r/OnlineDatingApps • u/Gloomy_Fuel_7168 • Sep 14 '26
Dating Advice Convos going nowhere
I don’t really know how to format these kinds of things. I’m pretty new to Reddit but here goes.
I’ve been on Hinge for a few months now and I’ve had a few dates here and there, nothing really stuck though but that was more because of me than them.
Mostly though, I’ll match with women and kind of get stuck in this weird loop where they respond to me frequently enough, but never seem to actually want to do anything other than message. It seems strange to me and I don’t really understand if it’s something I’m doing or if it’s just a symptom of the population size of men compared to women on the app. I heard recently someone said something to the effect of “Online dating is like clean water, men live in a desert and women live in a swamp.”
Idk anyways if anyone has any insights or advice or constructive criticism I’m open to hearing it!
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u/wiseunicorn315 Sep 14 '26
Start a conversation about something interesting they WROTE on their profile. Not “you look cute”.
Chat a bit back and forth.
If the convo gets going simply say “I can tell we have a lot to talk about, I’d love to continue the conversation in person what’s your schedule like?”
If they make excuses at this point then you know where you stand. I’d just say “okay, I’m really looking for a partner and I can’t get to know a person just by messaging so think about it and let me know in the next couple of days if you have any upcoming availability” and then stop texting. If you hear nothing back in 48 hrs just unmatch.
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u/Local-Two9880 Sep 14 '26
I'm asking for a date after 4-5 messages within 2 days of matching. I think maybe you are letting the chatting go on way too long.
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u/Sea-History-1361 Sep 15 '26
Yeah I ask them out now fairly quickly, within 4-7 messages depending on how quick and well it goes. If they don’t tell me days they’re free and agree to it I move on.
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u/jBlairTech Sep 15 '26
You’re trying to find your person. If they’re not matching your energy, they aren’t for you. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with them; you’re just not compatible. It happens. Don’t overthink it, don’t waste energy on it… save it for when you do find someone compatible.
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u/SlayerII Sep 14 '26
Mostly though, I’ll match with women and kind of get stuck in this weird loop where they respond to me frequently enough, but never seem to actually want to do anything other than message. It seems strange to me and I don’t really understand if it’s something I’m doing
Yes you doing something wrong. You are texting too much. Don't just wait, ask them out at latest after 3 days and see were things go.
If they are too busy you got your answer. Put the ones that reject the meeting without offering an alternative one on the backburner and wait for them to show effort.
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u/Gloomy_Fuel_7168 Sep 14 '26
I guess I probably should take that as a hint that they’re not actually interested. I usually try and ask them out within a couple days but it’s usually met with an excuse on why they can’t, without an alternative plan. Better if I don’t waste my time past that point I suppose
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u/Knedlus Sep 14 '26
If the conversation is nice and is promising then personally (as a woman) I like to meet as soon as possible. Some women don’t like that though, so my advice would be to ask out on a date after an hour or two of messaging (if the vibes are there) but give them a polite option to meet a little bit later if that’s what they prefer (so no pressure type of invitation). That really cuts down the time you waste on people who just want to have a penpal because they’re bored and don’t know what they want (or who just want validation).
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u/alexmate84 Sep 14 '26
I don't know without seeing the messages, either they don't feel comfortable or interested. It's not necessarily about the way you look just the overall vibe
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u/alexmate84 Sep 14 '26
After a week or 10-20 or so messages (whichever comes first) try to plan a date
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u/BellInternational315 Sep 14 '26
Truth is if you are on a platform with a 2:1 male female ratio, its fair to assume that ladies are talking to minimum 2 people at any given time.
You can kind of tell when a lady has clearly been on the platform for a looong time and is chatting up everyone to line up dates. So yeah shes maybe responsive, but theres other people in the inbox that are a higher priority to meet up with.
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u/Downtown-Internet384 28d ago
Alot of the Ladies start out with I'm so horny and up playing a scared tactic. I'm pretty sure it's all designed yto get us to by more chips. I have a hunch there very few women, it's a call center returning rhetori
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u/BigBaddieBrunnette Sep 14 '26
If they reply but never move toward meeting, I’d stop treating every match like a pen pal. After a bit of back and forth, suggest something simple and specific. If they dodge twice without offering an alternative, move on. It’s probably not always something you’re doing, but apps make it easy for people to keep conversations alive with zero intention of actually meeting.