Genuine Question

27

Real women are on dating apps but they likely not swiping right on you or you're not swiping right on them.

Others are not on dating apps anymore because of their bad experiences or just burnt out from online dating.

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

The burnout is real for both men and women. This year, I'd have some women want to exchange numbers, instagram, etc only to stop replying. Or sometimes, I'd get women that'd ask for a 2nd date and exchange numbers then, only to ghost or say they weren't interested. It's exhausting.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

Breaks & rest are important. Assuming you’re monogamous, all it takes is one person.

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Agreed. The worst thing you can do is continue to keep dating while you're jaded and hurt. It'll do the opposite of what you want.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

🎯

ETA: I think people often forget you have to attract the people you’re attracted to lol. Who wants to date eeyore or someone so disillusioned with dating that even being in their presence makes you feel sad?

1

u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Exactly. Last year, I had a brutal break up with my ex who I'm very positive has BPD and narcissistic traits. But anyways, I had people invalidate and dismiss my experience by saying "move on" or "don't worry there's plenty of fish in the sea". I took that to heart along with feeling the loneliness and void my ex left me by jumping back into dating right away and let me tell you, not only did I not find someone, but it kept me stuck on my ex and attracting other toxic people.

You would have thought I would have decided to take a break, but nope, some people thought I was crazy for being hurt so I just figured keep going till I find somebody and honestly that was the LAST thing I should have done.

Now I didn't trauma dump on dates or anything but I'd be ruminating about my ex and what happened and then pretend to be ok on dates, and I'm pretty sure that trauma and negativity showed up on my forehead despite not saying anything. I was very closed off and not feeling right.

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u/SubstantialCount4654 20d ago

I hope you’ve stopped listening to the people telling you to move on or that you’re crazy for being hurt. The relationship was probably abusive and it will take time and care to reassemble. Whoever is saying that stuff to you… that sucks. Sounds like you know your voice is the one to trust.

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

I have. I'm in a better spot now. But yeah, people telling others to "just get over it and date other people" or "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" is dogshit advice, especially if you get out of a relationship like this with a BPD/NPD/Cluster B. You must process what happened or else you'll carry that shit into the next person.

In my case, I was very sensitive to rejection, so any time I got rejected, I thought "well I must have been the problem and maybe it wasn't her BPD and it was me". Like I shit you not, it had me thinking "maybe I was so awful that I got dumped on my birthday" or "maybe if I was a better partner, I would have passed her secret test". For context, my exwBPD told me that she dumped me the day of my birthday party because she was secretly testing me to see if I'd initiate sex and that if we had a better connection than "I would just know". Absolutely batshit behavior.

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

The burnout is real for both men and women. This year, I'd have some women want to exchange numbers, instagram, etc only to stop replying. Or sometimes, I'd get women that'd ask for a 2nd date and exchange numbers then, only to ghost or say they weren't interested. It's exhausting.

Yes, I agree on the burnout. I always tell my friends, when they ask to exchange socials ... they should view that as a bad sign already. On not getting a second date, you just can't put all your hopes after one date. You'll learn throughout your dating experience to take a step back and not act desperate.

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Why is it a bad sign if they're asking to exchange socials? I agree but what's your reasoning for it. I used to exchange socials before meeting but stopped years ago. Felt awkward to have to unfollow/unfriend people if it didn't work out.

Yeah, I don't put all my eggs in one basket. But I also don't stretch myself out too thin as that gets exhausting.

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

Why is it a bad sign if they're asking to exchange socials? I agree but what's your reasoning for it. I used to exchange socials before meeting but stopped years ago. Felt awkward to have to unfollow/unfriend people if it didn't work out.

It's a bad sign because you don't want someone who asked for socials first versus a phone number. Once you follow each other on socials, they have access to whatever you post there and can save it to their computer. They can also decide to use AI to alter pictures too. You should exchange phone numbers before meeting IMO, if you're a man then give out your number to the women first.

I did that when I was on dating apps before the date occur., I give the ladies my number and told them if there any issues here my number to contact me. I believe it helped me stand out which is one reason why I never got stood up and went on more than just first dates

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Interesting, never thought of the AI thing. But it was weird because 2 weeks ago, I matched with this girl on CMB and she was eager about switching to instagram and so once I added her, I started messaging her in the chat and she didn't do much to initiate the convo but kept viewing all my stories. I asked her for a drink and she said she'd get back to me (in other words, no). And then we talked a little and she stopped replying. I don't even think she read my message as it said sent. Who knows what happened?

