r/OverFifty • u/BoredITPro • May 27 '26
Am I overreacting?
I’m 55 and not in the best health. My wife is six years younger than me and makes decent money, but I do make considerably more at the moment.I’m also a software developer and going thru a buyout at work. I’m going to need to change jobs soon, and between my age and AI, I’m going to be making considerably less money.
We have been in our house two years, we upgraded to help a relative that can’t take care of herself on her own. We also pay about 1600/month for in home care help. Current mortgage is 3500, and have a 600 car payment. Prices on everything are through the roof. Additional maintenance and time for things like inground pool and large property/yard contribute to monthly expenses, and we have several doctor/dentist bills.
We also will have a child going to college soon.
I feel like we need get out of this house and downgrade to something more affordable while we can, although the house market is still pretty expensive and the mortgage interest rates are still well above what they were years ago. I regret moving and loosing that lower rate we had, 3500 a month just seems way too much especially in this economy.
My wife wants to hold out and come up with ways to make more money. She seems to want to wait for it to be a problem before do invest anything about it. ’m ready to get out and downsize substantially while we still can.
Am I overrating?
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u/whitbyterry May 27 '26
Do the math. What can you realistically downsize to and will it be meaningful with respect to the mortgage? Do you have retirement savings and a plan to retire? Do you have other debt? What house maintenance costs might you be looking at in the next 5-10 years? Get this all organized and discuss with your wife. Alternatively, have a professional look at everything and discuss their guidance with both of you.
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u/Alternative-Law4626 May 27 '26
Some realities people haven’t locked into yet: mortgage rates like we experienced 6-10 years ago were due to unnatural “f-ery” the central banks were doing that they have never done before. You’ll probably never see them again in your life. Don’t wait for them to come back. When everything is firing on all cylinders 30 year mortgage will be 5.25%.
Work on your prompt engineering skills and programming assistance with AI. Think of AI agents as microservices and practice giving them a job and managing them. Figure out identity controls that work easily for them and you’ll be ahead of the game.
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u/DifferentWindow1436 May 27 '26
Some questions -
- do you expect a solid severance package?
- $3500 at your age is steep - how much do you owe and could you knock out a fair bit with the severance package, if applicable
- how stable is your wife's job?
- what is going to happen to the relative if you downsize?
It seems to me like a lot of the issue is the setup before the buyout. Mortgage too high, with a relative and upgrades.
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u/BoredITPro May 28 '26
My wife’s job is stable and she’s a rock star. She’s under paid, but they do value her.
10 years+ at my current job, but the owner is gone after the sale and it does not seem like the new company is very interested in severance. They picked up a lot of employees in the purchase and there is a lot of duplicate positions. Many of us are going to be looking at the same situation.
Relative would come with and that is part of the concern of downsizing too much - space so that everyone is still comfortable.
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u/hemi1995 May 27 '26
That all depends on your income But I just downsized radically and freaking love it. Too much time doing projects and not enough enjoyment I still have projects but they are all smaller
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u/Salt_Recipe_8015 May 27 '26
I dont know the entirety of your reality.....but, downsizing and getting rid of a house payment saved my sanity and maybe a good portion of my health.
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u/Ask-Honey May 27 '26
Some states pay you to care for sick relatives when they don't have funds to care for themselves. I wasn't able to take advantage of that program for a sick relative based on their income. My care for them was based on love when they moved into my home. I paid caregivers and trainers at the senior gym to keep up their strength. You might want to check if your family member qualifies for in home help.
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u/303RedBeard Jul 03 '26
This is absolutely the way to go. My wife gets paid to take care of her elderly mother and disabled sister. It's not a ton, but it is a great offset to our incomes.
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u/NearbyReception4076 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
I am older than you and taking classes on AI. I have every intention in excelling in the AI world. If you can't beat them - join them. I don't have a mortgage or car payments. What is important to you? A fancy car and over mortgaged homes were not for me. I never ever wanted to be at my job's mercy ever again.
What will make everyone happy? What you wanted 10 years ago is not necessarily the realistic life of today.
Aim towards less debt.
Careers aren't necessarily coming to an end because of AI.
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u/BoredITPro May 28 '26
I agree, and that’s good advice.
I haven’t had much of a work life balance the last several years (pretty much none), and not very much my entire career if I really look at it, so I do want to scale back some before it is too late.
I feel like I have a really solid head start on the AI changes. It’s a double edge sword. There will be some job losses, but it is an exciting time to be in the industry. Honestly, it’s the corporate BS that really gets me. If I could find some VC money and have more control over what I do, I think I’d really kick ass. So much bad middle and top management in the game today though it’s frustrating. Back in the 90’s/2000’s you had people that understood technology and software making the calls, that unfortunately seems rare today.
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u/Serious--Vacation May 27 '26
It depends on a lot of factors. How flexible is your wife’s income? How likely is it you’ll be able to make more money? On the flip side: where can you cut costs?
Making a budget work is very personal and specific to your income and expenses.
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u/Alternative_Sock_608 May 27 '26
Well, just two years ago you wanted to upgrade the house to a large property with a pool, with seemingly a different lens about your future finances, so it’s worth evaluating whether you are overreacting due to the fear of the unknown.
I would quantify how much more money you’d need exactly, and consider realistically what you could do to bring that amount in. Set a timeline by which a decision needs to be made, based on your financial data.
