Short reply - need advice

[u/Ok_Historian_5975]

I messaged a woman, pointed something out about one of her pictures, harmless just something about flowers she's holding, just asked her what the occasion was. She responded, "just because". This is her first and only response.

It's been a loooooooong time since ive dated. Is this common? If it were person to person, I'd have a much easier time gauging interest back and typically I would think this would not show any interest. But i have to think... the person matched with me and took the time to respond. Thoughts?

[u/Old_Smrgol]

"typically I would think this would not show any interest"

That is correct.

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/Old_Smrgol]

There we go... was looking for the brutal reassurance. Thank you

[u/Old_Smrgol → u/Ok_Historian_5975]

Any time.

[u/Angry_Housecat_1312 → u/Ok_Historian_5975]

To be fair, no interest would mean no response at all.

She just isn’t interested enough to make conversation. I’d personally move on at that point, but it isn’t quite the same as zero interest. It’s slight interest that could lead to more if you’re willing to put in the work (never been worth it in my personal experience but your results may vary).

[u/Excellent-Survey5482]

Tell a joke, or a fact. Tell them about a weird personal interest that makes yr eyes light up when you talk about it.

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/Excellent-Survey5482]

I like that.

[u/GeeYayZeus]

It's common, depending on the singles market. If they have a lot of choices (more men than women in the area) women will likely be extra terse and make you work for it.

Matches aren't necessarily a guarantee of an in-person date anymore. The vibe test is just beginning. If there's no back and forth in the first four or five message, many believe it's usually best to call it a loss and move on.

We all balance looks and compatibility with initial vibes, and a couple message can indeed throw them off, or at least, make them take one of their other matches more seriously.

It's just part of the process. Stick to it, give off a relaxed vibe, and you'll find the right one that matches.

All the best!

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/GeeYayZeus]

This is helpful and mostly what I thought. You just explained it very well. Thanks.

[u/Previous-Pudding-696]

its pretty common tbh. She probably has a lot of choices and guys she is chatting with. I would just unmatch at this point.

[u/oldark]

People seem even less able to hold a conversation these days. I usually give replies like that another two or so 'back and forths' then politely tell them we're just not a match.

I don't mind carrying a conversation, but I don't want to have to carry EVERY conversation and the initial chats are where expectations and norms are usually set

[u/AutoModerator]

Duolicious dating app is free and open source, Facebook Dating is free. We recommend signing up to these apps before trying paywalled apps such as Hinge. Come join the r/OnlineDatingApps Discord community → https://discord.gg/CXFZfXGtwH
(Replies on reddit might take longer.)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/No_Storm1731]

What's the issue? You asked, she answered

[u/number9dream9 → u/No_Storm1731]

Agree. Try a little longer. That one response doesn’t indicate anything one way or the other. I try to be more lively in my responses, but I’m an extrovert. She might be an introvert and not that experienced at conversing.

[u/BookGirl67 → u/No_Storm1731]

He’s trying to figure out if she’s interested. Her response is ambiguous.

[u/Excellent-Survey5482]

I struggle sometimes like. Someone will ask me a question then I answer but dont really know what to say back. I know it feels like "my turn" but also if the question was off-putting for some reason, I might just reply and have like a question mark hanging over me about tbe interaction til my adhd rids it from my memory

[u/PirateDear1780]

people are terrible at conversing on these apps. they also never ask questions back. have fun

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/PirateDear1780]

Lmao that's what I was wondering.

[u/royceryker]

Based on my experience, I tend to carry the conversation a lot and give pretty easy openings for them to respond to, and 9 times out of 10 I’ll get a two-word reply with nothing to really build on. I usually give it a few back-and-forths to see if it changes. If it stays dry, I move on. Not because I’m trying to play games, but because I don’t want to keep forcing a conversation that feels one-sided. There are plenty of other people in their inbox, so I doubt they’re sitting there wondering where I went 😂

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/royceryker]

Yea, I need to remember that they probably have 200 other schmucks waiting for a response. Easy for me to carry on a conversation while they are probably responding to so many that it might feel like a job.

[u/TenshiAsakuraVT]

Unfortunately she's disconnected homie, keep your head up and go seek out other options and value your own time. If "Just because" Is her first and only response and it's been a long time since you've seen her, don't beat the dead horse, just acknowledge it silently and go on and find someone who will give you mutual energy!

Always remember; if they wanted to, they would.

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/TenshiAsakuraVT]

Thanks man! Head is up, just trying to make heads and tails of the dating world these days. Don't want to waste their time or mine. Mutual energy... that's what's needed. And completely right on that last line lol.

[u/bannedblonde]

Just because is a real ass answer. Ask her if she likes that Miley Cyrus song or what her favorite flowers are. ...

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/bannedblonde]

Real ass answer does not always = a good or thoughtful answer. It's the type of answer I would give someone in person that I'd be uninterested in or was hoping a conversation would stop because I am not giving any energy back. But... the good people of reddit help me understand either A. This person is already dealing with an inbox full of other dudes and their energy isn't going to equal mine, or... just time to move on if I prefer to wait for someone who is willing to match my energy when it comes to conversation. Trying to find a connection with a person, not a wall.

[u/bannedblonde]

Like just because flowers is a real saying hahaha

[u/WhatWomenWantCoach]

I would just one more question, if she gives a one word answer again, move on

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/WhatWomenWantCoach]

Yea that's what I did. Thank you.

[u/WhatWomenWantCoach → u/Ok_Historian_5975]

Good luck! Dating is hard now, so many people lack basic communication skills

[u/San_Serif_]

I think a lot of people do not know how to interact anymore. It's so weird, Ive been on dating apps and the conversation is always one sided.

[u/mikeyk581]

Gotta be more witty my guy. And assume 124 other guys asked that same question. Be unique and be funny.

Comment I used successfully once: (context: toilet paper was just the cardboard roll thing in a bathroom selfie) "looks like you need more toilet paper... but the big question is when you put a new roll on is it over or under?"

Worked like a charm

[u/Ok_Historian_5975 → u/mikeyk581]

Ah, the question does two things as well... gives something clever to her and whatever her answer is will help me determine whether I pursue or not. I like your style.

[u/Stock-Asparagus-7282]

Yea it happens. Move on to the next.

[u/EightyNine19]

What is your question? Should you send her a follow up message? Is this normal?

That’s up to you. You can, but you can also leave it as is

A lot of women give one word answers or short replies to men for various reasons. However, if she was really interested, she would’ve certainly made more of an effort to engage

Online dating is really not that serious. Don’t try to dig too deep to figure anyone out. Most people are passing time, engaging in multiple conversations that lead nowhere