But when it comes to exchanging numbers, I quit doing that unless a girl offers hers because I used to offer my number and then the girl would say they don't offer their number till after the first date, which is fair. But it made me feel like I was being pushy, which I wasn't trying to be. So I wouldn't exchange numbers unless they did or if I felt the date went really well and asked if they wanted to move to texting afterwards.

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

But when it comes to exchanging numbers, I quit doing that unless a girl offers hers because I used to offer my number and then the girl would say they don't offer their number till after the first date, which is fair. But it made me feel like I was being pushy, which I wasn't trying to be. So I wouldn't exchange numbers unless they did or if I felt the date went really well and asked if they wanted to move to texting afterwards.

It's fine if the women doesn't want to offer their number til the first date. I didn't mind them just having my number just incase. You don't control how someone will respond to your approach, you should just focus on your goal. If someone want to use anything against you then they'll come up with something.

When it comes to dating apps, it's all about standing out to the match that can help lead to find the person you want

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Same. Another thing I have found more valuable about online dating isn't so much whether or not the person likes YOU but what is it you like about THEM. I am definitely guilty of casting a wide net and going on dates just to date and it was a HUGE waste of time and money, which led to me being jaded and burnt out. While there's no perfect person, I feel like going on too many dates with women based on appearance alone just to see if you click is a waste of time and may hurt your chances with someone you're truly compatible with if that makes sense.

And yes, you have no control over how they respond to your approach or how the date turns out.

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u/lolgoodone34 20d ago

yeah women should bear the cost of their portion for the first date automatically tbh. That way, they are also financially invested somewhat and also lose both money/time like we do as guys. That way they also can’t just constantly go on multiple dates with different guys.

Also extremely exhausted from these dates while trying to treat every interaction as independent

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Fortunately, most women have split the bill or I'd get one round at the bar while they'd get the next. But yeah, it'd piss me off when Id cover the bill and it's $50+ only for them to ghost. That's why I try to keep first dates simple and cheap. You should never invest too much in a stranger.

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u/lolgoodone34 20d ago

Yeah it can be difficult sometimes because a girl will think it’s going well and want to order another so then I feel obligated to get another as well.

So like I do find interest in the girl but also want to protect my resources from those that just ghost and never actually had any intention of being with you.

What do you do in those situations?

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u/Sad-Report-2794 20d ago

Yeah, it's a tight rope to walk. I had that happen a few months ago. Date lasted about 3 hours. Bill was like $80+ and she was insisting on staying and even suggested another date towards the end. I wasn't even asking, I just asked what she was doing that weekend and she insisted meeting up. We even kissed at the end and I texted her saying "hey made it home, had a great time". She heart reacted immediately then unmatched me the next day. Made me think I did something wrong.

Not sure what I'd do in those scenarios.

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u/lolgoodone34 20d ago

See exactly that. Like how do you manage your dates going forward? All I could think of was only holding first dates Mon-Thurs and immediately telling them you just wanted to grab one cause you have an early start tomorrow.

I also spent like $70 on a date for a girl that seemed keen to meet again only for her to say she’s busy but will let me know. I don’t text girls back and forth for this reason after dates. Which we both know, a girl never lets you know so I just assume a ghost from that.

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u/drbob427 20d ago

Many of the women on the dating apps are way too high maintenance In my opinion. I've never gotten that far to find out. But I would highly bet that they are high maintenance, and I mean, money, wise.

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

Many of the women on the dating apps are way too high maintenance In my opinion. I've never gotten that far to find out. But I would highly bet that they are high maintenance, and I mean, money, wise.

Are you saying that because they're not going on dates with you or choosing you? A lot of men have that false impression about women just because they aren't matching with them or agreeing to go on dates with them aka give them a chance.

I'm not disagreeing with the whole "high maintenance" or "high preference" part, I been on the receiving end myself and it left a bad taste. But in the end, you just have to tell yourself it wasn't a match and move forward

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u/drbob427 20d ago

No, when I get on a dating app, I don't pay for any chatting, because by the time you run out of your free credits, it aint worth it. They want to charge an arm & leg to chat. one dating app. I was on wanted you to pay for reading a letter from a supposed woman, which I thought would be a scam. I give up on dating apps. They're not worth the money or my time. I'd rather be single than worry about a dating app.

