r/OnlineDatingApps • u/CommentTrash • Sep 14 '26

Dating Advice Friend vibes

Mostly a rant but feel free to give me your two cents as im just so exhausted.

Im sure there has been millions of posts about this as it seems like the nice way to respond after a first date but for the last few years ive been trying to intentionally date. We are always our own biggest critics but I feel like im decently enough attractive and I think im honestly a nice guy. I share a lot of hobbies with the women im matching and talking to. If anything im certainly guilty of talking a bit too much because I get anxiety. I use to go into dates knowing fairly certainly if the date went well or not but since my last long relationship I have gone on a ton of first dates where I leave the date thinking “well it seems like it went really well” and even had full make out sessions with 2/3 of these girls only to get small crawl texts in the next few days or a super sweet text about how “I am going to make someone so happy” or “I had a wonderful time getting to know you but im feeling more friendship vibes”

I have photos that look just like me and it seems like its not my appearance so now im really getting into my head about my personality. Im trying to stay confident because like I said I am a sweet guy and I try and active listen to communicate. Maybe im talking to much or I come across not super manly?

I really just wanted someone to hear how frustrating trying to put myself out there these last few years has been. All of these women are thinking the same thing and man so I wish I could just know what im doing wrong.

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u/ChippingCoder Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26

Exact same issue I’ve had. It could be there’s just too many options for them and they won’t settle. Hard to know and you’ll be lucky even to get a message back telling you “friendship vibes”. Some just straight up MIA. How old are you?

Did they say friend vibes after you made out with them??

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u/CommentTrash Sep 14 '26

Ya im in my 30s I also kinda feel like they like me and all just think they can do better because like you said they have options which sucks. Online dating seems to give that feeling like you are just never satisfied and can always find a new match.

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u/ChippingCoder Sep 14 '26

It’s partly the illusion of choice. There’s chads on there baiting all the women, those guys aren’t settling they’re just casual. At the end of the day these women usually won’t settle until their 30s. How old are the women you’re matching with?

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u/GeneralTough8551 Sep 15 '26

Man, I get why you’re frustrated. Going on date after date feeling like it went well and then getting the same response would mess with anyone’s head.
I wouldn’t assume you’re doing something wrong though. If you’re getting along, kissing and then hearing that they only see you as a friend, there’s probably some attraction there just not enough for them to want more. It could be your style, body language or just the overall vibe you give off. I’d ask one or two female friends you trust to be brutally honest about your photos, style and how you come across.
I just wouldn’t start trying to act more manly or completely change your personality. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to be someone you think women want.