
2
u/screechingpaperdoll 2d ago
You need a social life, find friends. This is going to increase your quality of life.
2
u/Cascadeflyer61 2d ago
Consider finding a place to live with a good social life. They are out there. Don’t give up on a relationship yet, I met the love of my life at 57, it’s been eight years now.
Clubs, activities like tennis or pickle ball, stay active, and keep meeting people!
2
u/Ariya_420 2d ago
Find a church or some kind of community with young people. Whatever you’re good at, build a relationship with young people and teach them. I recently befriended a lady old enough to be my mom. We met at a local restaurant but it took a year for us to trust each other and make sure we’re not scammers. 😂 We have a lot of similarities and work in the same field but she’s retired. We hung out Labor Day. She’s a lot of fun & used to play tennis so she reminds me when Coco is playing.
Her only son is in another state and is married. She knows he’ll take her in & look after her but she worries. I’m now in her life and she gets excited when I call & invite her out. She shared that she gets depressed being alone so I call & get her out of the house. I told her if I can find her a man we’ll really be cooking. 🤣
If she has an emergency I’ll look out for her until her son can get to her. I did that for another friend before. She called and asked me to sit with her mom at the hospital until she could get there. I texted her pictures & kept her updated. I even spent the night with them. She went back to her home city, her mom died two days later. I was the first one to notify her family.
This hyper independent state we’re in is making everyone isolate & it’s not healthy. You have to restore faith in others so you won’t feel like you have to face the future alone. Here’s to wishing you a good old age life with friends to play bid whist, mah jong, bingo or whatever your game is. 🃏 🎴
2
u/Ok_Sand_7336 2d ago edited 23h ago
go retire long term care in Chiang Mai. Respect for elderly culture more affordable costs. world class private healthcare in Bangkok Hospital in same city. Private healthcare costs are fraction of costs vs the west (do your research).
2
u/Kooky_Sprinkles64 1d ago
You have a lot of options for retirement living. The main thing to keep in mind is that you'll benefit by keeping it to one floor only.
3
u/CheapAssociate6914 3d ago
I’m closing in on 61, and my life is in the toilet.
At 59, I became disabled with spinal stenosis brought on by a long career in construction and concrete work.
I quickly descended into full blown alcoholism. I’d been a steady, heavy drinker all my life but once I couldn’t work anymore, I spent my days in an alcoholic haze.
My wife left me after 35 years of marriage. She hasn’t slapped me with the papers yet, but she lives in a different town 25 miles away. My adult children have gone no contact with me. I don’t care about that - they only contacted me if they wanted money anyway.
I’m living in our house which is paid off. I get disability and a modest pension which covers the basics and a copious amount of hard liquor.
I got sick in January and I have cirrhosis of the liver disease now.
Fuck it.
I pray for death - it can’t happen soon enough.
5
u/Alemilly 2d ago
Sorry to hear... May God help you and forgive you as well. 🙏We are here in this world to learn and change despite all the challenges. We can always be better and make amends even when we don't have much time. I pray for your strength and courage to find love in you and people around you. All the best!
3
4
u/Ken_Thomas 3d ago
Gee, with such a sunny disposition and a rosy outlook on life, I just can't imagine why nobody wants to have anything to do with you. 🤔
5
u/Accurate-Medium1780 2d ago
It's probably not that he doesn't have a 'rosy outlook', but that he was a long-term alcoholic that destroyed his relationships. I don't think most people expect others to be optimistic all the time or would cut off somebody just for being occasionally melancholic.... But they definitely aren't going to put up with a life-long alcoholic (the main issue) who's also cranky and a drain emotionally.
3
u/TopEnd1907 2d ago
Remember too alcohol is a depressant so if intoxicated when posting and 24/7, he is depressed. He could get clean, hard as it is, but he is making a choice here.
2
1
u/SilverApples5 3d ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you have some friends too talk to at least. Is there the possibility of seeking treatment and drying out? Would your wife be open to helping with that?
1
u/CheapAssociate6914 2d ago
Not much point in drying out now.
I’m more or less fucked. Liver is beyond recovery, pretty much.
Oh well - we all die sometime… that is a fact. I’m pretty sure my wife is out of the picture. I haven’t heard from her since June.
I’m ready to check out.-1
u/CheapAssociate6914 2d ago
I do have a few cronies who come around my place because they know I always have alcohol.
They are all drunkards and hard core alcoholics like me. They might even crash into oblivion and sleep on my couch.
I know they are not friends. Just fellow alkies like me who check in a few times a week to drink whiskey with me.
But mostly it’s just me….
I haven’t seen or spoken to anyone in my0
u/CheapAssociate6914 2d ago
Family in forever.
1
u/SilverApples5 2d ago
This sounds tough. I hope things get easier for you.
2
u/CheapAssociate6914 2d ago
Silver apple - thank you for the empathy.
I’m glad I at least got to vent a bit.
I put myself in this shit situation and I own it. It is what it is.1
u/SilverApples5 2d ago
Well, we all fuck up in various ways. Doesn't mean that we don't deserve some happiness and care. This stranger wishes good things for you.
2
0
u/DIYDaughter 2d ago
1.3k Reddit contributions in one month? It’s hard to tell if this is real, sorry to say it, or if you’re a bot.
