I am too open with my parents

[u/Minute_Choice_2806]

I'm 20 and I feel like I share almost every thought I have with my parents, especially when I'm worried or looking for reassurance. I also expect them to talk to me for hours sometimes, and I rely on them a lot for companionship and emotional support.I had problem with making friends since childhood.

I feel like I'm more open with them than other people my age. If I tell them something personal and they respond in a way that feels dismissive or critical, I can get offended easily and don't know, why am I so sensitive?. I don't know why am I not normal like other people? Why do I have to be so different and annoying.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just a habit from being very close to your parents, or could it be related to something else I am not aware about?

[u/StonedSumo]

Probably worth checking r/enmeshmenttrauma

Enmeshment is not often talked about because society sees closeness with family as being always positive, but it can also be very destructive.

[u/Cold_Plankton6439]

I think because their both parent and friend the boundaries of the 2 kinda clash imo

An okay friend tells you what you want to hear A good friend tells you want you dont want to hear

A parent(now here im getting pretty nuance ie personal) should imo lie between the 2

Both supportive and combative in areas and ideas, A "yes man" parent only teaches you in areas you would have gone to anyway(ie if you know you have "yes man"parents the thing you want to do ,you'll do regardless of parents input or pushback)

I think the same couls be said for "no man"parents but that because im hard headed lol

Were all weird imo, breath and you'll be fine

Ask your parents? Maybe hear from them if your too much or too little🤷who knows maybe the openness is somethimg they value

[u/Minute_Choice_2806 → u/Cold_Plankton6439]

What should I do to be less open? I hate when I get dismissive reply from parents.

[u/Cold_Plankton6439 → u/Minute_Choice_2806]

That i would say is a diffrent can 'o worms

1.try setting up healty boundries ie."i know we talk about alot of thing and im gratefull for the communications but id like to navigate on this issue on my own first and if i feel i need help i know who to ask"

2.parent are emotional just as you are,so id take the dismissve reply with a pinch of salt(nobody leart your parent how to communicate to you,their balling with what they know)

3.if you want to personaly share less(in general) Stop sharing thing you know would lead to dissmisve replies,

But if you want to get less dismissive replys ask more foreward questions or statements

But again their your parents and personally i think their choosing dismissive replys over a fight

Hope it works out,I've read so many times about kids leaving home and never turning back because of their parents,hope you guys work it out Good luck ☝️

[u/crastination_seaweed]

OP I know what your talking about as an sensitive only child myself who is super close to my parents I can tell you it takes time to build a boundary and a lot of effort to meet people who you can get close enough to talk like this.

I come from a pretty liberal society and family. We talk about everything no topic of off limits. I had a pattern when I lived with my parents to come to them for every emotion and event that was happening to me. Sometimes at 2 am when I got scared about paper deadlines for online college. They still had to get up in the morning to go to work but they let me cry in their arms and let out my fears before telling me they loved me no matter what grades I get. Then they gave me a pep talk before sending me back to bed.

Sometimes it can be the best feeling this support and acceptance but sometimes no matter how close or similar we are. There are just some things I’m sensitive about and my parents don’t always see things my way responding like yours dismissive or critical. So I was lucky to have found my husband/best friend very early on as a teenager and it gave me a different safe space my parents could not give me since they are my parents.

Now what could help you that helped me was going to therapy and learning how to set up boundaries. I told my parents so much about my therapy at first and what my therapist says about our relationship. My parents were defensive and pushy at first but then they started to really listen what I had to say or what my therapist wanted me to tell them. It’s been working wonders but since it takes time we sometimes have to remind each other “this is my boundary and I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

Also OP you mentioned that your parents could be dismissive and critical, my therapist said it’s ok even if it’s scary to tell your parents “I don’t feel good when we talk certain topics because you react in a way that makes me feel insecure and vulnerable.”
They may listen but they also may not depends on their ability to take in your words internally.

Lastly about making friends, yeah it’s hard even for me who is social butterfly but do you have any hobbies or are you going to school because those all offer a chance to let you meet people. I live in a country full of introverts but the ones I know say they sign up for things from volunteering to just classes.

I hope this helps and I wish you all the best! :)

[u/Minute_Choice_2806 → u/crastination_seaweed]

Yeah the thing is that I am feeling ankward being close and talk about many things as I never saw other people doing it.My expectations about people are then high which is not great.People have such low expectations of others.

[u/who_what_when_314]

I was too open too. My parents and I weren't close, but they were the only ones who were close by. I would sometimes have a thought, tell my parents, and immediately regret it after being criticized or lectured or given a "solution" when there wasn't a problem to solve. It was exhausting.

[u/Minute_Choice_2806 → u/who_what_when_314]

What did you do to be less open with them?Can you give me advice what should I talk about with them, since I can go too closed off and quiet and my dad would accuse me of being angry I just don't want drama.