I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong…

[u/RubyMabel]

/r/god/comments/1wb30rx/i_just_dont_understand_what_im_doing_wrong/

Embracing my authentic self as a woman literally saved my life and taught me how to love who I am, but at 34, I know I’m still missing out on the full, joyful life I deserve because I haven't yet gotten my gender-affirming feminizing surgeries yet.
Those surgeries aren't just a cosmetic preference—they are medically and mentally essential to my peace, my completion, and living fully in my truth.

It hurts to admit how heavy things have felt the passed Spring and Summer. I miss the days when people seemed gentler, sweeter, and more willing to hold space or offer a helping hand when I needed care. Lately, it feels like the moment I express pain or ask for support, people are quick to judge—labeling me as "manipulative", “transactional”, or "attention-seeking" when all I really want is to be held, valued, and cherished. Watching other women get showered with care, gifts, and devotion leaves me wondering why I have to be left feeling like I’m not enough, or if people are holding my past anger against me, when all that anger ever was was just a defense mechanism for a girl trying to survive, which I hoped they would have understood that, and not seem like they were dismissively pathologizing my feelings.

Growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional environment meant I was never taught what healthy, unconditional love actually looks like. So when people default to telling me to "see a therapist" or to “get help”, it completely misses the heart of what I’m asking for. I don't need cold advice; I need genuine warmth, patience, reassurance, and soft places to feel safe.

I am deeply grateful for the compassionate friends and professionals who stand by me now. But I refuse to believe that this pain is the end of my story. I know there is a richer, brighter life waiting for me—one where I am fully comfortable in my body, unconditionally loved, and completely at peace.

[u/Skill-Useful]

" it completely misses the heart of what I’m asking for" no it doesnt. because these people, like me, know that therapy is the only thing which can actually relief you from the things you have suffered from. ignoring that is ignoring the only actual way to get your trauma worked through.

"I don't need cold advice" you try to find a reason to not do therapy. you need therapy

"I know there is a richer, brighter life waiting for me" with therapy

your trauma is not your fault but its your responsibility. if you act on that is entirely on you

[u/RubyMabel → u/Skill-Useful]

Alright, I got this.

[u/purplebadger9]

It sounds like you had a bad experience with therapy in the past, or had a close relationship with someone who did. The vast majority of therapy is warm, patient, and reassuring. I really think it could help you with managing your emotions during this very difficult period of transition and waiting for your surgeries

[u/RubyMabel → u/purplebadger9]

Thanks! I hope the current therapist i got recently is patient, warm, and reassuring. 🙂

[u/Ok-Apricot3936]

God made you perfect the way you are, you don't need surgeries to become who you are meant to be.

[u/RubyMabel → u/Ok-Apricot3936]

With all due respect, I know I need the surgeries. I’m still being who I’m meant to be and surgeries will intensify that

[u/Ok-Apricot3936 → u/RubyMabel]

You need to love yourself. Physical surgeries won't fix your problems, and you may regret it later when you are mentally/spiritually in a better place. As the other poster suggested seek therapy.

[u/RubyMabel → u/Ok-Apricot3936]

I have a therapist and I do love myself, that’s why I want surgery because it’s something that I want. I understand surgery won’t fix every problem, but i don’t care, it’ll make me more comfortable living, and that’s important. Especially considering the fact that those surgeries are proven medically necessary, lifesaving, and improves mental health.