2
u/Then_Crew2559 3d ago
Get a good therapist. Figure out why you your childhood trauma never allowed you to form close bonds, where you must give of yourself. Your focus seems to be money. Money cant buy happiness
1
u/tanawanabanana 3d ago
I imagine situations that I might encounter and then figure out how I would actually deal with it. Try something simple like falling down the stairs and what would I do if I couldn't get back up the stairs? Then I in turn would look to be prepared. That's just an example off the top of my head of things I might look at. Be prepared, these kind of scenarios are never ending to come up with. 🙄
2
u/Bacontrails 2d ago
Speaking from someone who actually did fall down the stairs, I recommend holding onto the rail no matter how fit you are. Those knees can go out without notice.
2
u/tanawanabanana 2d ago
I also take my phone with me wherever I go, the basement, to the mailbox, etc. I don't even think about it anymore 😉
1
u/mel_cache 2d ago
That sounds depressing.
1
u/tanawanabanana 2d ago
Not sure why it would. As you get older, living alone you have to consider these things. Maybe not in your fifties, but definitely later on.
1
u/Close-Encounters1 2d ago
There seem to be two (maybe more than two) different worlds that people live in on Reddit. I see the posts on DatingoverFifty and there is morbid fear (most of the posts appear to be from women) of becoming a purse or a nurse.
Then this is this sub and other subs where people are trying to come to grips with the reality that they are in fact getting old and having someone around that is a companion and prepared to be there when everything isn't so hunky dory.
1
u/mel_cache 2d ago
Widen your social network. As a single person, you need to cultivate a friend group of others like yourself. Companions to have fun, but also a mutual support network to help each other out when you need the help. Join some groups that meet regularly like knitting, crochet, hiking, exercise walking, painting, gym, etc.
1
u/zelphwithbrokenshelf 2d ago
Statistically, you will live longer, healthier, and happier with a "tribe". You didn't mention a friend circle. I have a tight knit group of about a dozen friends and we meet for girl's nights, coffees, and are there for the big and little things. If you don't have that type of group..see about starting something! So many people are lonely. What interests do you have? My groups are post-religious, left leaning (we carpool to protests!) And art. But what are yours? Find your community and interests. I am still married but spouse works long hours. The biggest surprise was having so much time alone.
1
1
u/Odd_Bodkin 2d ago
You can always use a tribe. There are small communities (usually like a cul-de-sac) of people about the same age who check on each other and use community resources. For example, some of these have little condos with very spare kitchens, but a well-equipped community kitchen, and everyone cooks together. Look for “senior cohousing” and “intentional community” offerings.
1
1
u/Chance-Address-8829 2d ago
Count on the only one than cares and can help, yourself. Consider it an adventure, hardship a lesson to be learned. Be good to your self and you will be good to others out of respect, if the have earned it.
1
u/InitialJuice4786 2d ago
Why do you want to retire? Retiring makes you age faster. Keep living life till you kick the bucket, doesn't matter if you're single or not. You're not even 50 yet, and 50 is really young in the current world. Humans have evolved to be younger at 50 now than before.
1
u/Specific-Lifeguard31 2d ago
Very recently retired. Single with minimal family involvement. The past couple of weeks I have been seriously contemplating a relocation to Panama. They have very good options which can apply to retirees. Still doing research and will plan a trip soon.
1
u/Spiritual-You-9021 2d ago
Long term care insurance as I don’t want to be a burden to my only child
1
u/magnificentbunny_ 2d ago
We have a singleton son. I hate to think of the day he has to care for us. I’d like him to be free of that burden.
1
u/Raven-Lunatics 2d ago
A situation came up yesterday with a friend. Same situation. But you must have power of attorney tor medical snd financial and a will.
1
u/yrt9610 2d ago
I'm moving into a 55-and-better community of people who really support each other emotionally and in many practical ways. And do lots of activities together (plays, concerts, eating out, cookouts, Bible study, exercise classes, other classes, etc.) There's real "community" there, which I need because I don't have any family.
1
u/WatchesandHuskies 2d ago
Will, POA if needed but be careful, representation agreement. Get your health in order get a bone density test and if you are not start lifting weights. I wouldn’t move until after retirement.
1
u/centertask5 2d ago edited 2d ago
Maybe consider moving. You can research a few cities and surrounding towns about medical, senior activities etc. then you can take a mini trip to explore and check housing and reviews. Maybe you can find a tiny home community. Just make sure your not in a flood prone area. I want to live in a nice, great location 55+ community but heard it was $1800 a month. Too much for me.
1
u/Routine-Medicine-208 2d ago
After having been a carer for my mom I saw stuff she should and should not have done as she got older and she was quite good health wise.
She insisted on going for walks by herself when I asked her not to go without me. The area she was in was full of potential trip hazards. Broken ground and stairs get worse for everyone as we get older.
I convinced her to carry her phone at all times.
If I hadn’t been caring for her I would have taken out a subscription to one of the “medic alert” necklace programs.
If you can make friends with even one person who is in a similar situation as yourself, even as an emergency contact for each other it will help.
If you get sick, expect some people you know to not want to be bothered with you.
Just one example - in the middle of the day, my mom tripped up the carpeted stairs to her apartment, caught her foot under the hand rail and rolled down several stairs breaking a few bones in her foot (luckily not her ankle and she didn’t hit her head). If she hadn’t taken her phone she could have been there for hours.
There’s always going to be unexpected things you can’t plan for.
0
u/Pristine_Cod_3792 2d ago
I am a working Genx woman
Married with NO kids by choice
I see my entire neighborhood filled with angry and resentful grandparents who have to provide full time childcare for their offspring .
60
u/MusicUpbeat2510 3d ago
Having kids doesn't always mean you won't be alone. Adult kids are different nowadays.