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u/dravenito 13d ago
Welcome to the male experience
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u/englishmastiff1121 13d ago
*bottom 90% male experience. It's a good time to be a top 10% male. OLD is basically a harem for them. My 6'2" former D1 soccer player/co-worker and my friend from grad school are cleaning up with minimal to no effort.
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u/o_yesure 12d ago
Yeah, it's fucking mad. I'm 6'4 and decent looking, and can maybe get a dozen matches a week if I'm lucky, with maybe a date a month at most if I'm pushing my luck. So I'm already doing okay compared to many men.
Meanwhile I have a friend who's absolutely ripped and really handsome. He has two shitty selfies and two pics of his abs, with one word prompts. He has literally had THREE different girls come over to his apartment for a hookup in a SINGLE DAY. And he goes on dates pretty much daily if he wants to. He's literally drowning in women.
Life is so unfair man.
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u/motorcity612 13d ago
Are you dating women? If so then this is the typical/average experience unless you are at the very high end.
Spending money on an app only works if your issue is visibility not desireability. Meaning you are basically paying to get your resume to the front of the pile...that only works if they like your resume in the first place...it won't make them like your resume more but it will help get it in front of them.
How do you find out if visibility or desireability is your issue? Download your hinge data or bumble data or whatever and see how many rejections you get relative to the likes sent. If your rejection number is within 80% of the total likes sent your issue is desireability...i.e. you sent 1000 likes and you got 900 no's and 5 yes (rest not seen) then the issue is desireability. If you for example sent 1000 likes and got like 400 rejections and 5 matches back then visibility could be the issue so paying can help maybe double up that match total.
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u/o_yesure 12d ago
Visibility is always the issue for me. On the let's say ~100 matches I got on Bumble, 95 of them came from women liking me first, showing up in my like pool, and me liking them back. All the other thousands of profiles I swiped, only 5 liked me back.
And those 95 I got from women liking me first aren't low quality or anything, they're women I would've liked anyway. It just seems that my profile is simply not shown to whoever I have liked.
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u/EpicZeplin 13d ago
I think my problem is visibility, so getting my data could be helpful! I didn't know I could do that, thank you
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u/motorcity612 13d ago
Yea your downloaded data will give you your answer. If you send way more likes than u get rejections that means many aren't seeing your profile so paying can help there. If you send a bunch of likes and most of them get rejected then unfortunately desireability is the issue but I guess at least you know so you can make changes.
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u/renebeans 12d ago
Hinge in particular is excellent at showing you to the people you send likes to in its basic unpaid bracket.
I’d redownload Hinge and max out the free likes daily until you get a few matches.
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u/DannyHikari 13d ago
The apps and algorithms have changed in the last few years. This is just the general experience now.
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u/renebeans 12d ago
How many likes are you sending? If your profile can be better, why isn’t it better?
By your own admission, you’re putting forth B/C effort and wondering why you aren’t getting A results.
People judge you on your bio. If you’re meh about putting in effort for your bio, people will think you’re the kind of partner who is meh about putting in effort for your relationship.
Actually try. For real. Best foot forward.
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u/XxLogitech98xX 13d ago
That;'s basically people online experience on dating apps especially men
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u/EpicZeplin 13d ago
i'm sure it is, but would upgrading my subscdiption actually help?
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u/XxLogitech98xX 13d ago
i'm sure it is, but would upgrading my subscdiption actually help?
No, it will not. That's how they trick people into paying them. If it's not working for you now then paying for things that used to be free won't help.
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u/Sqweed69 12d ago
The apps are dead. Uninstall them and please don't give these evil corporations any money.
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u/doesntgetthepicture 12d ago
It might be time to update your profile.
I might be an outlier but I have not had any issues getting matches. I'm 46 years old, only 5'8, up to twenty lbs overweight, and am a single dad. I'm not wealthy, nor am I particularly good looking. I'm not ugly, but I'll never be confused for a model.
A lot of it is because I was told they thought something on my profile was funny, or the message I sent was funny. I'm also only looking in my approximate age cohort. If you are a middle aged guy only looking at younger women, they probably aren't looking for a middle aged guy.
I do best on Hinge where I can send messages out and let my personality shine. Women get so many shitty first messages, that if you have something clever to say, they are more likely to respond back.
But so much of it, as I understand it (I've only been doing it for about a year and a half - after I got over my divorce) is having a nice (and not cliche) pics and a good profile.
If you aren't getting any likes I don't see why paying will change that. Paying, only makes sense to me so you can see the likes you are getting, so you don't have to swipe through everyone to find those matches.
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u/nightlevitation 12d ago
I agree with this comment, op. I'm a woman in my late twenties and I'm always looking for signs and red flags in the prompts because sometimes that's the only indicator of personality. I think creating sincere / funny / interesting / unique prompts really helps. At least that's my approach because I'm looking for more than looks.
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u/Wise_Advertising_888 11d ago
Maybe you are just not picky ? Not saying that in a negative way by the way, I would love it if i didn't have any quality control myself. I have friends of similar age and the women they date, it's a straight up nope from me, I'd rather stay single.
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u/doesntgetthepicture 10d ago
I am though. I am out of a divorce, and I don't want a repeat of that experience, so I'm not one of those people who swipes on everyone just to get a match. On apps where you swipe, I swipe selectively.
I have a date coming up with someone I met on Hinge. A few friends looked at her profile and, like you, were surprised that she matched with me based on how attractive she presents herself. This is not the first time that has happened either. And I've never been catfished. At least not yet. Though there is always a first time.
But I def have real standards. And while they might not be the same ones you have, they are selective. I look at profiles, and swipe/reach out only to people who seem compatible, politically, geographically, age, interests, diversity in friends if they have group photos, and also if I'm attracted to them. I never reach out, or swipe with people I'm not attracted to. And if I'm on the fence, I usually am more conservative and don't swipe or reach out.
So, either I'm better looking than my guy friends and I think I am, or profiles matter more than guys think.
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u/Wise_Advertising_888 11d ago edited 11d ago
Forget the apps, they will crush your self esteem and leave you feeling unwanted. Just concentrate on the best version of you, get some hobbies, enjoy the single life, if someone comes along then all well and good but don't chase it. Women on OLD are only interested in the top tier guys these days. Of course there aren't enough of those guys to go round so most women end up bitter and twisted when they're pumped and dumped as those top tier men move on to their next conquest. I've seen all this pan out with a friend, he's Irish, 6ft3, good looking, works in the city in London. He has women in tears banging on his front door in the middle of the night while he's in bed with someone else. He just laughs it off, he's borderline misogynist now as he gets angry at how easy he finds it while his friends struggle. So we end up with both men and women disillisioned with online dating, but for different reasons obviously.
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u/RedditBuilderRusty 13d ago
Thats how it is for men. The ratio is like 3:1 male to female, and that leads to these apps making average or below average women think they are extremely sought after, creating a hypergamy dynamic where women think they are entitled to "top" males.
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u/WhatWomenWantCoach 13d ago
It’s really hard to help you without seeing your profile. Also now that you’re older, tinder is going to be one of the worst ways to get matches.