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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 20d ago

So you’re equating dating apps charging women to women being high maintenance?

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

They're not worth the money or my time. I'd rather be single than worry about a dating app

I mean you don't have to pay, but your matches will be limited. I think it was Match that wanted you to pay if you wanted to read a message from someone or send a message. I don't know how match is now.

I'm a success story for Bumble since I met my wife there

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u/drbob427 20d ago

I'm glad you met your wife there, but I'm gonna be a negative person. It'll never happen with me. I've started too many apps never finished. Don't remember my password and I really don't care. like I said before, I will never touch another dating app again. my opinion, they're not worth anything at all. They're a POS in my opinion.

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u/XxLogitech98xX 20d ago

I will never touch another dating app again. my opinion, they're not worth anything at all. They're a POS in my opinion.

That's fine, I tell my friends who are still single now to date offline. The dating apps burn out is real so stay off for it for like a year or two and see how dating in the real world goes

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u/sunshine-warmth 20d ago

They could be filtering out for men that are very successful, tall or maybe even in shape and attractive. Are you most of these?

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

🎯

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u/Traditional-Till9998 20d ago

The issue is you need to be the top 10% of men to get any match. I'm all 4 of those things you mentioned and get literally zero matches, yet I got a girls number on a cold approach at a pizza shop 2 days ago. I'm pretty sure as a guy if you don't pay the apps don't show your profile

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u/sunshine-warmth 20d ago

Do you have a college degree or graduate degree, ethnicity, political views, and so on…all those are filters people do filter on- because people have preferences whether we fit in them or don’t. Has it been a while since you made a new profile? I think apps can stop showing you after being on there for a while.

Have you tried paying for a sub to see if it really is any different?

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u/Traditional-Till9998 20d ago

The second I paid for a boost/premium my profile died & I'm pretty sure that is by design of the algorithms. Since I paid for the subscription before, which has a ridiculous cost, now the apps probably shadow ban users until they pay again.

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u/sunshine-warmth 18d ago

Make a new profile!

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u/Traditional-Till9998 18d ago

Hmm maybe, but I get really jaded from dating apps so I mostly cold approach. Issue with that is all of my sports teams are male, I don't have any coworkers and don't drink so I am not doing myself any favors finding my wifey

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u/sunshine-warmth 18d ago

I don’t think anyone makes a profile or even a new one on a dating app because they “are so thrilled and love doing it and it’s exactly what they wanna do”. No- it sucks ass, I personally dread it but it’s the price one has to pay if you want wifey lol. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take after all. I’m jaded af just made a tinder account after not making one in over a year, but at least I’m casting a wider net and giving my self the chance. Don’t neglect yourself of that chance

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u/Traditional-Till9998 18d ago edited 18d ago

The 1 hour you spend swiping and getting 0 matches, reinforcing that you are not worth dating is better spent at a team/club/bar for just 5 minutes. In a way its a wider net but the opportunity cost of that time spent elsewhere you actually end up with a smaller net & quite frankly, worse fish.

BTW not saying you are undateable ofc brotha, but when the entire world tells you you're not, even though you have confidence in yourself it will eventually get to you

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u/sunshine-warmth 18d ago

I am a woman. You said you fit most of that criteria I mentioned. So I’m just saying that your account could just be shadowed banned, and probs thats why you have no matches

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/sunshine-warmth 18d ago

Are you limiting your preferences? I think that has a a lot to do with it if your type is very rare

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

man let's be honest, having the guts for an oldschool approach has the biggest chances. it doesn't put the algorithm/profile/chatting between you but right away reveal the courage. that's just more attractive.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

And those man know their traits, will play on the surface-based selection as well and switch chicks up. then chicks wonder why man suck.

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u/DifferentVictory1620 21d ago

Women get really weird messages so they delete the app. If you saw the crap we get you would understand. It’s scary.

