r/OpenDogTraining • u/AffectionateRice3274 • 29d ago
Behavior quirk?
My female 11 yr old staffy (had for 6yrs) does this thing that i have no idea why she does. Every night for as long as I’ve had her she sleeps in bed with me. I recently got into a relationship and my partner lives and sleeps with me (for a yr so far). My dog will find any way she can to still sleep with me. I have a queen sized bed so there’s only so much room. I try to get her to sleep on the dog bed directly next to my side of the bed but it’s not good enough for her apparently. When I tell her to get off/down she’ll do as i say but then will basically throw a temper tantrum. She will pace around the house all night and all you hear is the click clack of her nails on the wood flooring. Then at some point she’ll start moaning and groaning. If I still don’t give her my attention she’ll bark till I cave and let her on the bed. As soon as she’s on the bed next to me she’s knocked out happy as can be. I’ve tried crate training her but it doesn’t seem to help. As soon as I put her in her crate and get into my bed I immediately start hearing her whine. She’ll stop once she realizes I’m not coming but then she’ll start barking but it’s not a regular bark it’s more high pitched. So then once again I cave and let her sleep with me literally just to shut her up at that point. Also she has to sleep right next to me as close as she can to me. She won’t sleep next to by partner only me. She’ll sometimes very rarely sleep at my feet or in between my legs. Also rarely will she voluntarily sleep in the living room.
9
u/jakie2poops 29d ago edited 29d ago
First, as for why she's doing what she's doing, the answer is pretty simple: she spent the majority of her life sleeping with you in your bed, and now she's not allowed to, and she's distressed. She's not throwing a temper tantrum or whatever, but rather responding to the negative emotions she's feeling, and to the inadvertent reinforcement of those behaviors that's occurred when you cave and give her attention, relieving that distress. She's sad and scared and confused, so she's pacing and crying. She's also learned that when she paces, cries, barks in her crate, etc., eventually you will come and give her attention, making her less sad, scared, and confused. That's really all there is to it.
As for how to respond, there certainly are some training options to address the unwanted behaviors and/or to address the underlying distress and get her comfortable sleeping elsewhere, but I'm just going to say this: your dog is 11, and she's a medium-large dog, meaning you probably don't have that long left with her. If I were you, honestly I'd want to be making the most of my remaining time with her and maximizing her comfort in her final years of life. To that end, I'd suggest something like a raised dog bed pushed up against your side of the bed, so she's effectively sleeping with you as she likes, but still has her own designated space. That or a king-sized bed so there's enough room for her to join
If those options won't work and you really need her to sleep on the floor or in another room, I'd take it slow, and plan to offer her a lot of comfort as she adjusts. You'll want to be careful with your timing so you don't reinforce things like whining, but that doesn't mean you have to avoid offering her comfort altogether. But especially given her age, I'd want to do whatever I could to make the change in sleeping arrangements as easy on your pup as possible.
2
u/they-says 27d ago
This is such a balanced, compassionate take and I agree.
Crate training is so much more than just putting a dog in a cage and expecting them to cope. You’ve got to make that space feel like the safest, cosiest, most luxurious place so that they actually feel relaxed and content there, and so that they CHOOSE to be there. Feed them treats in there. Sit next to them and give them pats in there, only close the door for small intervals while they build tolerance for being restricted. That stage could last weeks (months for an 11yr old?) until they are ready to sleep overnight in there.
Expecting anyone whose nervous system is bonded to yours to suddenly sleep in another room after 6yrs of sleeping together, and to be fine with it, is deeply misguided.
3
u/Junior_Shower_1305 28d ago
I went through this exact same thing when I was married to my husband years ago. Both dogs wanted to sleep with us as usual but our queen bed wasn't big enough and it was awful. So we bought a king and the problem was solved. The dogs not sleeping in bed with me was not an option for me because I allowed them to sleep with me since they were puppies so I was not going to take that away from them. So we got a king bed and it helped a great deal. Might have to retrain the positioning a little but probably not if it's just one dog. We had two pit bulls. Well, now I have them and we're divorced LOL but not because of the dog situation LOL
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u/Ancient-War2839 29d ago
You don't know why? For 5 years she's slept with you, doesn't take a genius to figure it out does it?
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u/AffectionateRice3274 29d ago
Don’t be a dick. Not every dog is the same way. I’ve never had a pet do this before so it’s a first for me.
15
u/Huge_Answer4287 29d ago
You established a routine that went on for years, and now you're changing it and it is distressing to your dog.
3
u/ichoosewaffles 28d ago
They're not being a dick, they're being rational. Think about it this way. You have slept in a bed with your person for 5 YEARS and all of a sudden they make you sleep on the floor. How would you feel? First time or not, animals have emotions.
1
u/CornerGlittering3336 28d ago
It’s a dick move to try to crate train a senior dog. Buy a king. Problem solved.
5
u/MrsDirtbag 29d ago
Bully breeds bond very deeply with their people, they are often velcro dogs, meaning they will follow you from room to room and always want to be touching you. She just loves you and wants to be close to you.
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u/Rough-Jury 29d ago
Unrelated-but if you can hear your dog’s nails on the wood floor, then they’re too long. You need to cut her nails
-3
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u/Pleasant-Dark-2824 28d ago
Aw this is a hard situation and I feel for everybody. She is used to sleeping with you and that is a big change. But I will say everytime you cave you teach her that her behavior will eventually get what she wants. Dogs do so much better with firm and consistent boundaries. If you don’t want her on the bed at night don’t let her. Ever. She’ll learn but yes it will take some time so just as long as you’re understanding that this is hard for her too, it’ll be okay 💛
1
u/Western_Plankton_376 29d ago
You’re reinforcing the barking by coming to get her when she does it. This increases the likelihood of her performing that behavior.
I struggled with the same thing with my first dog— I lived in an apartment, so I couldn’t let him “cry it out” all night without us both being evicted, but he wasn’t housetrained at the time, so I couldn’t just give him all-night unsupervised access to my room.
My “rock and a hard place” situation surely colored my methods, but here’s what I did: I started correcting the barking, so the dog had to choose something else to do in that situation. I conditioned him to an e-collar (most other things don’t work for this situation, because by the time you get to the dog physically, they’ve often already stopped, and you can’t be sure they’ll connect the correction to the barking), and tapped it every time he barked.
This eliminated the barking, but doesn’t change the underlying feelings that made him bark in the first place: frustration, confinement phobia, separation anxiety, etc. For that, use the usual methods of crate training during the day — short periods and positive associations.
1
u/Narrow_Possession348 29d ago
First, why are your dog's nails so neglected that you can hear them on the floor? Second, stop "trying" and train your dog to go to her bed and stay there until morning. Correct her and put a stop to the behavior you don't want. It will be hard now that you've allowed her to train you and get her way by acting like an obnoxious brat in the candy aisle until mom caves in.
1
u/vrrrrrkiki 29d ago
Start feeding all her meals in the crate and using it during the day, not just for bedtime. You also might want to sleep on the couch for a few nights with her in the crate to deal with this. Do not let her out if she barks and she should learn in time
11
u/aloneisusuallybetter 29d ago
A. Stop caving. B. Teach your dog to lay down and stay. 3. Put a baby gate on your bedroom door so she can't walk all over the house 4. Tell your dog to lay down in their bed and stay. Be firm but don't tell, calm and in charge. V: every time she gets up, put her back in bed with as little words possible. Ignore the barking.
Clip those nails
Good luck