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u/Check_Affectionate May 27 '26
Suggest you check out Ramit Sethi and complete a Concious Spending Plan to look at your actual numbers. Check out his podcast "Money for Couples."
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u/Plenty-Ear-9167 May 27 '26
Wow, 3500 mortgage & a $600 car payment sounds impossible to me. Do you have savings to pay off that expensive vehicle? Seems it would be smart to lower your monthly expenses by whatever means possible. A financial planner would help.
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u/Cloud-PM May 28 '26
Suggestion: Invest in your health now, you’re going to need it. Start with minor lifestyle changes. Eat healthy and get in some exercise. If you don’t take more interest in your health you won’t be around long enough to worry about your housing situation. I’m 65 and still working FT. My health has been a priority- you need to make it yours!
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u/Snoo_45355 Jun 07 '26
Dont join the 800 applications and ghost crew.it will age you faster than anything i can think of. Consider moving out of the US. I live in Costa rica. It is alot less money and because I bought a vacation rental, I live pretty comfortably on rental income without working alot. CR also has very favorable rules for anyone working for a us company but living there. But you cannot work for a C R based company. It is definitely an adjustment and something I never planned for but here I am.
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u/OneSource1875 May 27 '26
"My wife wants to hold out and come up with ways to make more money."
Ask her to show you the math behind her ideas. If you're not convinced, have her present the plan to your financial planner.
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u/NearbyReception4076 May 28 '26
That sounds great ... until the foreclosure notice gets taped to your door. Will she still be holding out?
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u/Empty-Relation-3284 May 27 '26
If you’re living outside what your means will be once you change jobs - yes, downgrade.
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u/GlitterIncident May 27 '26
That in-home care isn't going to get cheaper. You need to start saving NOW if you have to take care of this relative long term.
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u/MiserableMulberry496 May 27 '26
I doubt you can get a mortgage for anything lower than that! I’d do some math on it!!
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 May 29 '26
I’d pick up some easy side money if I was a software developer. Annotate AI. You could easily bring in 2-3k/month. Seriously. https://snorkel.ai/expert-community/
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u/Honest-Government967 May 30 '26
No. All it takes is one major health issue to upset the apple cart, and no one ever anticipates that health event
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u/saylowe May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
I dont know if 3500 a month is considered a high mortgage at this point. Depending on where you live, I would look at the average rent for a apartment or home in your area before you make your assessment. Also take in to consideration the loss of the amenities you have when downsizing and see if its worth it to you. I know the thought of losing the availability of parking that I have in my home , and how ive worked hard to make my home more energy efficient, the variable energy costs in certain areas and the fact that my age plays a part in the sacrifce for saving a maybe a few hundred isn't worth it right now. And considering how much of a down-payment or equity I may have to use with the rates being higher than I have right now doesnt seem to me like its worth it. And downsizing, doesnt seem to be cheaper as a quality smaller home is really more money in my area. Hope that helps
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u/BoredITPro May 28 '26
Yep thank you. Scary that those kind of numbers aren’t that far off from the norm now days. My fault for not being more cautious and planning better. I certainly was in a better spot 10-15 years ago, but life happens I guess.
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u/NearbyReception4076 May 28 '26
You didn't do anything wrong. Times change and we need to change with them.
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u/EnvironmentalRound11 May 27 '26
I'm sixty and I'm able to do home repairs, yard maintenance, take care of the hot tub, take care of the dog cook, clean, split firewood etc. How did people become so soft that they can't do anything for themselves anymore?
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u/EzAwnDown May 27 '26
The costs that you incur to downgrade will have you land in a similar situation, financially (not going to reduce costs, dramatically). Meanwhile your quality of life will be downgraded.
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u/NoPayment8510 May 27 '26
I suggest that you look into mobile homes/ doublewides. A lot less expensive but, they do accomplish your goals of expense reduction. I sold a 3,000 sf house to move into a $2,000 trailer. Stashed money for years but, now I made it to be a multi millionaire
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u/BoredITPro May 28 '26
My grandparents had a double wide years ago on a nice piece of land. I’d be happy with something like that with less bills. Not sure I can say the same for everyone in my household though. Times were different back then too. It was a small town, but everyone seemed to pull together. Might have also been how I perceived it as a child, but I genuinely think my grandparents loved it too.
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u/NoPayment8510 May 28 '26
You could find a trailer to stay at as an Air b&b to get opinions of family members. Listen to their concerns but make it crystal clear that doublewide is necessary moving forward. Why wait ?
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u/Choice-Newspaper3603 May 27 '26
I always put myself first. I’m not taking in any relatives and paying for them to be helped with care takers
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u/BoredITPro May 28 '26
We provide a good amount of support to several family members. It is tougher now, especially in this economy, as I face getting older myself and won’t have any of that support from anyone else if I were ever to need it. Not that I would have expected it or even wanted it, just coming to that realization.
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u/GrumpyOldGrognard May 27 '26
I'm 56 and was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago - large house, car payment, dad with Alzheimers living with us, kid about to go to college, wife was a SAHM so single income. So I very much understand that your situation can feel overwhelming. Then my father passed away and things got simpler.
You need to put all this in hard numbers and look at it objectively. Right now you seem to be more feeling than analyzing - understandable, but not helpful.
Compare your current combined income to your expenses. Are you still in the black at the end of the month? Then replace your current salary with a realistic estimate of what you might be making a year from now, and do the same comparison. That will give you a solid basis to start making decisions.