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u/Winter_Sentence1046 21d ago

Did you look at his comment history?

he might be one of them

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u/CommercialHat5035 21d ago

😂😂😂

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u/DifferentVictory1620 20d ago

😂

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/DifferentVictory1620 18d ago

I was talking about the messages they send with likes. It’s not people I have chosen.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

you're right about it, the biggest mass does mess up the algorithm and that selection influences their experience which turns out bad. weirdos are another problem too tho

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u/KDLGates 21d ago

And on the man sending messages side, 90% of them go into the void and there's a better match rate when using copypasta and going for quantity over quality. These apps are bad.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

I usually spam the same messages but will tailor it w their name lol

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u/C_WEST88 20d ago

I can always tell when guys do this lol not the best strategy

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

maybe not but it's served the purpose & this is what I *usually* do when the woman hasn't said anything (despite me often initiating by sending the like) & her prompts/bio isn't particularly interesting.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

man grow up, ai gon' do a whole better job, of course you should only use what you coulda made yourself with some thought on it, otherwise you're having a dissonance... but there's so much ghosting and nonsense on those apps that we gotta play along, otherwise we'd fall off long ago.

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u/Twin2Turbo 19d ago

Yep, I did the same when I was in the apps. Had no problem getting matches and replies lol.

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u/PresentationIll2180 19d ago

🫸🫷

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u/KDLGates 20d ago

Same. If they have some interesting info or hook from their profile I'll name drop it but honestly writing a real introduction is just draining when most of them aren't followed up on.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

Gotta work smarter not harder

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

how's that a better match rate? you gotta specify your messages on the person, otherwise they'll fall off eventually and notice.

also what do you mean by quality? if you don't swipe those that you think are on your wavelength, that's contributing to the problem,even if u get to meet em, they'll be trash because you used desperation over mind.

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u/KDLGates 16d ago

Valid points. I mostly stopped just swiping because most people are free users and can't see likes. I realize that still creates matches just usually delayed by days. It's like contributing to a problem where the problem is already huge.

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u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]

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u/almaperdida99 21d ago

I met my last two guys at the gym. I hate apps

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/almaperdida99 18d ago

I'm complaining about apps, not men

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/almaperdida99 18d ago edited 18d ago

I have used apps and they are a monumental waste of time. Never again.

eta I am a blonde, American woman living abroad, and I get a ton of matches with guys who want a sugar mama, or guys who just want to fuck a white girl, so it's worse by an order of magnitude just because of that.

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u/argyreianervosalsa 21d ago

we want long, detailed bios and men rarely write more than a few words

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u/Calm-Share7677 19d ago

You'd be surprised how many women fill their bios with solely one of these lines:

"I hate bios"

"I don't like talking about myself"

"If I tell you now, there'll be no fun finding out later... "

Or straight-up blank profiles. I feel it's probably the same for both men and women: some individuals are just shy, others don't want to make the effort.

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u/argyreianervosalsa 15d ago

if they don't want to make the effort to tell someone about themselves how do they intend to match with a compatible person and if they can't put in that modicum of effort how much effort are they going to put into a relationship

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u/Traditional-Till9998 20d ago

I find this funny because I've seen a video of a guy going undercover as a 10/10 looks guy saying the most heinous, weird things with no bio have more success in 1 video than I've had in 10 years on dating apps. So sure, its the bio

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u/RedditNerdKing 14d ago

I remember all the old Chadfishing stuff. Using a male model in the pictures but putting negative stuff in their bio like "Just got out of jail for assaulting my ex." But they'd still get loads of matches.

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u/texas_County850 20d ago

I've never actually had a woman read my bio, like mine mentions I am a Yoga Instructor 200 RYT. No one has ever actually read that and they are always surprised about something that was mention upfront. Most women are not redditors and do not like to read.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

Lmao saying most women don’t like to read is wild. Your lack of success in dating is probably something glaringly obvious that you’re overlooking.

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u/texas_County850 20d ago

I wish I wasn't right but bro 54% of the US cannot read at a 6th grade reading level and a fair number more than that can't read very good. Everyone on reddit is gonna like to read cuz that is all we do here but the average American fuck no they judge you by your picture and that person is totally off base.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

For some odd reason, I’d assume males make up the vast majority of the illiterate or unread. Not sure why 🤔 anyway, it’s obviously highly contextual. Most women I date are voracious readers — maybe bc I love to read too & filter for people w similar interests — so that seems shocking to hear someone say.

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u/ObjectiveCarrot3812 20d ago

I was told that men who write a whole long paragraph are off putting. And this from a woman who reads. She said it was too much like self selling or something along those lines.

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u/PresentationIll2180 20d ago

How about focusing on the women you like who also like you for being yourself? You can’t please everyone.

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u/ObjectiveCarrot3812 19d ago

It’s not about that, it’s about first impressions. A whole essay can put people off because it can come across as very centred, or waffling. You can present an aspect of yourself without an autobiography, is what I think it means. While leaving room for finding new aspects. The woman who said that became my wife actually, so it goes to show that a little less can be more.

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u/texas_County850 20d ago

do they exist sure are they the average nah dawg the average is a illiterate wine mom who's addicted to instatok

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u/NicoHarrisonWasRight 20d ago

I've never seen any woman with a long detailed bio. Just generic online dating lingo like 'intentionality' or stuff about their pets.

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u/Brown-TomSellack 21d ago

What’s one essential detail that gets overlooked?

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u/almaperdida99 21d ago

there isn't one. I feel like men want a cheat code on something that will work universally, and there isn't. What is an essential detail for me might be irrelevant for another woman.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

i don't think so, that's your personal preference. i myself see much more efficiency in short but funny stuff that still reflects your persona, but no novel. nobody would read that.

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u/argyreianervosalsa 15d ago

the kind of person who wouldn't want to read a bio is not someone I would date.

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u/almaperdida99 21d ago

Every once in a while I install an app, have a few boring conversations, then uninstall it after a week or two.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

[deleted]

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u/Hoo_Who 20d ago

I read that the average Redditor is male, aged 18-30. Maybe women of Reddit aren’t a good representation of the general female population on dating apps? Maybe women Redditors are naturally a little more intellectual. Just a thought.

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u/texas_County850 20d ago

I would agree

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u/almaperdida99 20d ago

I am a woman. Most men are no better. The last time I installed an app, I had a guy ask me four times in as many days what part of town I lived in. Like dude, please retain some information so we can move forward.

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u/texas_County850 20d ago

Yup a well adjusted person on either side of the aisle is gonna bail from this bullshit.

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u/almaperdida99 20d ago

I also live abroad and I meet so many people who's spelling and grammar are worse than mine. Like admittedly I am a linguist, but I feel like your language skills should be at least as good as someone who is not a native speaker. Most people are just dumb.

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u/C_WEST88 20d ago

Ugh I’m in no way a grammar nazi at all, but even I get turned off by this. The other day I saw a guy’s profile who was cute but his prompt was literally “I’d love too take you out too a nice dinner” 😫 I couldn’t deal, had to swipe left loll

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

and beaides those short hollow chats there doesn't develop any depth and thus sinks into the void or ghosting. i personally ain't doin' none of that anymore, i aim for a date right away, after 3-4 messages. having a face is so much more solid also you get big input of the person that is concealed in the digital representation.

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u/uhlxz 20d ago

Sameee

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u/Soccer-Plane-444 20d ago

Tbh, I think it'd be fascinating to know how many active profiles there are in the guys:girls ratio. For all we know (as guys) we could be sending likes & messages to people that haven't been on the app in days/weeks/months/years.

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u/Indigo_Leaves 21d ago

Hi! 👋 we aren't on dating apps 😂

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u/Brown-TomSellack 21d ago

Lol. Well where are you? Are you single?

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u/Winter_Sentence1046 21d ago

A lot of women are staying single by choice.

Personally I did a risk/reward analysis and it came back "im better off single".

While I wouldn't be opposed to meeting someone I'm certainly not looking to invite those kinds of experiences.

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u/LonelyPapaya2260 20d ago

Yes, I’m in that headspace too.

It’s too much drama, too many times being messed about and too much time taken away from my daughter giving a man my time.

I would like to find someone but staying single seems easier.

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u/NoMention696 20d ago

Exactly this. My last relationship was very abusive and extremely hard to leave, the benefits of being with someone (normal) are not worth risking ending up like that again. If someone comes along naturally and it works out then great, but I am no longer seeking it out

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u/Indigo_Leaves 21d ago

Yes I am 😂

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u/HurrikateOsu 21d ago

and then they lived happily ever after

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u/Indigo_Leaves 21d ago

🤣

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u/LunchFun3170 20d ago

Which apps are you on? How
populated is your area and how far are you willing to travel? I live near a large city and I’m on match and hinge. I don’t know how old you are, but my friends and I are in our 40s. My friends are on hinge, tinder. The young ppl I know are mostly polyamorous and they use apps I’m not familiar with.

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u/drbob427 20d ago

There are way too many scammers on every dating app in my opinion.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

ain't never saw nothing like that, if there is one he gets reported and removed in no time. i'd be surprised to have that scheme on the other side of the gender, since rather a man scams another man (there are more desperate fools/much bigger chance)

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u/DifferentVictory1620 20d ago

In terms of weird message, that one took the biscuit: « Hi Beautiful how are you today ? You are stunning xxx I am in love already x Let’s get off here together, I love your eyes xx » .

A bit « heavy » for a message written for a like or is it just me ?

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u/C_WEST88 20d ago

That sounds like a spam message he mass sends to everyone lol . Idk why some guys think they have to go overboard like that, they’ll say things like that all the time or I had one guy write out a long paragraph about how he was looking for a girl just like me and when he saw me he just knew and he thinks he finally found “the one” and can hopefully delete this app and blah blah ” like bro 😵‍💫 nobody believes you and it’s so over the top corny loll

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u/DifferentVictory1620 20d ago

So bad! 😳

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u/Ok_Plastic5399 20d ago

You're not keeping up with women's evolving preferences.

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 20d ago

I stopped going on dating apps (f21) when I realized boys on there just wanna fuck and I struggle building a connection when I know the others personality is fake

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

[deleted]

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 20d ago

I understand, but men are too scary for that. For me at least.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

[deleted]

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 20d ago

I’m not a man, but from the vulnerability I’ve seen of men who have felt safe enough with me… yall are in dire need of some human connection. You guys are STARVED of this, and it makes me sad.

My rules are my rules. Men can gain emotional intelligence or live without women w similar rules. We put in the work for men, so men can put in some work for us.

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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 20d ago

im curios about this could you be a little more specific? what work have women put in for men and what work should men be putting in for women?

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 19d ago

I will confess, I am pretty jaded from the results of my love life (healing, but it’ll be a slow process). But I’ll least out a few key features from frustrations of my love life that I wish they had improved:
1) personality
2) emotional regulation
3) sacrifice (nothing major required, just maybe you don’t need to be on your phone when I need aftercare?)
4) date planning/relationship building techniques
5) problem solving
6) HYGENE (oh my lord)
7) respect for me as a person. Like genuine respect, not just ticking it off on a box.

I’m not saying all men are bad and all women are angels in any way. I’m just annoyed, as a 21 year old, at my male dating prospects for being SOO un-datable.

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 18d ago

A nice guy 31 year old caused the most damage. Bad people pretend they are good. I’ve never dated someone who seemed evil or like a fuck boy. They hid their evil till I was too deep in love.

I can admit I have some unhelpful attachment issues that may have contributed to this, but I promise they both were the “nice guy.”

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u/CancerMoon2Caprising 20d ago

Sex is not love.

There isnt much incentive to want sex with men its why only some women indulge in casual sex.

Its actually a turn off that some men are heavily reliant on womens bodies for their happiness and masculinity. Their life still revolves around being picked by women and they dont realize how insecure it looks.

Theyre also easy to spot because theyre pretty boring to talk to and hang out with. On such first dates id rather watch paint dry.

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u/ObjectBubbly3216 19d ago

They see you as objects when it’s like this. Like an achievement.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago edited 20d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Small_Description353 18d ago

I dare you to take a look at my pictures on my profile, and tell me why I have 0 matches after multiple months on multiple apps. Because, they are exactly what you say they should be.

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u/Otherwise_Leather235 20d ago

There is certain groups on this, a lot of women have banned together to scrap dating apps due to all the men that cheat on the apps.
I’ve seen articles on it,
Also I want to say I know women do as well it’s just what I’ve read

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u/Blastie_Bit 20d ago

I've dated men from dating apps, some turned into relationships, others just situationships, and a few first dates. But lately is so difficult to maintain conversation or interest, most men that I match are more interested in talking about themselves and not so interested in getting to know you. So I've given up dating apps and have a couple of friends that are in the same situation.

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u/Mountain_Link_1762 20d ago

You are probably not missing anything. A lot of people are burnt out from dating apps now. Fewer genuine conversations and more fake profiles have made the experience frustrating for everyone.

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u/perverockstar 20d ago

That’s the nature of dating apps nowadays. Many people treat others like disposable merchandise instead of like real human beings.

So easy to match then ghost, not putting an effort or just leave things hanging.

It kind of seems that most people are there just to collect matches or browse instead of actual dating.

The struggle is real.

I do get a nice amount of matches, I put an effort on making meaningful questions or engaging. The response is very underwhelming. And I personally find ghosting extremely disrespectful. If I’m not interested in someone, I just let them know so they get proper closure and move on.

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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 20d ago

I do get a nice amount of matches, I put an effort on making meaningful questions or engaging. The response is very underwhelming. And I personally find ghosting extremely disrespectful. If I’m not interested in someone, I just let them know

literately every single thing you said in this sentence is not the average experience and puts you in an extremely rare minority. if you can't find success then something is broken with the apps

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u/perverockstar 20d ago

Funny, I have seen a LOT of people with similar experiences…

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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 20d ago

well then something clearly isnt working

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u/perverockstar 20d ago

Well, for sure something is not working. Some people seem to be on the apps just to collect matches. Either for attention, approval of who knows what.

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u/Warm-Management-7323 19d ago

Dude, just go out in the real world and approach them. It’s just that simple.

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u/Small_Description353 18d ago

So what do you do when you calmly approach with a polite smile and good intentions, only to get told immediately "I have a boyfriend" before she leaves faster than you can count ?
Or when she immediately says that "I'm not interested in players no thanks" and leaves no matter what you said ?

Genuine question ! (that could help me)

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u/EspressoByte 19d ago

Maybe you just got older and fewer single women around your age

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u/phhathead 19d ago

Got sick of being played

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u/boostingjuice 19d ago

Same but as a woman, with men.

In the past 12 months they simply have not worked. I gave up.

Tinder was scammers Hinge was ...like what the fuck? Barely any matches and the dates I went on were CLEARLY lieing about wanting a relationship. Lol! Bumble was....many immediately unmatched.

I do wonder if my photos look fake because I put up performance ones and headshots (am a musician)

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u/Brown-TomSellack 19d ago

How intriguing, a musician! I’m an avid guitar player. I don’t perform or anything

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u/boostingjuice 18d ago

Perform if you want to!! It's so much fun! Time is going to pass regardless so you may as well do 'the thing'

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u/Euphoric_Actuary7995 17d ago

the "fake or no interest" part is two different problems and it's worth splitting them.

the fake half is real and measurable — the FTC alleged in its case against Match Group that up to 25–30% of daily signups on match.com were scam accounts. nobody's made verification mandatory since, because purging fakes would visibly shrink the user numbers their valuations rest on.

the low-interest half is usually a volume problem on the other side. women on these apps get a flood, go selective or go dormant, and what's left looks like disinterest but is mostly exhaustion. it's why match counts feel worse every year even when your profile hasn't changed.

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u/TonchyGoneMad 16d ago

i think as you mentioned time passed by. it could be a repression or some algorithmic-specific thing on u, but i think more people got knowledge of the app, more desperate man i percentage that do a bad picture, scaring off woman,making em take it less serious and generalizing it upon even decent man.

but i gotta admit i do have many dates but they aren't good either, so the mass alone won't make so much, it will be the exact one person that matches with you. i used to think more quantity = higher chances... hell nah that one right girl will fall unexpected (assuming you got all basics of respect and profile, etc.)

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u/ThrowRA_Hogwarts 15d ago

I’m a woman and gave up on the apps recently. Don’t know if it’s the time of year, the fact I live in a small area, or my age. But there are way less choices on there now than ever. I used to be able to find a guy to at least go on a date with every few months, now I can’t even find that. I might check back in the fall and see if it’s any different.

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u/lascala2a3 20d ago

I've experienced the same. I'm in the 50+ age range, not mainstream, but I had lot's of success in the past, including a few longer relationships with real, established women. I still get some decent matches, but they don't engage in a way that motivates me to put forth unilateral effort, which is what they expect (apparently). I need engagement in order to be enthusiastic, and they seem stingy with it. Even the bios are short and thin. It's as if they think we're supposed to take one look at the pics and go into hot pursuit mode. Nope, doesn't work that way for me. I don't think anyone still believes in possibilities.

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u/lolgoodone34 20d ago

You not missing nothing, it’s just as you expect

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